Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Duckton Finds Clift Barwell in Center of Earth--ALIVE!!!

Crackerjack reporter Bill Duckton has located absconded actor Clift Barwell in the Center of the Earth where he fled in order to escape the wrath of thugs who used to be his family on a reality show.

Duckton used an old-fashioned journalistic strategy to find Barwell. "I just kept asking questions. As I dug deeper, I eventually found myself in the Center of the Earth and bingo!" said Duckton.

Duckton says he will triumphantly return Barwell to the surface as soon as he can prove to him it is safe.

Duckton, winner of the Pluitzer Prize, is widely regarded as the best reporter at the Blue Green Power Plant.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Blue Green Power Plant Raking in the Dough

Disclaimer: This article is about this news service. We remain impartial reporting on ourselves.

The Blue Green Power Plant is raking in record profits since publishing its Clickstarter campaign appealing to patriotism on four continents.

"It is a hit so big that it serves as a true tribute to America and our news service. We haven't had so many hits since we were the only major news outlet to cover the reverse-meteorite phenomenon," said Bill Dafferty, who answered the phone when we called our main office for a statement.

When asked if this extreme influx of cash has threatened the non-profit status of the news service, Dafferty said there was no need to worry. "If we make too much money, then we just ask the landlord to raise the rent. Our landlord is a corporation owned by us. Oh, and we fly first class more often to help spend the cash. Don't print that last part."