Friday, October 12, 2018

Frantic Mother Begs Mulch Park Posse for Help

The frantic mother of little Todd Howard Jefferton, the kid who disappeared last week while buying a burger and a shake, has appeared on media outlets begging the Mulch Park Posse to use their expertise to find her missing child.

As of the time of this report, she has not received any response. When a Bluegreenplant reporter asked her if she had seen the fiasco with the Posse and the LAPD and the tasers, she said that she had not.

The mother of little Todd Howard Jefferton was urged to call the Mulch Park Posse by Estelita, the famous psychic who has seemed to be on a roll recently.

It should be noted that the longer these disappearances go on, the lower the likelihood of recovering the child.

LAPD Chief Orders Mulch Park Posse to Hand Over Prisoner

A self-identified leader of the Mulch Park Posse tried to flee after finding himself for the second time in two weeks surrounded by LAPD cops. The still anonymous man pivoted in an awkwardly overweight way and shouted, "No! We insist that we only do business with the FBI!"

He had no where to go as the police ordered him to freeze.

"You freeze!" he responded and in unison, three officers fired their tasers on full stun.

The posse leader's eyes opened wide and his cheeks inflated like a puffer fish. The limited amount of hair on his head stood on end appeared singed. Before he fell backward on to some garbage cans near the exit of the studio where he had just appeared on TV, his arms and legs extended forming his body into the shape of a star. The crashing sound prompted other posse members to back off. The man lit up like some kind of a short-circuiting marionette, all in a cloud of ozone and smoke.

As the officers argued about whose cruiser would be used to transport the prisoner to the station, Bluegreenplant jumped at the opportunity to ask the woman who had previously identified herself as the leader's wife about what was going to happen.

"Oh," she said. "No problem. We will be happy to hand Plimberton over to the LAPD."

Thursday, October 11, 2018

Mulch Park Posse Snubbed by FBI

One of the self-proclaimed leaders of the Mulch Park Posse has called a press conference to air complaints about the FBI not returning phone calls. "We have Plimberton. He's on the FBI most wanted list. We want to hand him over. So why the hell doesn't the FBI return our calls. We had to go on the internet and fill in a form and nobody from the local or national office has called us. What do we have to do? Chop the prisoner up and send him in by FedEx?!"

The posse leader looked very angry. He was revving up for an additional rant, and another self-proclaimed leader, this time a woman, grabbed the microphone out of his hands. He looked puzzled, as if he thought it had disappeared into thin air.

The woman spoke in a calmer tone. She sounded as if she had gotten more sleep the night before than the man, who she identified as her husband. "Um, me and some other posse members just figured out that my genius husband gave the FBI the number from his cell phone that hasn't worked for a week. So, we are going to try sending them a working phone number and see what happens. We have been video taping our interrogations of Plimberton and so far he has confessed to five major crimes, including stealing a painting from the museum and the attack on that party in Beverly Hills. It'll be all coming out soon. God dammit!"

She said Goddammit because her husband had made an unsuccessful grab at the microphone and apparently knocked her in the left breast with an awkward elbow.

The Bluegreenplant reporter decided at this point to cut the interview short and not ask any questions about possibilities of the posse assisting in the search for the missing California child, Todd Howard Jefferton until later.

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Bluegreenplant acts as Fly on the Wall as Estelita Facetimes Frantic Mother

Due to its high prestige and standing in the news media world, The Blue Green Power Plant was the only news organization allowed in the room when famed psychic, Estelita, spoke by internet video to the distraught mother of little Todd Howard Jefferton, the kid who disappeared mysteriously as if into thin air when he left home by himself on his bicycle to ride two blocks in order to buy a burger and a shake.

The reception was fuzzy quality--not at all like the I-phone commercial. Still, the two communicating parties were successful in their mission.

"I am much calmer, now that Estelita has assured me that my little child is still alive. She even gave me tips as to how I can get him back. I am so happy. She sounded so sure and sincere!" This time the tears were tears of joy. She seemed so convinced, that one would have thought that the child was safely in her arms; this was not the case. As a matter of fact, the longer these missing child cases stretch out, the more likely it is that the child is never found.

Estelita seemed to want to cut the call short when Little Todd's mother began blubbering with tears. Her exact words were. "Stop crying and I will tell you how to get him back."

The tears stopped and the room became so quiet that a tiny Chinese chip could be heard listening in on the silence from deep inside the device.

Estelita spoke. "If you want to find your son, you must call the Mulch Park Posse."

As everyone knows, the Mulch Park Posse has recently been all over their news, receiving kudos for their recent capture of fugitive terrorist, Billy Plimberton.

Tuesday, October 09, 2018

Estelita Comes out of the Woodwork

Famed Florida Psychic, Estelita, has emerged from self-imposed absence months after being found not guilty in her trial for helping a terrorist organization. She appeared first on a local TV News station and her story was quickly picked up by the national media.

"Estelita has offered her talents to locate the missing California boy, Todd Howard Jefferton," said lawyer Barry Wheatsonburg. There was no shortage of quips from the press about her timing in hiring a lawyer.

"I just want to offer my assistance to the parents, who must be heartbroken to lose a child."

Little Todd Howard Jefferton disappeared from the face of the earth a week ago, when he told his mom he was going out to buy a burger and a shake with the money he earned mowing the neighbor's lawn. "I gave him permission because he just had to ride his bicycle a couple of blocks," she said through tears. "God knows only if he is alive or dead!" At this point she was blubbering and TV cameras had to be turned off because they were steaming up.

Oh, he is alive," responded Estelita with a calming energy--from the other side of the country.

Some claimed that Estelita was just trying to get publicity, others, including the mother were grateful for any help they could get.

As is par for the course, the longer these kids stay missing, the lower the odds of ever finding them.

Mulch Park Posse Captures Billy Plimberton

The Mulch Park Posse, a vigilante group from Mulch Park, Nebraska has posted video on Twitter which they purport to be Billy Plimberton captured and handcuffed with duct tape. "We have had some bad experiences with the LA cops, so we insist that the FBI show themselves so we can turn in this terrorist to them," a woman said. In the video, Plimberton can be seen wearing sunglasses and an orange hat, crouched down in a fetal position and crying.

When asked how they managed to capture the most famous fugitive in the world, a large woman, self-described as the leader laid out the operation. "OK. We were all thirsty so we went into a Jack in the Box restaurant and there he was, stuffing a Jumbo Jack into his face. I had memorized his face. In preparation, we made a deck of cards with all of the members of Naptimez Ova on the cards. Plimberton was the king of spades, the jack of hearts, and the two of clubs!"

"Did he put up much resistance?" asked a Bluegreenplant reporter.

"Not at all. We just surrounded his booth and said that we were going to throw him in the deep fryer. He froze and we cuffed him and walked him to our posse van."

The Bluegreenplant reporter asked to interview Plimberton, but the self-described leader just laughed and continued where she had left off. "We threw him in the back and it was bad cop-worse cop. We told him that we were the Mulch Park Posse and he had no rights."

At this point, the woman asked for directions to Griffith Park and then the interview seemed to be over.

Tuesday, October 02, 2018

Mulch Park Posse Fans Out Over Southern California

Armed to the teeth, the Mulch Park Posse has appeared in Southern California after swearing an oath on Youtube to never rest until the terrorist Plimberton and his gang are rounded up and eliminated. Results, so far, have been mixed. "We have been bewildered by the freeway system and the streets seem to be randomly named. In Mulch Park navigation is much more logical," said a self-proclaimed leader who wished to remain anonymous.

When a Bluegreenplant reporter asked why they don't navigate with a smartphone app, the posse leader became testy and shouted, "My phone burnt out when your LA cops tazered me."

When asked why he was tazed, the posse member really flew off the handle, "Listen! You are protecting terrorists! The cops are protecting terrorists! and I haven't slept for three days and a half!"

As he muttered in incoherence, the Bluegreenplant reporter edged away. The rest of the posse had apparently abandoned our interviewee in a picnic shelter in the old zoo location in Griffith Park.

The last time Bluegreenplant reporters caught up with the Mulch Park Posse, it was in the Florida Everglades, where a couple of posse members got stuck in the mud and were arguing with each other. During that excursion, their efforts to capture Plimberton came up zilch.

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Graphologist Jittery

Famed graphologist, Guraku Gakusha, has admitted to feeling very jittery since a local reporter detected an ominious figure in the studio audience of a show where Gakusha was a featured guest.

Sprinkles Hernandez, a reporter for the Canoga Park Chronicle, used facial recognition technology to follow up on a hunch about Gakusha's recent appearance on the Dr Phil show. "I was watching the show, and as they panned across the audience, I got this weird feeling that I should take a closer look, so I did just that," said Hernandez.

By repeatedly scanning various segments of video tape, the computer identified one audience member who was wearing sunglasses, an orange baseball cap, and not smiling at all. According to Hernandez, "The computer is 99.9% sure that the guy in the orange hat is Billy Plimberton. He was right there in the audience."

The Bluegreenplant reporter mimed the tipping of an imaginary hat and shook hands with the Canoga Park reporter, "Nice reporting," he said, "I tip my hat to you."

"Thanks," the Canoga Park journalist responded. "Oh, and one more thing."

"Yes, I know." The Bluegreenplant reporter rolled his eyes, stuck out his tongue, and mimed a knife going across his throat.

"What? Are you saying I'm in danger?"

"No. No. What were you going to say?"

"Well, there's just one more detail I wanted to share with you."


"When Dr Phil walked out of the studio with Robin, the guy didn't even applaud."

Plimberton was the culprit identified by Gakusha as the author of the threatening graffiti which appeared a few days before the Speigleman mansion was obliterated by mortar fire.

Monday, September 24, 2018

Country Judge TV Show Cancelled for Sure This Time

The president of the network has cancelled the hit TV show Country Judge starring Judge Marcus Cludderman, in spite of high ratings and lots of chatter in the gossip sheets. "I had to cancel the show to save lives," stated TV President Harrison Cornwalsh. "It is as simple as that. Judge Cludderman was going crazy with power and I had to pull the plug."

TV President Cornwalsh was referring to the previous episode when Judge Cludderman sentenced an actor to death by hanging, just because he was in a bad mood. The execution took place without a hitch, carried out by subcontractors who were contracted by the state of California.

Cludderman's mood may not get better any time soon. Witnesses stated that he was "pissed off" because he was not chosen to play himself in the movie version of his show. One witness overheard him at the next urinal talking to himself about how much he hated the actor chosen to play him in the movie. That actor, is Clift Barwell.

Saturday, September 22, 2018

Graphologist Identifies Author of Threatening Threats

Today, at a taping of the Dr. Phil show in Los Angeles, renowned Graphologist, Guraku Gakusha, identified the author of threats written in blood-red spray-paint on the security perimeter wall at the home of famed movie director, Steven Speigleman. The phrase Heads Will Roll was written in a very neat, but childish scrawl exactly 170 times. A few days after the threats appeared, the mansion was obliterated by mortar fire.

"I understand that after careful study you have determined that you can identify with up to 99.9 percent surety who this sick minded lowlife is. Isn't that so?" asked Dr. Phil.

"I am even more sure than that," stated Gakusha. "The sick minded individual who wrote that graffiti was Billy Plimberton, the leader of Naptimez Ova Terrorist group."

"I knew it!" responded Dr. Phil.

The audience applauded and they broke for a commercial.

Thursday, September 20, 2018

Judge Cludderman's Order Carried Out

At two o'clock PM today, Judge Marcus Cludderman's order of execution was carried out and actor Jim Minchener was executed on the gallows in Sacramento, California. The news stunned many citizens who had not seen the episode of Country Judge from the previous week.

"I never watch that show. As a matter of fact, it sucked every time I've watched it. I can't believe they would give that judge such power," stated a capitol groundskeeper who kicked garbage into some hedges as he insisted he remain anonymous. He wore coveralls which identified him as an employee for a private subcontractor hired by the state government. "Now you're telling me that a goddamned TV judge can have you killed? That takes the cake, it does!"

Minchener was described as almost jovial on his walk to the resurrected gallows in the Schwarzenegger Building, which is normally used for keeping tarps. "I think he thought he was still on a show," said Oscar Holman, a security guard from a private company contracted by the state. "His last words were something about his left side being his good side."  Holman acted as de-facto executioner. "I wasn't about to tell him it wasn't a TV show. I didn't want him to throw himself down on the ground and beg for his life or something."

When asked if he had any misgivings about the killing, Holman stated, "It wasn't a killing, it was an execution. Hell, he was found guilty, so I didn't kill him. He killed himself by breaking the law. What did he do anyway?"

Many voices have pointed out that it truly seems to be a harsh sentence for a man convicted of neglecting to pay his friend back on a loan for bail. It seems that the timing of his trial was unfavorable and sentencing came up at a time when the judge was in a particularly disagreeable mood.

Minchener is survived by his two parents, Leon and Scarlett Minchener, with whom he still had been living. His father shook his head as he murmured in a low voice that Minchener, on his next birthday, was due to collect on a multi-million dollar trust fund from his deceased grandfather who made a fortune in the toxic chemical business.

Sunday, September 16, 2018

Speigleman's Security Forces Pass the Buck

The fans of Country Judge--The Movie are not being offered any mea culpas from security forces in the wake of the explosive fiasco at the Speigleman mansion last week. On the contrary, the smoke has not cleared and security is already saying it is not their fault. A particularly intimidating group, who seemed to do a perfect job in the new addition to the Mad Max movie franchise, was unable to prevent the horrific carnage and destruction, which coincidentally looked like it came straight out of a dystopian-post-nuclear future in the Australian Outback.

A tall and muscular actor and former MMA fighter who identified himself only as Orta insists that the blame for the destruction goes directly on the graphologist who was hired to interpret the handwriting of the spray-painted blood-red graffiti on the wall outside of Steven Speigleman's mansion. "All I can say is that he had plenty of time to identify the threatener," said Orta. "He's sitting on his hands. Everyone knows it is Plimberton and all he had to do was identify Plimberton as the threatener so we could have gone after him and taken care of business." He seemed a little antsy, in spite of his leather muscle shirt and chain mail crotch protector.  "Our hands were tied. We couldn't do nothing."

"What went through your head when the first mortar hit?" asked the Bluegreenplant reporter.

"I'll tell you what I was thinking," Orta responded while thumping his chest. "I was thinking that I want to tear Billy Plimberton apart in a cage-match. Hell, I don't give a damn if he saved that jury member on TV. I know for a fact that he hates Clift Barwell. I am 120% sure that it's him."

Saturday, September 15, 2018

Stupid Kid Thought Mortars Were Fireworks and Didn't Get Scared

The aphorism: God Protects Stupid Idiots really rang true when a reporter from The Blue Green Power Plant did a short interview with teenaged Youtube Blogger, Sniffy Jefferton outside of the remains of Hollywood director Steven Speigleman's Beverly Hills mansion, which was attacked by heavy mortar fire after the announcement that Clift Barwell will be playing the role of Country Judge Cludderman in the upcoming blockbuster picture, Country Judge--The Movie.

When asked how he survived the onslaught, Jefferton sported a quizzical and at the same time blank expression. He reached into his designer jacket pocket and pulled out three Buffalo Chicken Wings which apparently had been wrapped in a napkin which had dissolved into greasy flecks of paper. "I don't know," he responded. After a few bites on the first wing, it slipped from his fingers and he made no effort to catch it. The bones, tendons, and meat bounced onto the manicured lawn and the reporter stood his ground with the microphone still in Jefferton's face. Finally, Jefferton continued. "What does onslaught mean anyway?"

The Bluegreenplant reporter tried his best to describe the situation, and even pointed out landmarks which were not there anymore.

"Oh! Like are you kidding me, bro?! I thought that was a fireworks show!" The suddenly animated kid tried to grasp the microphone with his greasy hands, but the Bluegreenplant reporter would not relinquish. "Anyway, that movie's gonna be dope!"

At this point the reporter had to venture into the destruction and find someone else to interview.

Before this doomed party, it was unknown if Clift Barwell was alive or dead. Now, until the smoke clears, the same applies, again.

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Mortar Fire Rains Down on Speigleman Compound

A joyous and welcoming celebration of a future Oscar was converted into a pock-marked and rubble-filled mess as a huge, military-grade mortar exploded in the middle of the dance floor at the Country Judge--The Movie rollout party. Panicked people pushed one another out of the way as confusion obscured logical thought. "It was terrible. There is fire and smoke and the pool was ruined, as far as I can tell. I lost my phone. Can someone call 911?" shouted a man in a tree overhanging the wall which was recently painted over to cover the ominous words: heads will roll, written seventy times in blood-red spray-paint.

A first responder, Jake Turner, a fireman who also works as an extra in shows such as The Price is Right and CSI Los Angeles, described the situation this way: "All F***ing hell has broken loose! We're all going to die."

It seemed as if he was on the verge of saying more, but suddenly all communication lines were cut when a news helicopter ran out of fuel and crashed into the mansion.

Police are said to be on their way so that they can investigate the cause of this nightmare during the day.

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

You Won't Believe Who Will Play Judge Cludderman In Country Judge--The Movie

The cast of Country Judge--The Movie is set. The contracts have been signed and the lead actors are rumored to be making record setting paychecks. "This production will make CB Demille roll over in his grave with envy. We are pulling out all the stops," announced director Steven Speigleman with a flourish of his arm.

He seemed to be teasing his audience, an unprecedented gathering of Hollywood brass, top tier talent, and dignitaries. They clapped politely to the announcement of Will Smith playing the part of bailiff Ronny Hines. When Speigleman announced the lead, the audience looked as if they had seen a ghost. The same audible gasp traveled through the throats of everyone there when Speigleman gestured with a slosh of his margarita and the star marched out from behind the curtain with pride, confidence, and swagger--like a man who was definitely ready for his big role. It was Clift Barwell, looking strong, healthy and tanned. It was a man who obviously had been making the best of his gym membership.

"I love you all," he said, casually holding on to a bottle of Fiji Water with a slice of lime. "I'm back, and you will definitely not be disappointed. I have read the script and it is of extremely high quality, outstanding! Good enough for me to say yes to the project!"

Speigleman clinked his margarita glass with what remained of his drink up against Barwell's bottle of water. "We have all the top people. If I had a mic, I would drop it!"

Thursday, September 06, 2018

Judge Cludderman Not Folksy

Today on the TV show, Country Judge, the star--Judge Cludderman--was in no mood for banter from the plaintiffs and defendants. When the defendant used the term scare crow as instructed by the producer, it was supposed to serve as a cue for Cludderman to tell a folksy story about how he worked as a scarecrow during the summers of his youth, and how work builds character.

Unfortunately, he was having none of that. Cludderman went off script. "You don't know shit about scarecrows, city boy! Why don't you just hire a mannequin from damn Macy's to replace the scarecrow!"

Both the plaintiff and defendant froze and looked to each other helplessly for guidance. Cludderman banged a brick on his desk, a brick he had picked up to replace his gavel which broke during the Estelita case. It shot off chips and dust and increased the depth of the dent which was already there. "I hearby sentence you to death by hanging!" Death by hanging! It was simply a case of two guys who were no longer friends because one of them borrowed money for bail and then insisted it was a gift. Nobody expected a death sentence.

The courtroom was aghast. An audience regular pointed to some gossip from a website on her smart-phone. "Look, they have decided on who will play Judge Cludderman in the movie version of this show! Do you think that's the reason he is so touchy?"

Police Raid Almost Nabs Naptimez Ova

A multi-agency law enforcement raid occupied the news cycle for several hours today, in spite of the fact that nobody was captured. Apparently, they "missed 'um by that much."

"We were very close to capturing the entire Naptimez Ova terrorist gang. There was a cup of coffee on the counter and some fries. They were still hot," said Officer Runchly of the Miami-Dade local FBI office.

After the FBI officer walked off, a local Florida Highway Patrol trooper began eating the fries.

"Hey, aren't those evidence?" asked the Bluegreenplant reporter.

"What? These are mine! I just bought them at that food truck across the street." He sipped the coffee. Apparently it was good.

When the Bluegreenplant reporter asked about catching the terrorist group led by Billy Plimberton, the officer responded. "Oh, this raid is just for you news guys. Those Naptimez Ova are in California. They are long gone from here."

Wednesday, September 05, 2018

High Security For Cast Announcement

Ultra high security has been imported from the cast of the new Mad Max movie to protect the upcoming celebration to announce the cast of the new Country Judge, the Movie, which is said to be ahead of schedule in production.

"There have been several threats, which we have decided to treat as realistic," said director, Steve Speigleman.

When asked how many threats, Speigleman wavered and then vocalized, "One hundred and seventy."

Apparently the community has been freaking out with fear and terror. Several threatening calls have been traced by the Beverly Hills Police Department, but the results were inconclusive. Graphologists are analyzing the penmanship of the graffiti on the wall around the perimeter of Speigleman's mansion where the words heads will roll were spray painted in blood-red paint. The graphologists' deliberative process is frustrating the locals, who want an arrest. Detectives from the logistics squad are gathering and studying various clues, one of which is a pair of initials scrawled at the end of the spray-painted threat. The initials are BP.

"I want an arrest made as soon as possible," said a jumpy Speigleman. "I can't live like this!"

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Terrorist Threat Threatens Country Judge Production Staff with a Threat

An ominous note and a burning bag of horse excrement that were left on the doorstep of famed director Steven Speigleman have been confiscated as evidence by Beverly Hills cops.

"Unfortunately for him, but lucky for us, Mr. Speigleman extinguished the fire, so it was not a problem to collect the evidence," said Officer Lieutenant Belinda Caraballo of the logistics squad last Sunday evening. "My colleagues back at the station might not like it, but this is going to go into an evidence locker so it can be inspected for clues."

"What did the note say?" asked a Bluegreenplant reporter.

Officer  Caraballo became tightlipped. "I am unable to comment about an ongoing investigation."

"Ah, c'mon! Was the note signed?"

Officer Caraballo took on an annoyed expression and began to walk away.

The Bluegreenplant reporter then reached into his journalist's bag of tricks and used psychology to get some information. "I bet you didn't even read the note, did you?"

Officer Caraballo stopped in her tracks.

"Who signed the note?"

She turned, narrowed her eyes, glowered at the reporter, and pointed at the reporter's face with her index finger. "I'll tell you who signed the note. It was signed by Naptimez Ova! OK!?"

With a pivot, her high heels clicked off into the distance.

Friday, August 24, 2018

Grand Hollywood Gala Scheduled to Announce Country Judge Movie

The movie studio has decided to pull all the stops in the promotion of the new, upcoming, Country Judge--The Movie. A gala event is scheduled this weekend at an undisclosed mansion in the Beverly Hills.

But you can't keep a secret long in this town and paparazzi are blocking streets and byways in the vicinity of the home of director, Steve Speigleman.

There is a lot of chatter about who will play the part of Judge Cludderman, the country judge. Already, the word Oscar has been mentioned and the cast hasn't even been announced. This is big.

Monday, August 20, 2018

Possible Naptimez Ova Spotting

Famed seascape painter Richie McGill has mentioned to his family that he saw the terrorist gang, Naptimez Ova, today at Whole Foods Market in the Palmetto  Bay neighborhood in Miami. McGill's son, Richie McGill junior then posted the news on Snapchat and one of his friends at school, Rayomundo Dollar, then posted a screenshot of the blurry image on Twitter, where it has become viral.

The gang apparently swept through the store and picked up nuts, cereal, and organic vegetables. They were reported to be well kempt and stylish. "They were very polite, but ominous," stated the post.

"If the rumors are true then someone has been hiding them in South Florida," said a police officer, who did not want to be identified because he was drinking a beer on duty. "Somebody ought to catch those guys before they cause more damage," he stated, right before letting out a belch.

Friday, August 17, 2018

Judge Cludderman Dejected

Judge Cludderman's exit from his chambers today was sadder than a one car funeral after it was reported that he learned on Twitter that he is not playing himself in the upcoming smash hit movie version of Country Judge. It seems that the director, Steve Speigleman, has let it be known that he wants an A list celebrity.

"I want someone with oomph!" exclaimed Speigleman to a group of admirers at a party. "Keep those martinis coming," he shouted to no one in particular.

It seems that Judge Cludderman is no longer the toast of the town. Rumors have it that Tom Cruise's agent as well as the agents of Brad Pitts and Jackie Chan are duking it out for the part.

"Have you considered using Judge Cludderman for the part?" asked a Bluegreenplant reporter.

"Cludderman? Who is that? Where's my martini!"

At this point the Bluegreenplant reporter couldn't handle the loud music for another minute and he exited the grounds of the mansion.

Monday, August 13, 2018

Spielberg Named as Possible Director of Country Judge Movie

Hollywood does not look as tired as it did before, now that everyone's a twitter about the new Country Judge movie. Word is that several high caliber directors are duking it out for the job, among them: Spielberg, Monet, and Washington.

Now that Judge Cludderman has retrieved his voice again, he is said to be the life of the cocktail party circuit. "I just want to thank the person who truly is responsible for my success. If it weren't for his actions, my show and my life would have a different trajectory," he said to a Bluegreenplant reporter outside of GĂ©rard Depardieu's mansion.

"And just for the record, who is that person?" asked the reporter.

"Jesus. I owe all my success to prayer."


"I truly am blessed." There was a clapping sound and the reporter noticed that a group of young starlets were encircling the interview to listen to Cludderman's replies. Judge Cludderman is definitely the toast of the town.

Sunday, August 12, 2018

Country Judge Renewed for a New Season

This time fact-checkers have been working 24/7 and it seems that Country Judge is actually popular. Ratings have skyrocketed and a Youtube video of Billy Plimberton reading the jury's verdict and then saving the jury foreman's life has gone viral with over a billion views.

The network has already renewed the show. "It's a winner," said network executive Donald Jerperi. "There's even talk about expanding it to an hour and I can see a movie based on the show in the works in the very near future." He pushed off his oversized desk with his foot and rolled across his corner office. "With all these criminals loose, there is a great deal of fodder. The public eats this up!"

When he said fodder, he was referring to the terrorist organization, Naptimez Ova, who is currently in hiding.

Thursday, August 02, 2018

Jury Foreman Chokes

   After hours of deliberations and take out food, the jury shuffled single file into the jury box, each member avoiding eye contact with the accused, Estelita.  A miracle of nature and perhaps some cough drops allowed the judge to recite his lines. "How does the jury find the defendant?" asked the judge, in an uncharacteristically laconic way.

The foreman, a large man with a lot of hair on the backs of his hands, unfolded a little piece of paper loudly and annoyingly in front of his microphone, "We came to a verdict and the jury finds the defendant..."

Just then, a fly swirled across the room and barreled into the foreman's open mouth, lodging in his trachea.

"Does anyone know the Heimlich maneuver?" shouted the bailiff.

After an uncomfortably long minute, Billy Plimberton jumped on the foreman. "I do," he shouted. And he snatched the piece of paper from his hand.  But he did not perform the maneuver. Instead, he read the verdict. "Not guilty!"

There was a smattering of applause in the courtroom, then Plimberton wrapped his arms around the huge, apelike man and lifted him off the ground. "One." He jerked again. "Two." Nothing. He jerked him again and a faint buzzing could be heard. "Three's the charm." A fly zoomed out of the foreman's nostril and the whole courtroom erupted in applause.

"Maybe they won't cancel us after all," exclaimed the judge.

"I knew this would happen," said Estelita, "Save a lot of time; just ask me the future. I tell you the future. And she walked out the door, a free woman.

Wednesday, August 01, 2018

Country Judge Regains Leadership Role

The country judge has regained the reins of his courtroom. When the disrict attorney moved for a mistrial, he very firmly looked at the camera and shook his head, "No."

The D.A. had argued that Plimberton's dual roles on the jury and as a witness made him ineligible to deliberate. "He should be replaced by the alternate juror or this whole thing should be declared a mistrial!"

But when wails of sobbing tears emanated from behind the jury room door, the country judge put his hand on his heart, in sympathy for the disconcerted Plimberton, and allowed him to stay.

"It was that damn Bible," muttered the district attorney as she stomped out of the courtroom.

It is unknown how long jury deliberations will take.

Monday, July 30, 2018

Plimberton Testimony Exonerates Estelita

Estelita, acting as her own counsel and in lawyer mode, seemed very professional, better than those lawyers on TV. She held a clipboard and paced in front of the witness, then she asked him a juggernaut of questions, referring to herself in the third person. "Did you get help from Estelita to kill Clift Barwell?"

"No way!"

"Did she help you escape in any way?"

"No way!"

"Do you think this is a big waste of time?"

At this point the D.A. sprung up. "Objection! Leading the witness!"

But the country judge just sat silently, staring at his broken gavel.

"No more questions, your honor." And Estelita was finished. "The defense rests."

The D.A. proceeded with cross examination, and boy, she sounded very cross. "Well, you have already admitted it under oath, so how did you kill Clift Barwell?"

"Did you see the judge kill that fly?"

"Please answer the question."

"It was just like that!"

"Where is the body?"

"It's right there," he pointed at the fly on the defense counsel's table, "on the table."

"Barwell's body!"

"If you have a corpse, you might charge me."

"No further questions."

Estelita remained seated. "Me neither. No further questions. This should go to the jury as soon as possible."

The courtroom sketch artist cringed as Estelita lowered her face down about two inches from the mashed fly on her table. She gently blew on it and the fly sprung to life.

Plimberton stumbled on his way back to seat number three in the jury box, accidentally sitting on the lap of a corpulant woman, a fellow jury member.

The fly flew straight across the room and began circling the judges head. It was time for deliberations.

Saturday, July 28, 2018

Unexpected Twist at Estelita Trial

A behind the scenes technician twisted his ankle when he blocked cameras with a "cut to commercial" cue card. All Hell broke loose when Estelita, acting as her own counsel, called a surprise witness and engineers refused to air the sponsor's message. The dumbfounded judge slammed his corn-cob gavel on the bench and coincidentally smashed a fly which had been bothering everyone.

It was not clear if the applause in the courtroom was for the extermination of the fly, or if it was for the surprise witness. Shellacked corn could be heard crunching and cracking under the leather boots of Billy Plimberton as he approached the bench. Never before has a member of the jury been called upon to testify as a witness in court, but as counsel pointed out, none of the law books in the library of the jail had mentioned any rules against it.

The judge flicked the flattened fly with his finger. It landed on Estelita's table and she gently scooted it away from the edge as if she were protecting it.

The bailiff stopped Plimberton before he could sit down. "Do you swear..."

"Hell yeah!" retorted Plimberton.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" he said.

Suddenly Plimberton's tone changed as he glanced down at his hand on the
Bible. It was the same Bible used as a prop on The Children Who Need Help Orphanage TV show. The last time Plimberton had seen that book was when he and his dad, played by Clift Barwell, were reading the story of how Jesus had spun thread out of sugar to entertain the toddlers of the Hebrew merchants. His hand had grown and the book had shrunk since that day of familial joy so many years before. Plimberton just stared at the Bible as he pulled his hand away.

"Sure. I will tell the truth."

District Attorney asks Pointed Questions on Day Two of Estelita Trial

Who would have thought that Estelita would answer in such a concise and clear way? Obviously, the district attorney came into court fired up and ready to put Estelita on the spot. She wanted to get the testimony on the record and under oath. She thought Estelita would be evasive or lie--and she did neither. "I thought my strategy was a home run," said the D.A. later that day, "Her answer just blew me away!"

The district attorney, whose name is not known by this reporter, approached the accused with caution, probably because of the mysterious powder blown into her cleavage the day before. Wearing an oddly unseasonal turtle-neck sweater, she stopped six feet away and raised her voice, "Do you know the whereabouts of Billy Plimberton, the leader of the terrorist group, Naptimez Ova?"

For a moment, Estelita hesitated, her balled-up fist in her lap. Then she responded. "Sure I do."

An audible hush overcame the ambiance of the courtroom. Even the air-conditioning stopped as if waiting for clarification.

The D.A. followed up. "Well, where is he?"

Estelita jutted her chin and gestured towards the jury box.

"Let the record show that the defendant has just identified juror number three as Billy Plimberton." Juror number three, wearing sunglasses and an orange cap, the same juror who was identified as the lone protester who somehow ended up in the jury box, was Billy Plimberton.

The country judge struggled, but remained ignored. The D.A. fumbled as her legal pad slipped to the floor and she accidentally kicked it. Estelita looked at her fingernails and Juror number three grinned.

Thursday, July 26, 2018

District Attorney Returns to Court Wearing a Different Outfit

A newly composed district attorney returned to court wearing a winter-season  outfit, even though it is still summer. She let out a gasp of horror when she realized that the court session had continued without her and Estelita was presenting to the jury with a deck of over-sized tarot cards.

"You are from the Southwest Area, aren't you?" she said to juror number five. "And you come from a nice family and a you drive a Chrysler. Is your name David Perez?"

The juror responded with utter disbelief. "Yes! David Chrysler, I mean Perez!"

"I object!" stated the district attorney, whose pantsuit bore a faint aroma of mothballs.

"You will find love very soon," In spite of the thickness of the red lipstick, Estelita's lips easily turned up in to an encouraging smile.

Juror number five shifted to the edge of his seat.

"I object!"

But the judge just sat there, unable to lift his gavel and hissing air like an inner tube floating down a country creek, an inner tube with a leak.

"I'm next!" stated juror number six.

Estelita Hijacks Court as District Attorney has Itching Attack

Completely out of character, Judge Cludderman sat in mute silence as the district attorney tore into famed psychic, Estelita, with questions.

"Is Clift Barwell still alive?! She leaned down into the defendant's face with a scowl.

Just then, Estelita unclenched her fist in front of her face and blew into it. The district attorney began scratching her cleavage and arms, and then excused herself for a bathroom break.

Cludderman, unable to call a recess, sat helplessly as Estelita turned to the jury to answer the question.

Estelita stood up and said, "Clift Barwell lives on in all of those hit shows, Jerik the Dolphin Trainer and The Children Who need Help Orphanage and that orange juice commercial." Then she winked at a jury member who was wearing an orange cap.

By using facial recognition software, a Bluegreenplant reporter was able to determine who that jury member was. It was the same lone protester who had been driven away by security forces days earlier. Somehow he had managed to get selected and planted in the jury!

Country Judge Mute!

As the charges were read against Estelita, the list of criminal activity rummaged as a veritable cornucopia of crime. A titter of laughter echoed through the courtroom as the defendant, acting as her own counsel, declared herself not guilty.

She is being charged with contempt of court and giving aid and comfort to a terrorist organization. The district attorney also piled on last-minute charges of murder, destruction of property and conspiracy to commit murder--citing the untimely and mysterious disappearance of Judge Plankon G. Smith, the jurist originally assigned to this case.

"Not guilty as well," she deadpanned.
This time the titter of laughter in the courtroom was met by a resounding bang of Country Judge's pewter and corn cob gavel. "There will be no laughter in this courtroom unless I make a joke!" he announced.

Up to now, those words have been the last words of the Country Judge. He began to cough and gag and when the bailiff gave him a glass of water, it seemed like his vocal cords short-circuited as if water had been spilled into a microphone. Air came out, but no sound.

"I am ready to read my client's statement, if you don't mind," stated Estelita, who, of course, was speaking on behalf of herself.

A Bluegreenplant reporter slipped a sewing pen out of her pocketbook, a sewing pin she saved exactly for occasions such as this one. She dropped it.

It fell with a clang!

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

Country Judge Rumored to be on Chopping Block

It turns out that the recent skyrocketing ratings reports of the TV program, Country Judge, starring Judge Cludderman have been proven to be falsified and network executives as a consequence have quickly shifted it to the chopping block.

The show's producers were banking on it rising to number one now that the case of Miami psychic,Estelita has finally gotten under way. Estelita has been accused of giving aid to a terrorist organization, the youth gang, Naptimez Ova.

TV critic Benjie Mackintired of the website Benjie's Bombs explains it in this way. "Cludderman won't stop talking. He is so in love with his own voice. He tries to be folksy, but it seems forced."

As a result of the scheduling, Estelita's trial will be over in two days, with the jury deliberating over the weekend.