Friday, November 04, 2016

Country Judge to Decide Plimberton Sunglasses Caper

Rumor has it that the first episode of Country Judge, starring formerly disgraced Judge Cludderman, will spotlight Billy Plimberton's case for stealing sunglasses from a rest area. Plimberton was charged recently when he came back to Mulch Park after founding a gang in LA and taking a field trip to Paraguay--possibly to pursue his deadbeat TV dad who had been running from Plimberton's threats.

"I think the best way is to get folksy with the boy, " said Cludderman.  He's gone on the wrong path and I aim to set him straight!"

When Plimberton was asked for comment, he just ignored the reporter and shouted at a nearby guard, "Where's my burger!?"

The new show, Country Judge, is set to air in December. The scuttle in the industry is that it is a sure hit.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Cludderman Signs Contract For Country Judge


Blackballed by the justice system for corruption, Judge Marcus Cludderman has suddenly emerged phoenix-like from the ashes of his disgrace. He is set to begin filming Country Judge for a major media outlet and has described himself as "more content than a pig in a mud waller."

Country Judge is reportedly completely different from anything else on TV. Cludderman describes it to a Bluegreenplant reporter. "There are a lot of judge shows on TV, but ours is completely different. Ours is so different that it will make all the others look the same." Cludderman grinned. "The public is tired of old ladies, Latins, and your run of the mill street-wise African Americans. Our new show will be revolutionary. In it I will decide cases based on testimony of plaintiffs and defendants, but I will incorporate folksy banter which will brighten that courtroom with the light of a spring day. I won't be afraid to mention Jesus, either."

The show will be taped at KHOG Studios in Mulch Park, Nebraska. It is not known which case will be first on the show, but America and the world, through syndication, is eager to find out!

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Billy Plimberton Gets into Scuffle While Posing for Mugshot

When Patrolman Danny Perkins politely asked Billy Plimberton, the too-big-for-his-britches leader of the Naptimez Ova! street gang, to remove his sunglasses for his mug shots at the headquarters of Mulch Park Police Department, Plimberton refused and had to be tazed.

"Suspects used to cooperate, now they don't. They just want to make every decision and they expect everyone to bow down to them," said officer Perkins. "I blame it on faulty parenting. Kids are spoiled and they grow up into  adults with a sense of entitlement."

The reporter was about to ask a question, but a piece of gum lodged for a moment in his throat.

Officer Patrolman Danny Perkins. continued, "Really, I think this young man's parents should be prosecuted as well."

Plimberton jittered on the floor and tried unsuccessfully to pick up the loose change which had scattered out of his pockets when he was electrically writhing on the the blue speckled linoleum tile.

The sunglasses were confiscated as evidence.

Friday, September 02, 2016

Warrant Issued for Plimberton's Arrest

Nebraska circuit Judge Stanford G Dolenger has issued an arrest warrant for Billy Plimberton, the leader of the street gang, Naptimez Ova!, for stealing a pair of sunglasses at a rest area on the outskirts of Mulch Park.

"We got an APB and a BOLO and a salad during our lunch break," laughed a Mulch Park Police officer who held his hand over his name tag during an interview with Bluegreenplant. "Are you kidding me?! A warrant over a pair of sunglasses? The judge who issued that is stupider than Judge Cludderman."

The Bluegreenplant reporter then pointed out that Naptimez Ova! may very well be in town to hunt down and murder a beloved Emmy winner in cold blood. The reporter bent down and squinted, "What is your badge number?"

The officer quickly covered his badge, too. "No further comment," he suddenly sat stone-faced.

But it was too late. The Bluegreenplant reporter had seen the badge. Number 0731, Patrolman Danny Perkins.

Thursday, September 01, 2016

Naptimez Ova In Mulch Park for Homecoming Game

The thuggish youth gang known as the Naptimez Ova! has been spotted in a highway rest area on the outskirts of Mulch Park. The leader of the gang, Billy Plimberton, posted selfies on Instagram under the hashtag: "#IT'S FATHERS' DAY!"

This grim homecoming has led more than one weary traveler to mumble into his burger and a shake that something bad is bound to happen. Marcus Cludderman, a former judge, driving a two-wheel drive Cadillac Escalade with 33 inch gumbo mudders, observed, "I just know that those young people are here for revenge. I used to watch that TV show, where their so-called poppa made so many promises to those kids. He used to read to them from the Bible, for God's sakes! Then he just up and abandoned them when he got a better offer. Those kids are young and nobody can hold a grudge like a youngster wronged. I seen it in my work. Hell hath no fury like a youngster traumatized."

The Bluegreenplant reporter suddenly realized that he was interviewing an infamous local celebrity. "Judge Cludderman, what other insight can you give us, based on your experience?" he asked.

"I mean, after they kill him, they'll bribe some sorry-ass-judge and get off scot free!"

If the readership will forgive a little editorializing, Marcus Cludderman should know what he is talking about. He was recently unbenched after a scandal involving bribery and the fertilizer spreader industry. He currently has procured an agent and is on a crusade to challenge the naysayers and demonstrate that he is, "still a force to be reckoned with." He is peddling a reality show called Country Judge, starring himself. He'll tell anyone who will listen about how he is re-imagining himself.

Cludderman continued talking about his new show, but suddenly, a ruckus was heard on the far side of the rest area. A shopkeeper rushed into the breezeway. "Hey, that guy stole a pair of sunglasses!"

"Who me?" responded a guilty-looking man.

"No, not you," shouted the shopkeeper. "That guy." He pointed.

It was unmistakable. Billy Plimberton  glared back at the merchant, adjusted the sunglasses, got into a black Kia and burned rubber--with fury.

Acting on a hunch, Bluegreenplant cross referenced records at the DMV and learned that Nebraska has absolutely no record of anyone named Billy Plimberton with a driver's license.

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Duckton Dunks on Dafferty

Runaway actor Clift Barwell has appeared in a cafe in Mulch Park, Nebraska where he claims to have been bullied out of his safe-haven in the Center of the Earth. 

The Natural Thunder Cafe is situated right next to a cave, which neighborhood children insist leads to the Center of the Earth. Actor Clift Barwell, presumed missing, dead, or both, has appeared in a booth at the cafe. "That's one hell of a hike," Barwell was quoted as saying. "The escalator was out," he chortled, getting a lot of attention from onlookers. Some acted as if they were seeing a ghost.

As he munched on an oozing burrito, Barwell became animated and an audience began to gather. "Although I was developing a fan base in the Center of the Earth, I have come back at the behest of my fans on the surface, but I'm not staying without security. I insist on security from day one. Deal?" A middle aged man at his table high-fived him.

A waitress poured him some iced green tea. He took a sip and pointed at the glass. "Please, I need one and a half more teaspoons of coconut palm sugar in that. I was safe in the Center of the Earth! Until reporters started asking around for me. I'm too famous!" He displayed his signature smile. "Next thing I know is I have a full police escort to the nearest border. Hello!? My standard contract insists on a stretch limo, full bar." He checked the audiences faces. "I'm just playing. I was fine with the scooter. I rode a motorcycle in one of my pictures, you probably know. Some in the papers said it was a stunt double, but it was mostly me. Any-who, the world couldn't live without me." He sipped again. "Perfect, sweetheart."

He paused to pick at a piece of tea leaf which was jammed in his front tooth. "But now, all I have is your love!" He handed the toothpick back to an admirer. "They kept my passport. I don't know why. It's not like I didn't take a ton of selfies with people and sign a whole lot of autographs. They didn't even give me back my wallet."

"Interview's over," announced the owner of the cafe, Mabel Gibbs. "Meal's over, too!" Gibbs gave a nod and slid the plate away from the freeloading customer as the waitress pried the burrito from Barwell's grip. "I just realized that you are that deadbeat who left those helpless kids to fend for themselves!" Ms Gibbs scolded him right before she kicked him out of the cafe. His stream of consciousness continued outside and this reporter had to catch a plane at the airport.

In other news, Bill Duckton is alive and well and he filed this story from Mulch Park. Reports of his demise are highly exaggerated.


Saturday, August 06, 2016

Barwell and Duckton's Possibly Fatal Miscalculation


Correction: An earlier Bluegreenplant article identified reporter Bill Duckton as the best that Bluegreenplant has to offer. That article, written by Duckton, contained errors. One of the errors was an excess of superlatives in reference to himself. To correct the record, it should be noted that Bill Dafferty was named everyone's favorite all-around journalist by a recent on-line poll and therefore is widely regarded as Bluegreenplant's best. 

No news from the Center of the Earth indicates that Bill Duckton, who won the Pluitzer Prize for journalism a long time ago and is well past his prime, may be in over his head. His efforts to bring Emmy winner Clift Barwell to the surface have proven to be unfruitful and this stillness augurs a tragic outcome.

This reporter, Bill Dafferty, has organized a vigil to honor the lives of beloved actor, Clift Barwell and colleague, Bill Duckton. It will be a candlelight March from the Saint Hortense Church to Actor's Theatre on Frontage Road at ten PM this Thursday night in Mulch Park. The public is encouraged to be there. The March will be videotaped to be later shown at Duckton's memorial service.

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Duckton Finds Clift Barwell in Center of Earth--ALIVE!!!

Crackerjack reporter Bill Duckton has located absconded actor Clift Barwell in the Center of the Earth where he fled in order to escape the wrath of thugs who used to be his family on a reality show.

Duckton used an old-fashioned journalistic strategy to find Barwell. "I just kept asking questions. As I dug deeper, I eventually found myself in the Center of the Earth and bingo!" said Duckton.

Duckton says he will triumphantly return Barwell to the surface as soon as he can prove to him it is safe.

Duckton, winner of the Pluitzer Prize, is widely regarded as the best reporter at the Blue Green Power Plant.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Blue Green Power Plant Raking in the Dough

Disclaimer: This article is about this news service. We remain impartial reporting on ourselves.

The Blue Green Power Plant is raking in record profits since publishing its Clickstarter campaign appealing to patriotism on four continents.

"It is a hit so big that it serves as a true tribute to America and our news service. We haven't had so many hits since we were the only major news outlet to cover the reverse-meteorite phenomenon," said Bill Dafferty, who answered the phone when we called our main office for a statement.

When asked if this extreme influx of cash has threatened the non-profit status of the news service, Dafferty said there was no need to worry. "If we make too much money, then we just ask the landlord to raise the rent. Our landlord is a corporation owned by us. Oh, and we fly first class more often to help spend the cash. Don't print that last part."

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Monday, February 15, 2016

Blue Green Plant Finds New Financing Paradigm!

The Blue Green Power Plant has decided to solicit funding from The People's Republic of China to fund it's Clickstarter campaign, since funds from the USA have fallen short.

"We received a couple of bad checks, probably from people who just wanted free t-shirts," said a Bluegreenplant representative, who shrugged and chortled nostrilly.  "The joke was on them," he continued. "Our policy is not to send any t-shirts until checks clear."

The Bluegreenplant reporter thought the Bluegreenplant representative was finished and began to pack up the microphone. 

The representative continued talking, "So the joke was on them!"

The reporter laughed and the representative stopped him from unplugging the mic. "Since there are billions of people in China, it was determined to be an excellent source of revenue for Bluegreenplant's salute to the Declaration of Independence and the USA."

The reporter mentioned that it was a good idea, then an electronic pop was heard as the microphone was disconnected.