Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Weird Signal from the Center of the Earth Suddenly Dies

Bored scientists at the world's largest radio telescope reversed the signal to prank another researcher into thinking that a bustling city had been detected on one of Saturn's moons. The night crew at the SETI array in Arecibo, Puerto Rico reversed the polarity of the telescope's signal in an effort to focus on the city of Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic.

The trick turned out to be a huge fail as the scientists forgot to compensate for pollution in the Earth's atmosphere, resulting in the enormous apparatus boring its radio beam into the center of the Earth.

Although the video of the prank is basically a documentation of anticipation evolving into disappointment, the participants decided to post it on YouTube because they had nothing else to do.

When a Bluegreenplant reporter contacted the head of NASA for comment on the video, the three SETI researchers were summarily dismissed, only to be rehired three hours later to investigate "a brief blip" which was detected-- suggesting a biological organism moving in the Earth's mantle.

When contacted for additional comment, a NASA janitor who answered the phone call expressed disappointment and explained, "They came down from Washington and pulled the plug. First they said it wasn't in their job description to look at Earth, then they fired my three friends, again, who all have families to feed. So messed up."

Monday, June 23, 2014

Prize Winning Reporter Goes into Semi-retirement

One of Bluegreenplant's original reporters has decided to focus more on his lawn and less on reporting negative forces in the world. Before the ice cream cake, decorated in courier typeface with the message, We Love You Bill, was sliced up at Bluegreenplant headquarters, Angela Ramos made a speech honoring him as the greatest mentor ever, and Bill Dafferty gave a brave smile and a thumbs-up before his Skype signal malfunctioned and he was suddenly cut off.

Although Duckton cited his desire to take better care of his lawn as reason for retirement, some have noted that it seems as if all the recent bad news has gotten to him. When handed the assignment to cover Plimberton's victorious flight out of Paraguay, Duckton confided in a colleague that he "was just so tired of the news being so unfair," and that at least he had "the illusion of control" when maintaining his lawn.

Due to Bill Duckton's walnut allergy, he was unable to try the top-notch ice cream cake, but everyone agreed it was delicious.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Paraguayan Government Flinches

National Army forces and Paraguayan government drones were dispatched to detain Naptimez Ova! shortly after the obliteration of Emmy winner Clift Barwell, but the over-cautious president balked after viewing a video of Billy Plimberton in a bad mood.

The president and several members of the National Assembly opened emails containing links to several YouTube videos of Naptimez Ova! acting up. "While bowling together at the presidential recreation center, our leadership concluded that this Plimberton fellow has bigger balls than any in our bowling alley and it would be better to have him on our side," a presidential aide confided to a Bluegreenplant reporter.

Naptimez Ova! exited Paraguayan airspace escorted by two Henkel HE-116 aircraft, piloted by the best of the Paraguayan Air Force.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Naptimez Ova! Return to USA

The street gang known as Naptimez Ova! has chartered a limousine-style air jet and returned to the United States. "Mission accomplished! " cried out one of the young gangsters.

"Shut up," shouted Billy Plimberton,  the undisputed leader of the group of thugs, who then addressed the reporter, "Let's just say we got a little homesick."

The thugs leave destruction and unanswered questions in their wake.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Sky's the Limit for Barwell

The roof of actor Clift Barwell's vacation hideaway in Paraguay has been videotaped rambling down Iguazu Falls over thirty miles away from its original location.

"I brought these flowers to leave at the house as a memorial,"  says Xiao Peng-yo, who describes herself as a diehard fan. After releasing a cry of lamentation, she wipes her nose on her forearm as a gesture of mourning and continues, "When I threw them into the crater where the house used to be, they disappeared like it was a bottomless pit! Now I'm going to buy more flowers to throw into the falls."

The roof going over the falls accompanied by the song Orphans of God has already received over a million views on YouTube under the title Barwell's Paraguay Visit the Bomb!