Thursday, February 27, 2014

Jungle Rebels Complain

Just across the Pilcomayo River, in an Argentine no-man's land, Paraguayan Rebels kill time playing 1980's video games such as Rocks! and Bullfrog! in an arcade with a broken ceiling fan. These Rebels can not fight because of the sudden dearth of armaments on the local black market.  All of the most lethal weaponry has been scooped up by a foreign buyer.

When a Bluegreenplant reporter did a little digging in a rubbish bin outside a pizza parlor-gun shop, a portion of a discarded visa receipt was found.  Because of the extremely neat penmanship it was clear, Billy Plimberton's name was on the dotted line.

When a local police official was asked to comment, he scratched his head and said, "Those Naptimez Ova! are surrounding that house with the actor inside.  They have enough firepower to blow the place to kingdom come."

"Where did they get all the weapons?" asked the Bluegreenplant reporter.

"The black market!"  he said.  "Someday we will find that place and..." He punched the palm of his opposite hand for emphasis. "Someday we will shut that place down!"

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Minkheim - Gomez Takes a Punch

Paraguayan paparazzi Carlos Minkheim - Gomez was involved in a rather madcap misadventure when he found himself in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"What was that all about?" he groaned from his cot at Asuncion Metropolitan hospital.  The painkillers were just kicking in.

It seems that the hapless shutterbug was jumped by a gang of unidentified thugs as he jockeyed to get a better shot of the interior of the cottage where emmy winner Clift Barwell is staying rent free.

"What can you tell us about the attackers?" asked the Bluegreenplant reporter.

Obviously the painkillers started to make him delirious as he muttered repeatedly "Naptime's not over, is it? Wow that rabbits all over the place; do you see it?" He pointed his finger towards an empty corner.

By the time the Bluegreenplant reporter had backed out of the room,  the tubby patient was making no sense at all. He shouted incoherently, "He's got a human foot!"

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Plimberton Tweets Augur Doom for Barwell

Billy Plimberton, leader Of Naptimez-Ova!," has been banned from Twitter after posting the following tweets from AsunciĆ³n, Paraguay:

"Five star hotels - - only the best for Naptimez-Ova!"

"Barwell's show is gonna get canceled for good!"

"Capybaras shall dine on his bones!"

Word about town is that the raucous gang of aged-out orphans is combing the city in a vengeful crusade to capture actor Clift Barwell, who is cowering in a local bungalow with curtains made of burlap in the Verdugo District of Asuncion.

When the CEO of Twitter was contacted for comment, his spokesman told the reporter that violent threats upon the lives of stars such as Clift Barwell would not be tolerated.

There's no information about when, if ever, Plimberton's account would be reactivated.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Scrubwoman Shocked at how Billy Plimberton has Changed

"He used to be such a sweet little boy," said a scrubwoman at the Kids Who Need Help Golden Dome Orphanage who prefered to remain anonymous. "Back in the old days he was all thank you and please." She wiped her nose on her sleeve for a drip unrelated to tears. "Now he is acting like a thug, a hoodlum."

She was describing Little Billy Plimberton, who grew up into the malicious street gang leader of Naptimez Ova!, which has taken a mysterious field trip to AsunciĆ³n, Paraguay.

"I tell you," she said as she pointed towards a brand new sofa, "Where that new sofa is--he used to sit on the old couch and beg his father to read Bible stories to him. His favorite was the one about Jesus doing the magic tricks. Imagine that, calling miracles magic tricks! But it was cute the way he said it." She went on, talking about how people would be better off if they read The Bible.

The Bluegreenplant reporter was beginning to get a little annoyed with scrubwoman, Elsie Jenkins, for being long-winded.

"Now they tried to blow up that movie star's car and they won't be satisfied until he is dead. Now I have got a message for Jerick the Dolphin trainer." She looked into the camera of the assistant who was recording the interview on a cell phone. "If you are watching this, RUN! Run! RUN!  Hide!  And go out and buy yourself a gun. Those damn kids mean business. NAPTIMEZ Ova! ARE COMING AFTER You!"  She was in an emotional frenzy. This time when she wiped her nose on her sleeve, the nasal running was related to her tears. "He was a such a nice boy, but someone should have suffocated him with a pillow when he was a little baby because now he is bad, evil!"

When Ms Jenkins was asked how long she had worked as a scrub woman in the orphanage, her energy took a hostile turn and she focused on the journalist, as if pondering giving the evil-eye. All she would say was, "Now, I know that you are not gonna refer to me as a scrub woman in your article, are you!?"