Sunday, December 07, 2014

Mars Rover spotted stalking Mars rover!

"I'm giving this to you for free because I love your website and I know that you have too much integrity to pay for news articles," said our unnamed anonymous source, who may or may not work at NASA in the Control Center for the Mars Rover Project, Classified Section. "Plus," he slapped his knee and hooted a laugh, "nobody will ever believe you."

The contact from The Blue Green Power Plant accepted the manila envelope with the enclosed photo of some kind of a creature following behind the Mars rover. "Thanks. What the heck do you think it is?"

Our unnamed source responded with a sudden nervousness which came over him like a paranoid itch, "All I know is that the State Department wants to quell the project now. They are afraid it will spread panic." He began to edge out of the room.

"What about the President? What does he think?" added the BGP reporter.

"The president?" He looked from side to side. "The president doesn't know about this. I told you it's top secret!"

The Following picture was taken by the Mars Rover Project and transmitted to Earth in November of 2014.  It was copied by our source before all the files were ordered destroyed.


Sunday, October 12, 2014

Actual Video Footage of UFO

Some working class fellows won the lottery in the state of Florida. The first time they went out on their 50 foot yacht was the last. "It scared the Hell out of me," stated Nathan Hodge, of Sarasota and Long Island. "First we don't have any idea how we wantered (sic) into the Atlantic. Then we see this freaking thing up in the sky! Forget it! I staying on land from now on!"

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Weird Signal from the Center of the Earth Suddenly Dies

Bored scientists at the world's largest radio telescope reversed the signal to prank another researcher into thinking that a bustling city had been detected on one of Saturn's moons. The night crew at the SETI array in Arecibo, Puerto Rico reversed the polarity of the telescope's signal in an effort to focus on the city of Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic.

The trick turned out to be a huge fail as the scientists forgot to compensate for pollution in the Earth's atmosphere, resulting in the enormous apparatus boring its radio beam into the center of the Earth.

Although the video of the prank is basically a documentation of anticipation evolving into disappointment, the participants decided to post it on YouTube because they had nothing else to do.

When a Bluegreenplant reporter contacted the head of NASA for comment on the video, the three SETI researchers were summarily dismissed, only to be rehired three hours later to investigate "a brief blip" which was detected-- suggesting a biological organism moving in the Earth's mantle.

When contacted for additional comment, a NASA janitor who answered the phone call expressed disappointment and explained, "They came down from Washington and pulled the plug. First they said it wasn't in their job description to look at Earth, then they fired my three friends, again, who all have families to feed. So messed up."

Monday, June 23, 2014

Prize Winning Reporter Goes into Semi-retirement

One of Bluegreenplant's original reporters has decided to focus more on his lawn and less on reporting negative forces in the world. Before the ice cream cake, decorated in courier typeface with the message, We Love You Bill, was sliced up at Bluegreenplant headquarters, Angela Ramos made a speech honoring him as the greatest mentor ever, and Bill Dafferty gave a brave smile and a thumbs-up before his Skype signal malfunctioned and he was suddenly cut off.

Although Duckton cited his desire to take better care of his lawn as reason for retirement, some have noted that it seems as if all the recent bad news has gotten to him. When handed the assignment to cover Plimberton's victorious flight out of Paraguay, Duckton confided in a colleague that he "was just so tired of the news being so unfair," and that at least he had "the illusion of control" when maintaining his lawn.

Due to Bill Duckton's walnut allergy, he was unable to try the top-notch ice cream cake, but everyone agreed it was delicious.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Paraguayan Government Flinches

National Army forces and Paraguayan government drones were dispatched to detain Naptimez Ova! shortly after the obliteration of Emmy winner Clift Barwell, but the over-cautious president balked after viewing a video of Billy Plimberton in a bad mood.

The president and several members of the National Assembly opened emails containing links to several YouTube videos of Naptimez Ova! acting up. "While bowling together at the presidential recreation center, our leadership concluded that this Plimberton fellow has bigger balls than any in our bowling alley and it would be better to have him on our side," a presidential aide confided to a Bluegreenplant reporter.

Naptimez Ova! exited Paraguayan airspace escorted by two Henkel HE-116 aircraft, piloted by the best of the Paraguayan Air Force.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Naptimez Ova! Return to USA

The street gang known as Naptimez Ova! has chartered a limousine-style air jet and returned to the United States. "Mission accomplished! " cried out one of the young gangsters.

"Shut up," shouted Billy Plimberton,  the undisputed leader of the group of thugs, who then addressed the reporter, "Let's just say we got a little homesick."

The thugs leave destruction and unanswered questions in their wake.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Sky's the Limit for Barwell

The roof of actor Clift Barwell's vacation hideaway in Paraguay has been videotaped rambling down Iguazu Falls over thirty miles away from its original location.

"I brought these flowers to leave at the house as a memorial,"  says Xiao Peng-yo, who describes herself as a diehard fan. After releasing a cry of lamentation, she wipes her nose on her forearm as a gesture of mourning and continues, "When I threw them into the crater where the house used to be, they disappeared like it was a bottomless pit! Now I'm going to buy more flowers to throw into the falls."

The roof going over the falls accompanied by the song Orphans of God has already received over a million views on YouTube under the title Barwell's Paraguay Visit the Bomb!

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Barwell House Exploded to Bits!

The house where Clift Barwell has been hiding in Paraguay just blew up to bits on live network television.  The announcer, visibly shaken by the events, screamed, "No! There were human beings in that house!" Media historians have already posited that his statement will live on, right next to Oh the humanity!

It looks like Barwell will definitely not be the star of Jerik the Dolphin Trainer Two.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Bored Reporters finally Grateful for something to Report On

The Siege of the little hidden bungalow which  has served as actor Clift Barwell's safe haven has been going on for a little less than two months. In the last four days it has escalated to a near explosive level.

Tourists have been politely asked to stop gawking and neighbors have been aggressively evicted for their own safety as well as for the construction of a future Walmart.

The little thugs have been chanting! "Naptimez ova! Naptimez ova!"

Any minute now it is expected that the house containing Barwell will see no more tomorrows!

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Jungle Rebels Complain

Just across the Pilcomayo River, in an Argentine no-man's land, Paraguayan Rebels kill time playing 1980's video games such as Rocks! and Bullfrog! in an arcade with a broken ceiling fan. These Rebels can not fight because of the sudden dearth of armaments on the local black market.  All of the most lethal weaponry has been scooped up by a foreign buyer.

When a Bluegreenplant reporter did a little digging in a rubbish bin outside a pizza parlor-gun shop, a portion of a discarded visa receipt was found.  Because of the extremely neat penmanship it was clear, Billy Plimberton's name was on the dotted line.

When a local police official was asked to comment, he scratched his head and said, "Those Naptimez Ova! are surrounding that house with the actor inside.  They have enough firepower to blow the place to kingdom come."

"Where did they get all the weapons?" asked the Bluegreenplant reporter.

"The black market!"  he said.  "Someday we will find that place and..." He punched the palm of his opposite hand for emphasis. "Someday we will shut that place down!"

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Minkheim - Gomez Takes a Punch

Paraguayan paparazzi Carlos Minkheim - Gomez was involved in a rather madcap misadventure when he found himself in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"What was that all about?" he groaned from his cot at Asuncion Metropolitan hospital.  The painkillers were just kicking in.

It seems that the hapless shutterbug was jumped by a gang of unidentified thugs as he jockeyed to get a better shot of the interior of the cottage where emmy winner Clift Barwell is staying rent free.

"What can you tell us about the attackers?" asked the Bluegreenplant reporter.

Obviously the painkillers started to make him delirious as he muttered repeatedly "Naptime's not over, is it? Wow that rabbits all over the place; do you see it?" He pointed his finger towards an empty corner.

By the time the Bluegreenplant reporter had backed out of the room,  the tubby patient was making no sense at all. He shouted incoherently, "He's got a human foot!"

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Plimberton Tweets Augur Doom for Barwell

Billy Plimberton, leader Of Naptimez-Ova!," has been banned from Twitter after posting the following tweets from Asunción, Paraguay:

"Five star hotels - - only the best for Naptimez-Ova!"

"Barwell's show is gonna get canceled for good!"

"Capybaras shall dine on his bones!"

Word about town is that the raucous gang of aged-out orphans is combing the city in a vengeful crusade to capture actor Clift Barwell, who is cowering in a local bungalow with curtains made of burlap in the Verdugo District of Asuncion.

When the CEO of Twitter was contacted for comment, his spokesman told the reporter that violent threats upon the lives of stars such as Clift Barwell would not be tolerated.

There's no information about when, if ever, Plimberton's account would be reactivated.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Scrubwoman Shocked at how Billy Plimberton has Changed

"He used to be such a sweet little boy," said a scrubwoman at the Kids Who Need Help Golden Dome Orphanage who prefered to remain anonymous. "Back in the old days he was all thank you and please." She wiped her nose on her sleeve for a drip unrelated to tears. "Now he is acting like a thug, a hoodlum."

She was describing Little Billy Plimberton, who grew up into the malicious street gang leader of Naptimez Ova!, which has taken a mysterious field trip to Asunción, Paraguay.

"I tell you," she said as she pointed towards a brand new sofa, "Where that new sofa is--he used to sit on the old couch and beg his father to read Bible stories to him. His favorite was the one about Jesus doing the magic tricks. Imagine that, calling miracles magic tricks! But it was cute the way he said it." She went on, talking about how people would be better off if they read The Bible.

The Bluegreenplant reporter was beginning to get a little annoyed with scrubwoman, Elsie Jenkins, for being long-winded.

"Now they tried to blow up that movie star's car and they won't be satisfied until he is dead. Now I have got a message for Jerick the Dolphin trainer." She looked into the camera of the assistant who was recording the interview on a cell phone. "If you are watching this, RUN! Run! RUN!  Hide!  And go out and buy yourself a gun. Those damn kids mean business. NAPTIMEZ Ova! ARE COMING AFTER You!"  She was in an emotional frenzy. This time when she wiped her nose on her sleeve, the nasal running was related to her tears. "He was a such a nice boy, but someone should have suffocated him with a pillow when he was a little baby because now he is bad, evil!"

When Ms Jenkins was asked how long she had worked as a scrub woman in the orphanage, her energy took a hostile turn and she focused on the journalist, as if pondering giving the evil-eye. All she would say was, "Now, I know that you are not gonna refer to me as a scrub woman in your article, are you!?"

Monday, January 27, 2014

Naptimez Ova Bakesale and Carwash a Smash!

"A little strategy goes a long way!" laughed Big-boy Billy Plimberton, the leader of the Naptimez Ova! street gang. "We are known as Naptimez Ova!" he informed a Bluegreenplant reporter, as if she didn't already know who she was talking to. The newly chartered youth gang, after frittering away a large portion of their settlement funds on golden domes, statues of unicorn families, and actors to play their parents, has proactively sought out ways to add to their coffers.

By using an ingenious and novel strategy, the group of aged-out orphans from a Nebraska orphanage and reality TV show raised enough money to fund an educational field trip for every member of the gang.

Billy Plimberton explained. "You see, instead of washing a ton of regular people's cars for one dollar, we washed just one rich guy's car and charged him a couple million dollars." Plimberton checked the time on his Rolex and continued. "Now we have enough for a field trip to South America."

"Are you going to see the ruins?" asked Bluegreenplant reporter Tabby Lane.  She wore a smart-blue jacket.

"Maybe we are gonna make some ruins!" laughed Plimberton in a thug-like and antagonistic way.

The Bluegreenplant reporter's nervousness began to jitter the microphone, but she had one more question. She asked, "What kind of car was it you washed for so much money?"

"Towelamp's car," muttered a lad with cigarette burns on his fingers.

"Shut up!" snapped Plimberton.

William Towelamp was recently declared legally dead by the Mulch Park Diversified Insurance Company. The coroner filled in the blank referring to the cause of death with a simple question mark on the official death certificate.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Barwell Saved by Mysterious Fan

Little is known about the charitable  and mysterious figure that saved Emmy winner, Clift Barwell, from the rough and tumble streets of Asuncion's Verdugo district.

Paraguayan paparazzi, Gonzalo Widerlich, reported that Barwell wandered from the airport on foot, offering to take selfies with a lot of people who failed to recognize him. His dejection transformed to joy as a middle aged woman called him by name and led him to the house where he is currently staying, a modest home with curtains made of burlap. She was heard saying in English, "Don't be mad. Be glad--you don't want to be recognized now, silly. I help you disappear. "

A characteristic smoke which suggested several Paraguayan delicacies arose from a chimney stove pipe--life-giving sustenance to help the international star, beleaguered by a band of life-taking thugs--Naptimez Ova!. 

Naptimez Ova! is composed of aged-out children who once worked with Barwell in a reality show about orphans and their loving and supportive new parents. Barwell left the show for brighter pastures after ratings began to dip as the children began to show signs of being less cute.

Friday, January 17, 2014

Barwell Deported to Paraguay

Emmy winner Clift Barwell has been spotted by Paraguayan paparazzi, Gonzalo Widerlich, at a concourse at Silvio Petirossi International Airport in Asunción. According to Widerlich, Barwell, "Stood out like a waiter's thumb in your hot bowl of borí borí."

He reports that the award winning actor was wearing a filthy  Armani jacket and tattered khakis, from an unknown designer. His hair was styled as wavy-messy, and he carried no more luggage than a cup of spaghetti and a US government issued toothbrush, which he possibly had been using as a spoon.

Widerlich seemed both starstruck and confused as he feigned concern, referring to Barwell by first name. "I am worried about Clift. I asked him about the Golden Globes and he just screamed like a maniac, repeating again and again, Naptimez Ova! Naptimez Ova! Naptimez Ova!"

Widerlich apologized to fans for not snapping a picture, insisting that he was too flustered and the encounter all happened too fast.

It is not known what Barwell was referring to in his rantings, although perhaps he was saying the name of the youth gang which has sworn an oath to hunt him down and cut his life short.

Wednesday, January 01, 2014

Barwell Nabbed by Immigration Agents

Actor Clift Barwell is currently in an immigration detention center. Apparently in his efforts to hide, he ended up in a system of cross border smuggling tunnels.  A fellow subterranean traveler described meeting Barwell. "I was crossing the border in this fancy tunnel, underground; then all of the sudden the wall started crumbling and I was face to face with my  hero, Jerik the Dolphin Trainer. I love that show. Unfortunately, he was all panicky and pale, not nearly as good-looking as he appears on television. He was carrying one of those super-powerful flashlights from the infomercial he does late Saturday nights. Of course, that particular tunnel had its own lighting system so it wasn't necessary."

She continued talking to Bluegreenplant reporter Angela Ramos and finally got to her point. "Señor Barwell said he was escaping from a gang of thugs who wanted to kill him. I took him under my wing and told him to follow the tunnel to Mexico to be safe. That was when the raid happened and we were separated. I didn't even have time to take a selfie with him!"

Immigration is mum about the situation. Barwell, however, tweeted that he needed a notarized copy of his birth certificate.