Saturday, October 26, 2013

Emmy Winner Afraid to Leave House

Emmy award winner Clift Barwell is afraid to step one foot out of his house now that his neighborhood has been taken over by the Naptimez Ova! street gang.

Said Barwell's agent and lunching buddy, Michael Sternberger, "He just sits in the house biting his fingernails and clutching his Emmy. His jaw shakes like those comical novelty teeth that you wind up; however this is not funny at all." The middle-aged former stand-up comic with a non-matching sport coat looked like he just walked out of a New Jersey deli. Before backing into his office and closing the door he added, "We used to have working lunches. Now we never go out any more, and it's his turn to pick up the tab!"

The police refused to comment on the situation, saying that anti-gang operations would be put at risk if Naptimez-Ova! were clued in about law enforcement's planned maneuvers.