Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Barwell Exercises Option on Contract

Actor Clift Barwell has decided not to exercise his option to renew his contract playing the father in the Children Who Need Help Golden Dome Orphanage. He plans to leave in spite of rave reviews and scatter around Hollywood that he may be nominated for an Emmy for the part.

"The Kids are devastated, said the janitor and polisher of the golden dome. You can't just abandon kids like that. It might warp their minds and screw up their future."

When reporters from The Blue Green Power Plant asked Barwell to respond to the janitor's comments, all he would say was, "Be sure to see Jerik the Dolphin Trainer. It's funny and dramatic, also touching. You will laugh and maybe cry a few tears."

In last Wednesday's final episode of the reality series, as he and some children are eating cupcakes and coloring a picture of Pinocchio rescuing Geppetto from the belly of Monstruo the Whale, Barwell is heard to say, "Hey, I'm gonna take you kids on a road trip to Disney World this Spring! How do you like that idea?"

It is a poetic foreshadowing of the tragedy to come when, as Barwell tears the picture out of the coloring book to put it on the refrigerator, it accidentally rips in two.

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Barwell Planning Fathers' Day Surprise for Kids

Cell phone video of sidelined actor Clift Barwell definitely does not make him appear to be a father of the year contender. In the conversation in a Mulch Park doughnut shop with an unidentified female, he refers to his co-stars as brats, monsters, whiners, little morons, and crack babies. He does not once refer to them as kids. He especially has some choice words for his principal charge, Little Billy Plimberton when he refers to the young tyke as a future terrorist.

The busy actor has logged quite a few frequent flier miles between Mulch Park and Los Angeles as he juggles his reality show and smash hit movie. In the doughnut shop video, he holds a particularly high level of rancor for his non-human co-star in his concurrent project, the movie version of Jerik the Dolphin Trainer. At one point he waves his overbandaged hand antagonistically at a doughnut shop manager who expresses admiration for Barwell's dolphin co-star. When she remarks, "I love Puncheon Seven; he's so cute, smart, and funny," it triggers a Barwell tirade, where he calls the animal a stupid fish. The fact that Puncheon Seven is a robot is not addressed in the conversation.

The video, taken furtively by a doughnut shop employee who described herself as an ex-Barwell fan, is trending at number one on social media. Television psychologists are emphasizing the importance of not exposing kids to the video as it could prove traumatizing. Particularly upsetting is the part where Barwell boasts to his giggling female companion that he is planning to, "tow Puncheon Seven into Japanese territorial waters in the middle of hunting season so they can drag him out of the sea with a harpoon and make sushi out of him."

Towards the end of the video, Barwell elicits the loudest cackle of laughter from his conversation partner when he lowers his tone of voice and tells her, "Get this, I'm going to bail on the orphanage gig on Fathers' Day."

Barwell was unavailable for comment when Bluegreenplant reached out to him through his agent on the phone.