Saturday, November 19, 2011

Imposter Not Good Enough

A second court proceeding in just as many days, has been upended by the weird behavior of Sir William Towelamp, and has resulted in another pissed-off judge. At a preliminary hearing for the suit brought upon the billionaire by a group of orphans, when Mulch Park Judge Connie Blake instructed Towelamp to state his name, he stood up and recited his full name. But when she instructed him to sit down, he remained standing and got into a staring contest with the judge.

When she threatened him with a contempt citation, Towelamp continued to stand and stare until a reverse-meteorite flew across the room to break the awkward moment. The object hit Towelamp in the head, completely decapitating the defendant with horrific effect. This scene was met with confusion and panicky screams. When sodium hydrogen carbonate and sparks shot out of the headless neck, it became clear that Towelamp had sent a robot in his place. The judge became livid and announced that the Orphans' case against Towelamp would be fast-tracked so that the children would not go hungry without sufficient funds.

Prior to the odd courtroom appearances, William Towelamp's last location was rumored to be Metropolitan Hospital, where he was said to be recovering from an attack from a reverse meteorite.

It is not known for what reason he would send a replicant to court in his place.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Towelamp Flubs Court Appearance

Billionaire Sir William Towelamp, who is recovering from multiple hits to the head, messed up his lines during a preliminary hearing in the Central District Courtroom of Judge Linus Moody at the Mulch Park Municipal Courthouse. An observer in the courtroom said that things became disconcerting when Towelamp groped for words when asked his name. Blogger, Lamar Wright, who observes courtroom proceedings to report in his blog, Getting Justice Just Wright, commented: "The judge pressed him to state his name for the record, and he just hemmed and hawed, insisting that he was telling the truth, but refusing to say his name. The judge obviously got miffed and he sarcastically asked him if the court should have him provide a fingerprint; the plaintiff said yes and stuck out his tongue. He kept the tip of his tongue hanging out a little and his lawyer had to push it back into his mouth with a pencil. It was just bizarre. My wife thinks he has the wrong medication."

Towelamp's case against the Children who he blamed for damaging his automobile was summarily dropped by the impatient judge when the counsel for the orphans, a law school student working pro-bono and under a Nebraska state waiver, demonstrated that Towelamp was incapable of identifying defendant, Billy Plimberton.

The judge, however, saved some of his venom for the other side when he soundly scolded Sister Elenor McFarlane of the Children Who Need Help Charity, for praying aloud during the court session. The sister whispered, but mistakenly spoke into a hot microphone which amplified her voice when she said, "Thank you Lord for removing the jinx which had fallen over these children."

"The fact that she whispered made it all the more creepy," blogged Lamar Wright in a follow-up to a reader comment about the case.