Saturday, November 20, 2010

Limousine Wheels Go Round and Round


The limousine with two scientists inside is perched on the rim of a volcano in such a way that the wheels are just spinning. They no longer contact the ground. "The thing is so precariously balanced there, if a feather or a speck of volcanic dust lands on the front end, the whole thing may tip into the gaping mouth of the fiery volcano's fury," said Trevor Clint, an aspiring novelist who is biking around South America. "I witnessed the whole thing."

Analysts hired by the Blue Green Power Plant have studied both home videos sent by Clint and live feed from Google Earth and they have another completely different assessment of the situation. "After careful analysis, we are sure that the novelist is wrong. It would take at least twenty specks of dust to tip them into the volcano."

Authorities have cut off the limousine's access to news reports so that the scientists will not get scared.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Pope Gets Stoned!!!


In a crazy Biblical twist, just as the Pope quoted the famous scripture, "May he who is without sin cast the first stone," a rock appeared from out of nowhere and hit his tall hat, which gripped his skull with velcro fasteners as he went off-balance and an unforgiving gravity pulled him to the floor.

He sang in a sing-song Latin, "I am OK," then was said to curse in German after four body guards piled on top of him to protect him from further projectiles. Vatican Doctors say that this pileup caused a hairline fracture in his spare rib.

Analysis of video from twenty seven angles has revealed the culprit in the attack. It was a reverse meteorite.

Sunday, November 07, 2010

Pope Mentions Paraguayan Scientists in Sunday Mass


The Pope of Rome singled out the Paraguayan Scientists who are sitting in a limousine precariously upturned at the edge of the opening of an active volcano. He suggested that all Catholics and Heathens from other religions pray to the Virgin Mary to save the scientists, who appear to be too scared to try to open the car door.

"We are living off the vast stores of snack foods and liquor here in the limo," Hector Chang, the taller of the two scientists whispered in an interview over the limo-phone. "Don't worry. We have a bathroom and everything in here." Then after an awkward silence, the man who had dedicated his life to godless-science blurted out: "Pray for us!"

As the Pope mentioned the two scientists, he cringed and showed tension in his shoulders.