Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Conflict in Andes Almost Kills Survivors of Crash

A Colombian rescue party opened fire on an Ecuadoran rescue team when they met face to face on a ridge between the two countries.

"We thought they were guerrillas. Who would have known that a small,minor country like Ecuador would send out a team to rescue those scientists who were attacked by the reverse meteorite," said a Colombian rescuer.

"If we are a minor country, then how come we got there first?" shouted a short little guy with a cap that said Quito on it. "Those guys were almost rescued, then these jerks...." he pointed at the Colombian leader. "...these jerks started shooting and scared them away."

The good news is that the scientists appeared to be in good condition when they ran away and disappeared into the jungle-laden hills.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Reverse Meteorite Attacks Plane

A reverse meteorite has attacked a plane where three distinguished Paraguayan scientists were enjoying a movie in first class. The movie, more accurately described as an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" with the racy scenes edited out for a general audience, was curtailed when the plane slipped off of radar screens and slipped into an unexplored section of the South American Andes.

A middle school student in Saskatchewan, Canada reported a wrong number in his math class at approximately 2:15 Canada time. "I got this call and I answered it cause I thought it might be my mum. It turns out to be this guy screaming that an asteroid was attacking his plane and he just said that they were going down down. Then I got a detention for using my phone in class."

Ecuador, Colombia, and Chile have offered to send out search parties.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Paraguayan Scientists Get Free Ticket

Paraguayan scientists who overstayed their work visas are looking forward to enjoying a first-class flight home to their South American homeland. "I suspect that we will be welcomed as heroes," said Hector Chen, the leader of the scientific team who discovered a creature living inside of a reverse asteroid/meteorite. "All of us on the team are homesick. Besides, it is impossible to find a job nowadays in the USA."

The scientific team was sponsored by Manuel Maximo-Gomez, an ice-cream truck driver who is renowned for publishing pamphlets on physics and hygiene. The carefully orchestrated investigation crumbled when a disgruntled fast-food employee revealed that none of the scientists was working for Maximo-Gomez, and one of them had actually applied and was hired to replace the employee who had been caught on videotape giving away free apple pies.

"Anyway, our job is done here. We have done the leg work. The rest is up to your NASA etc." smiled Dr. Chen.