Friday, April 23, 2010

Coast Guard Vessel Sinks to Bottom of Ocean

A coast guard vessel which confiscated an asteroid with a creature inside has sunk to the bottom of the ocean. According to a major drydock contractor, there is no reason for the fast-boat to have sunk.

"I swear that my company earns every penny that we get from the US government. We inspected that boat and found it to be totally sound," said Shandly Tonslindale, president of Tinkletown, a company that sub-contracts with the United States Government to plug up holes in Coast Guard vessels and bathtubs and toilets. "If that thing sunk, it was not our fault."

The crew of the vessel were rescued by ocean voyager, Tyler Plomo, who, while cruising in his houseboat, spotted the three guys and one gal floundering around in phosphorescent life rings.

Bystanders on the docks expressed concern for the creature in the asteroid. Bababji Smith, ten years old, stated, "I sure hope that creature can hold its breath. Ha ha."

This reporter wanted to procure more comments on the situation, but had to meet a deadline.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Coast Guard Intercepts Asteroid

The United States Coast Guard has stopped a fleeing houseboat with an asteroid aboard. Creatures are living in the asteroid and it has been claimed by various individuals, including a trash digger's friend.

More details will be provided as they become available.

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Asteroid Eclipses Ignot

All news stories about Bill Duckton exploiting his fame and popularity to help his friend, Bill Dafferty to legally steal an ignot that he doesn't deserve from a poor trash digger have been chucked onto the back burner of the newsroom now that someone has found the asteroid with an otherworldly creature in it.

"I found this weird thing and at first I thought it was Jesus inside a rock, but then someone at the McDonald's told me they heard about it on the news and it wasn't Jesus," said Tyler Plomo of The Ocean. "It captured great interest at first, then everyone from the McDonald's cleared out and I was the only customer. The girl talked me into buying two apple pies and I only wanted one. Then she said she would give me coffee for free if I took my asteroid outside. I got a large."

Tyler Plomo lives on a yacht and is a self-proclaimed traveler of the hemisphere looking for interesting objects in garbage dumps.