Sunday, January 31, 2010

High-Powered Lawyer Reports Escape

A high-powered lawyer who was hired by William Towelamp to assure the prosecution of Bill Dafferty on charges of racketeering discovered something that will surprise the readers of this blog.

He said, "I went to his jail cell to taunt Dafferty a little bit, you know, make him crack. It's a technique I learned in law school for making those dirtbags confess. Anyhoo, I got to the cell and he had escaped. There was a hole in the bottom of the cell and not even his toothbrush was still in the cell. He would not run unless he were guilty."

A Blue Green Power Plant reporter on the scene, the recently rehired Angela Ramos, noticed that it was the same cell which held the Odd Prowler about a year ago--the one he escaped from. When court maintenance records were checked, they showed that nobody had repaired the hole."

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Irish Cop Arrests Bill Dafferty

A corrupt Irish cop has arrested Bill Dafferty while he was monitoring the line of pilgrims who were visiting the tiny baby Jesus inside of the asteroid which smashed into a candy machine when it came zooming out of the sky. "I'm placing you under arrest for runnin a numbers racket and cheatin all of these people out of their money." The cop seemed to be very serious.

All the people in the line insisted that he let him go. "We won't press charges," they insisted.

The cop seemed to lighten up after he was given a Mars bar. He got out the key to the handcuffs and jingled them in anticipation of releasing the prisoner.

"I want to press charges!" shouted a voice.

That is why Bill Dafferty is now in the pokie. Behind bars.

And who was that voice? William Towelamp, who had just arrived in Miami on his private Jet.

Friday, January 08, 2010

Tabby Lane and Angela Ramos Rehired

Due to an increase in funding on various levels, the Blue Green Power Plant has been able to re-hire the beautiful Tabby Lane, who was weighing bids from Fox News and Gauntlie's Blog which are rumored to be in the six figure catagory. "I became a reporter to inform people. That is why I return to the Blue Green Power Plant. Even though they mistreated me by giving other reporters corner offices while I was brutally let go, I appreciate that it is the only place in modern media that tells the untold stories," she said in her poetic, seductive and yet commanding voice.

On a side-note, Angela Ramos was also rehired.

Byline: Tabby Lane

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Dafferty Raises Price of Asteroid Viewing

Bill Dafferty has raised the price of viewing the Asteroid with the baby Jesus vision inside from Fifteen dollars to twenty seven dollars and 99 cents. Grumbling pilgrims had a conniption fit, but continued to shell out the dough. A survey, done by the Blue Green Power Plant, has collected data that shows that statistically, everyone who has viewed the Asteroid Miracle has identified the situation as extremely satisfying.

A vegetarian man who works as a butcher, Milbin Zerkseez, has stood in the three-hour line six times with hopes that the experience will bring him good luck. "I really this will help me with my job search." he said grinningly.