Thursday, February 28, 2008

William Towelamp Fires Dr. Gamma's Mom's Lawyer

Billionaire William Towelamp has fired the top-notch lawyer of Emma Gamma, the mother of the famous hero, Dr. Reginald Gamma. Towelamp procured legal counsel for Mrs. Gamma when she was detained in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba by US Homeland Security Officials who insisted that her behavior was odd.

When asked about his motivation for the sudden firing, Towelamp stated, "You people in the press are so stupid."

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Feeder Goat Kills Expensive Tiger

A goat which was procured by the Municipal Zoo in Soapington, England and intended to be a meal for Philatilus, the bengal tiger, now sits alone in the tiger's cage, on top of an artificial rock. The no-name goat killed Philatilus in mid-pounce with a horn to the heart. The executive governing board of the Zoological Society is in shock. The zoo paid "a record amount of money" for the striped cat in October of last year.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Readers Will Not Believe Real Name of Renaissance Man

A dumbfounded and flabbergasted Blue Green Power Plant reporter sat mutely babbling, like a wheel of fortune contestant who got the puzzle right after the buzzer rang, after just one question with the Renaissance Man, the mayor of Mulch Park.

After three cups of coffee to ward off the Nebraska cold, our reporter playfully inquired to the Renaissance Mayor the question he was previously unable to answer in court due to a jaw injury, "What is your name?"

The Renaissance Mayor took the question seriously. He hesitated and then rubbed his newly un-wired jaw, which doctors say healed nicely. Then he replied, "My name is Hecot Smithly."

A pin was heard dropping on the other side of the room. The Renaissance man is the same man who was absorbed into a towel and trapped in some kind of Nirvana/Twilight Zone until finally rescued by a heroic doctor, who is now missing.

Our Blue Green Power Plant reporter finally gathered his wits for a follow up question, but instead dumbly said, "I thought I'd seen that face before."

The exclusive interview was over.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Renaissance Man's Jaw to be Unwired

When the doctors unwire the mended jaw of the Renaissance man, The Blue Green Power Plant will be there with exclusive rights to interview him. He scrawled the promise on paper as he was supervising a crew that was building some sort of a huge platform at the site of the former vacation home of William Towelamp. That home was destructed after it was condemned by the city of Mulch Park.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Towelamp Hopping Mad

Billionaire William Towelamp is hopping mad since he found a vacant lot where his fancy vacation home once stood. A witness described him as so mad that "he looked at a bird and it burst into flame." The ex-knight of the British Empire stood for three hours as his disbelief became rage and then a semblance of acceptance.

The home had been previously condemned by the city of Mulch Park and the demolition was perfectly legal," said Benny Sunifivich, a lawyer who advises the Blue Green Power Plant on legal matters.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Renaissance Man Freed on Technicality

The Renaissance man enjoyed an ice cream cone and a shot of bourbon at the first ice cream parlor and non-sports bar he could find after being released from the slammer in Omaha. Judge Milo Ottenger was scuttled when a courtroom mopper discovered documents revealing that Ottenger was impersonating a judge. "He wasn't a judge at all," said Lenny Testigo as he sprayed cleaning fluid on an obscene graffiti.

A new judge was assigned to the case, Judge Mercedes Toalla-Linterna. She immediately declared a mistrial and released the Renaissance man on his own recognizance.

When asked for comment, the Renaissance man finger spelled, "I still don't like bourbon very much."