Sunday, January 27, 2008

Renaissance Man Accidentally Makes Obscene Gesture at Judge

Friday, in court, the Renaissance Man accidentally flipped the feathered friend at Judge Milo Ottenger, who quickly slapped him with a three-month sentence for contempt of court.

The Renaissance Man, who recently had his jaw operated on and could not speak, was trying to finger spell his name when asked, "What is your name?"

Witnesses say the judge entered the courtroom already in a bad mood because of his waking up late and his dog eating his breakfast. "The judge was madder than Hell. I knew the Renaissance man was a'goin straight into trouble," said Lenny Testigo, a floor mopper at the courthouse for over 20 years.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Towelamp Seems To Have the Upper Hand

In a space-age teleconference, Billionaire William Towelamp and Judge Milo Ottenger smoked cigars and slapped one another on the back and announced that the judge had filed the following order with the court of the state of Nebraska: If the Renaissance Man does not answer the question put to him on his previous court date, he will be held in contempt of court and relinquish his rights, ergo, he will be fired from his job as mayor of Mulch Park unless he can say his name in his upcoming court date.

His upcoming court date is one day before he is scheduled to have his jaw unwired, one day before he will be able to utter any single word.

When asked if the Renaissance man would be able to get the wiring removed early for the court date, his doctor said, "Absoultely not. I am involved in a golf tournament on that day."

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Renaissance Man's Jaw Wired Shut

A pro-Towelamp judge has slapped a hefty fine for contempt of court upon the poor Renaissance Man, who is recuperating from having a Steinway Baby Grand Acoustic Piano dropped on him from a third floor balcony as he was condemning the vacation home of T-shirt billionaire William Towelamp.

The short-tempered judge, Judge Milo Ottenger, broke his gavel after the Renaissance Man refused to answer one question: "What is your name, sir?"

Tabby Lane, counsel for the Renaissance Man, stated that her client was unable to speak on account of his jaw's being wired shut by doctors following his "blueprint for recovery."

A spokesman for Towelamp's cadre of lawyers responded by getting between Ms. Lane and the television cameras and insisting that the Renaissance Man is, "faking like a dumb schoolboy before a spelling test."

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Towelamp Sues to Impeach Renaissance Man

"It says so right in the state constitution for the state of Nebraska. You can't be mayor of a city if you don't have a name. The Renaissance Man is not a name, therefore he should be dragged through the mud and impeached, then fired!" Those were the harsh words of William Towelamp emanating from the speakers of the television at Metropolitan Hospital in Nebraska, where the Renaissance Man is recuperating from having a piano dropped on him from a third floor balcony.

When contacted for comment, a state of Nebraska constitutional expert reluctantly stated, "This Towelamp guy may have a valid case!"

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Renaissance Mayor Injured By Falling Piano

The Renaissance man was injured by a piano which fell three stories from the balcony of the Towelamp vacation home in Nebraska. Spokesman for the Omaha Metropolitan Hospital, Dr. Milo Ottenger, states that, "He is an excellent patient. Whoever did this to him was a horrible person. Surgeons had to remove 23 piano keys from his thigh. He is a very brave patient, under sedation now."

When asked for a comment, the Mayor just groaned and waved.

Towelamp was spotted eating cereal on the porch of his home. When asked for comment, he seemed in high spirits, "Since I am so rich, I push a piano off the balcony every year to celebrate New Years. I didn't know he was down there. Happy new years!"