Monday, December 29, 2008

Odd Prowler Arrested Outside Top News Agency Building

Metro-Miami-Dade County Police have arrested an odd man who was reported to have been prowling around the headquarters of the top news gathering agency, The Blue Green Power Plant (disclaimer: you are reading the Blue Green Power Plant now and this reporter works for the Blue Green Power Plant).

Workers reported that the odd man was digging in the soil, peering creepily into the windows, and kicking the tires of cars in the parking lot. The officer making the arrest had a lot to say, condensed into one sentence: "It's a shame, something happening like this during the holidays and all..." said Officer Fellow of the Metro Dade Police.

Said a Bluegreenplant employee who wished to remain anonymous due to his embarrassment about his spelling: "Their was no way that guy wasn't going to be seen because we are all lookin out the windows dejectedly, waiting for Bill Duckton. Everyone is starring out the windows!"

Said Tabby Lane, reporter normally based in the UK: "I was literally scared to death. I looked out the window and his face popped up in front of me. It was so creepy. He looked like a creature."

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Christmas Ruined!!!

Bill Duckton did not show up at the Blue Green Power Plant holiday party. Never has such anticipation been met with such preoccupation, anxiety, and disappointment. The absolute lack of communication from Pluitzer Prize winner Duckton only intensifies the situation.

"Nobody in America will be able to enjoy Christmas now because they are worried about Duckton," said Santa Claus, or at least a man who looked like Santa Claus, outside of the retailer of questionable scruples, Macy's.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Bill Duckton Promises to be Home by Christmas!!!

Threatening to steal the spotlight from Santa Claus, Bill Duckton's announcement that he would be home in time for the Blue Green Power Plant Christmas party has people abuzz all over the surface of the Earth. Sandi Clay, the receptionist at the Blue Green Power Plant seemed particularly excited when she said, "I started working here after Mr. Duckton had already left, so I have heard so much about him, but now I am so excited that I might meet him in person!!!"

Randy Oldfeld, custodian at the Blue Green Power Plant observed, "He is going to have a shit fit when he finds out about his car not being where he left it."

Bill Dafferty suggested that someone buy a cake in the shape of the Pluitzer Prize and write "Congrats Bill" on it, but the idea was vetoed as being premature and one Haitian guy said that might be bad luck.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


"All he had to do is travel to the center of the Earth with a whining politician who skipped out on him and a crazy lady reporter who punched him in the eye when he tried to rescue her. Then after that become the ambassador who represents everyone on the surface of the Earth and charms with his charisma so that the Center of Earth people fall in love with him and therefore love us, the people on the surface in all countries." That was the toast proposed by Lennie Stewcraft, owner of Trophy Mart Industrial, where the prize statuette will be forged out of gold leaf, aluminum, and portlum alloy.

Please join us in congratulating Bill Duckton and calling him home so he can pick up the prize. Bill we miss you too much. It is time to come home!!!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Towelamp on Short List For Bailout

To mix a metaphor: The cat is spilled out of the bag with the beans. William Towelamp, the former Knight of the British Empire who had his title of "Sir" taken away by none other than Queen Elizabeth, has managed to get his name added to the short list of possible beneficiaries of a massive federal bailout for rich people who are so important to the economy that they must be spared from economic pain because their discomfort may effect the chain of finance and therefore hurt average people!

It was explained on the News Hour on PBS by a renowned economist, Mike "Dollarsign" Shillerton, "It is all very simple. If the Towelamp fortune is allowed to fall, then the whole economy of the USA will be in tatters and it will implode, and you might lose your job or take a big pay cut and become homeless and your kids will have to drop out of school and collect scrap metal and your wife will have to get a night job, if you know what I mean!"

Another economist had a different viewpoint. Harry "Bill" Nitehawk of Turnberry University said, "I see Towelamp as a blip on the radar screen of life. He could be replaced by a bird; that's how important I view him."

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Towelamp Abandons Vigil

William Towelamp, the millionaire who used to be a billionaire before the financial crisis, has abandoned his vigil at the hole that leads to the Center of the Earth in Mulch Park, Nebraska. He can't be seen hanging around there and eating from the lunch wagon, as has been the case for many months now, since he got up and left in a huff after a reporter's suggestion that the scary gorilla that accosted Towelamp wasn't a real gorilla, but was Mayor Hecot Smithly, the guy whose ass Towelamp was waiting to kick because the ex-billionaire insisted that Smithly was still down the hole.

Bluegreenplant reported some time ago that Smithly had surfaced through a cave in the bottom of a spring in Cuba, but Towelamp called it a "ruse."

Towelamp was last reported to be at the Mulch Park Airport, boarding his private Learjet with the destination of Ronald Reagan Airport in Washington D.C.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Mayor Hecot Smithly Rented Gorilla Suit

A shop owner, irate about the late return of a rented costume, has released the name of the customer who recently rented a gorilla costume one day before William Towelamp was frightened by a scary gorilla as he held vigil at the hole that goes to the Center of the Earth in Mulch Park, Nebraska. "It was a top of the line model. And we had to call the Mayor's office repeatedly, over and over again, more than once, before Mayor Smithly sent an assistant with the costume. At least he had it dry-cleaned before returning it, but still, there is no excuse for that lateness!"

Monday, November 24, 2008

Angela Ramos Files Report that Makes Duckton Look Bad

Bluegreenplant reporter Angela Ramos has filed a hard hitting report from the Center of the Earth and has taken a lot of guff from fans and admirers of Bill Duckton. Some of the fans claim that the report, an interview with a Center of Earth "local," paints the Pluitzer Prize nominee as "shady or scary."

Angela responds to these critics by saying, "I don't make the news. I just report it as I see it and it is up to the people to judge. What's more, I think I didn't make Duckton look as bad as he really is."

On another note from the Earth's crust, Bill Duckton's car has been missing from its parking space at Bluegreenplant Headquarters for over a month. Colleague Bill Dafferty suggests that it may be stolen.

Below is a link to Angela's report.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Gorilla Scares Towelamp at Four A.M.

It seemed as if things could not get any worse for ex-billionaire, William Towelamp, and then they got worse when an enormous gorilla snuck up on him as he was catching 40 winks at his outpost at the hole that leads to the center of the Earth in Mulch Park, Nebraska.

Security cameras were rolling as the horrific silverback, three times the size of a man, fuzzily jumped out from the shadows, testing the quality of old Towelamp's pacemaker. Towelamp bravely stood his ground before running away.

Don't expect to see that video any time soon. Towelamp's agents quickly bought up and destroyed all copies of that security video before anyone could see it.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Billionaire William Towelamp is Now Only A Multi-millionaire

"Due to the flux in the stock-crash market, William Towelamp is now worth about half to a third of what he was worth a couple of months ago, when he began his vigil at the hole that leads to the center of the Earth," stated a noted economist on a syndicated gossip show recently.

Horace D. Ernest of Harvard Community College told Amy Platter of the show "Access the Hollywood Isider" that the Towelamp fortune has been "melting away like a giant ice cube in the sun and if stocks continue to go down, he may end up being homeless again." (Italics: ours.)

The Blue Green Power Plant tried to confirm the story, but the bank refused to confirm or deny any of the allegations, citing banker-client privilege. (Italics: theirs.)

Friday, November 07, 2008

Duckton Video Transmitted

This may be the story of the century. The Bill Duckton interview video has been transmitted from the Center of the Earth. Although this video was intercepted and played on CNN, let it be known that Bill Duckton sent it directly to the Blue Green Power Plant.

Bill is a truly spirited explorer and hero in the true sense of the word. We are proud of him. Please view the video. We know you will share our pride. By the way, it looks like they are treating him well. He has put on a couple of pounds!

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Transmission Received from Angela Ramos

Totally lost Bluegreenplant reporter, Angela Ramos is still somewhere in the center of the Earth. After she refused help from colleague Bill Duckton, Duckton headed off to do a television interview in The Center of the Earth, and Angela lagged behind until she was "found and lost."

The good news is that she has plenty of food and water. "Duckton left his backpack. He was so absent minded. All he was doing was talking about how he was going to win the Pluitzer Prize and be the first human interviewed in the Center of the Earth. I would rather be lost than listen to that day in and day out while hiking to the surface."

In a very weak rescue effort, billionaire William Towelamp has promised to yell down the hole that leads to the Center of the Earth and act as a "vocal beacon."

Friday, October 31, 2008

Towelamp Refuses to Abandon Vigil

William Towelamp, the curmudgeon who is waiting at the hole that leads to the Center of the Earth so that he can kick Mayor Hecot Smithly's ass, refuses to abandon his vigil even though Smithly exited the center of the Earth and went dancing in Cuba and promptly returned to Mulch Park, Nebraska after saving his doctor, Reginald Gamma, who saved him a year before when he was absorbed into a towel, and Gamma's mother, who had been captured by Homeland Security Forces and cooped up at Guantanamo detention center. "Hell," said Towelamp, "I have enough money to have a lunch truck here twenty-four seven."

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Murmurings Assert Assertions About Phantom Video

A blogger from a rival blog has asserted the assertion that Bill Duckton's interview on television in the Center of the Earth was all a hoax and a sham and never took place at all.

Well, maybe that is the reason why they are number two. They need to check their facts.

At The Blue Green Power Plant, we make srue that everything we print has been checked and double checked. Then after that, we CHECK IT AGAIN.

We are sorry that Bill Duckton's transmission has not been received in such a long time. We want you readers to know, we believe in Bill Duckton and if he said he was going to be on TV, believe him. His name is credibility.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Video of Duckton Interview Squelched!!!

Thousand of worldwide fans are extremely upset and disappointed now that over a week has passed and the interview with Bill Duckton in the Center of the Earth has not been released.

"I think the interview has been squelched because he got them with too many zingers. I think the people from the Earth's core felt lost once Duckton's mind got going with his verbiage and journalistic momentum. Their government is protecting them so that they won't feel inferior," said Duckton colleague Bill Dafferty.

Others had different opinions. "I don't think it is being squelched. I just think it takes time to transmit a video from the center of the Earth to the surface," opined Tabby Lane, another newsroom professional.

Whether it is a case of squelching or primitive technology, one thing is certain. Disappointment is so thick that hangs around the globe in a way which may block off the hole in the ozone layer.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Duckton Interviewed In Center of Earth

Bluegreenplant ace reporter and Center of the Earth celebrity Bill Duckton has completed an interview in a television studio in the Center of the Earth. Said Duckton, "It went great. The hostesses, the audience, they loved me. I feel it was a great interview. I am like an ambassador with our two cultures coming together through me."

Although Duckton had previously promised to transmit a video of the historic interview to us on the surface, he did not send a copy. When asked why he did not send a copy, he stated, "Their technology is full of gaffes and errors. It is very crude when compared to our technological technology and such."

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

A Pissed-off Bill Duckton Promises Zingers

Bill Duckton has pissed-offly abandoned his efforts to rescue hopelessly lost colleague Angela Ramos and promises his admirers that he will soon tape his interview on Center of the Earth Television. "I will have a lot of zingers in that interview, let me tell you. I promise to put it on Youtube, Bluegreenplant, everything. Also, please move my car. It has been sitting in the Blue Green Power Plant parking lot for a long time. The keys are in the ignition, I think."

Bill Dafferty has volunteered to take Duckton's car for a spin and a run through the carwash. "It is the least I can do for that hero," he gushed.

Friday, October 03, 2008

Angela Ramos Punches Bill Duckton

Shouting that she was doing fine and didn't need any help, Angela Ramos, the hopelessly lost Bluegreenplant reporter, shoved a clenched fist into the muzzle of Bill Duckton when he showed up in the route to the Center of the Earth to rescue her.

"Ouch," he stammered.
"I don't need your help, Duckton!!!" she exclaimed.

After the transmission was heard at Bluegreenplant Headquarters, employees celebrated their safety by eating candy bars and taking turns telling their favorite stories of their hero, Bill Duckton.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Bill Duckton Postpones Interview In Center of Earth

The Center of Earth TV studio remains hollowly empty now

The heroic Bill Duckton has self-sacrificingly postponed his interview on Center of the Earth TV in order to search for his missing colleague, Angela Ramos, who ironically disappeared on an expedition to save him.

"First I have to find that hole I came out of. I hope it is still there. I should have left a trail of breadcrumbs or something," said Duckton in his latest transmission.

That's our hero!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

No Word From Angela Has Staff Horrificated With Fear

The worst is feared now that a large measure of time has passed without a transmission from Looney-going Bluegreenplant reporter, Angela Ramos, who got lost on her way to the center of the Earth. Ernest Dafferty, father of Angela's colleague, Bill Dafferty, proffered the following scenario as to Angela's fate: "Perhaps she just went nuts and triggered a cave in or a landslide, or an avalanche or something. All I can say is, she is no Bill Duckton!"

On the lighter side, The Blue Green Power Plant got a loud and clear transmission from Bill Duckton in the Center of the Earth. He is doing fine and claims that he has learned the language so well that he is due to be interviewed on one of their TV stations. You go Bill!!!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Dead Air Has Bluegreenplant Workers Eating Too Many Candy Bars

The long time span since a transmission from looney-going Blue Green Power Plant reporter Angela Ramos has everyone at Bluegreenplant in a tizzy. She is well-liked, and highly regarded, especially among the cleaning staff and proofreading department, and just about everyone has been hitting the candy machines as a way of dealing with the stress of waiting for a transmission to let us know that Angie is OK.

Tabby Lane reported eating twelve Snickers bars and Bill Dafferty claimed to have eaten thirteen. Manny Thompson, who claims to be Angela's "unrequited boyfriend," says he ate five Aba-zabbas.

The machines are due to be re-stocked this Thursday.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Mayor Hecot Smithly Calls Towelamp a Coward

At his mansion in Mulch Park, Nebraska, Mayor Hecot Smithly told DJ's in a phone interview that William Towelamp is a coward for not going down the hole to the center of the Earth in a rescue effort for poor Angela Ramos, who seems to be going loony and getting more and more lost.

Towelamp responded by saying, "I don't listen to that crap on the radio."

The Bluegreen Power Plant has sent a transmission to Angela, asking if she is OK.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Angela Ramos Has Her Say

Let me tell you, Bill Duckton is a phony. Doesn't anyone remember that he was collecting two paychecks a couple of years ago because he was invented by one Bill Dafferty that sonof a (explective deleted) invented Duckton and made him such a hero that he actually nominated him for and he won the Pluitzer Prize! Well now i have to admit that I was fooled just as much as everyone and I traveled into the center of the earth to save this guy when it turns out that Duckton is in (explective deleted) . He traveled through the Earth and was so stupid that he didn't even notice that he was in the center and Hecot Smithly, deserted him and crawled up a spring fed crack to Cuba and rescued that doctor who got him out of a towel and that doctor's mom. There's nothing but dirt and sand every where and what the (explective deleted) or where the(explective deleted) is the magma? Can't anyone tell, he is in (explective deleted) and I will follow him as soon as I can figure out the way he went. All I can see is(explective deleted) sand all over the place and oh(explective deleted) I broke a fingernail. That's just great. (explective deleted) (explective deleted) head duckton.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Junior Reporter Jealous of Duckton

Only dirt?

Junior Reporter Angela Ramos, who entered the hole to go to the Center of the Earth claiming to have a plan to rescue Bill Duckton, who had been bitten by an otherworldly insect that looked like an ant, seems to be showing jealousy in her transmissions about her progress. She insisted, with no proof, that Duckton was "pulling a Dafferty" and "was not in the Center of the Earth at all. " Furthermore, she stated that the Center of the Earth is "just dirt. Duckton is making the rest up in order to engender glory for himself."
We at the Blue Green Power Plant love Angela, but think that maybe she should come up for air and give Bill Duckton credit where credit is due. We also suggest that she not use the word engender any more.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Hecot Smithly Announces "Duckton Tax"

Mayor Hecot Smithly of Mulch Park, Nebraska, has announced a special tax to be levied upon anyone besides him who uses the hole to go to the Center of the Earth. His announcement was met with a mixed bag of comments:

"Tax and spend. He doesn't surprise me." Millionaire William Towelamp

"This is unfair. I didn't know about the tax when I entered this scary scene to rescue Bill Duckton, my colleague." Angela Ramos, reporter

He deserted me and now he wants to share in the riches of the Center of the Earth? He has got to be kidding." Bill Duckton, reporter

On another note, Ace reporter, Bill Duckton, has announced that he is having a great time at the sports festival in the center of the Earth. He has transmitted that Centerofearthians are great hosts and not only has he put on a few pounds due to their cuisine, but also that they are so nice that he has decided to stop referring to them as creatures.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Fireworks for Duckton at Sports Festival

A hugely wonderful choreographed welcome ceremony met Pluitzer Prize nominated Bluegreenplant reporter Bill Duckton as he arrived to cut the ribbon for the opening of the Sports Festival at the Center of the Earth. We salute Bill Duckton for rising to such a high status in the Center of the Earth. We just hope he remembers to come home. We miss him!

Bill Duckton here. You wouldn't believe all the people in this festival. They are all here to see me cut the ribbon! I guess I am a bit of an oddity here, what with my height and muscles and lighter colored hair. But they love me!

Friday, August 08, 2008

Duckton Fever In Center of Earth

Bill Duckton, in a short time, has risen to celebrity status in the Center of the Earth. "Duckton fever has reached hullabaloo level," ace reporter Bill Duckton has transmitted. "I am a humble guy, just an honest, hometown reporter following a story. I don't trumpet my horn, but I have to tell you, everyone knows who I am. I have been chosen to cut the ribbon at the sports festival. Dignitary status, that's me!"

Since Duckton recovered from a bite from an otherworldly insect, he appears stronger than ever.

The Blue Green Power Plant is proud of Bill Duckton.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Duckton Feeling Better

Bluegreenplant reporter, Angela Ramos, has gone down the hole to the center of the Earth in search of Bill Duckton, who claims to have joined a Center of the Earth Family after they nursed him back to health when he was bitten by a venomous otherworldly insect.

Ramos expressed frustration when she was detained and ordered to pay a toll by the rich skinflint, William Towelamp, but now she is optimistic about finding her colleague, Bill Duckton.

Duckton, in a recent transmission, claimed to feel "Like a million bucks" and expressed enthusiasm about his "family" taking him to an otherworldly sporting event.

Ramos has promised that if she upstages Duckton and wins the Pluitzer prize herself, she will dedicate it to Duckton.

Reginald Gamma Lets His Mom Hug Him

Dr Reginald Gamma is softening up his stance and actually showing an amiable attitude towards reporters. After a routine photo opportunity with his Mom at the Linen n Things in Mulch Park, Nebraska, reporters urged Emma Gamma to embrace her son, and he allowed her to.

Reginald Gamma's rescuer, Hecot Smithly, the mayor of Mulch Park, has promised them a tax-free apartment if the two will remain in Mulch Park.

Mayor Smithly stated, "It was the least I could do, tit for tat, I mean, he saved me from being absorbed into a towel, so I went to the center of the Earth, tunneled up through Cuba, and rescued him and his mom."

"I used to think he was a stalker, now he is a true hero," said Dr Gamma. "I am sorry I punched him that one time.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Bill Duckton Wakes up From Stupor

Bill Duckton has awakened from a stupor induced by a bite from an otherworldly insect in the center of the Earth. Duckton was obviously a little woozy when he filed this report:

Billduck Ton here, I am feeling a little woozy here, but feel like I am pulling through. The doctors here in the center of the Earth are top-notch, but the insects are sonofabitches. If I don't win that goddammit prize I am gonna jam a rock in the earth's axis to stop it from spinning. The air is so musty. Goddammit where is my juice? (The rest is censored. )

((The following is a paraphrase of the rest of Bill Duckton's report.))

The doctors at the hospital have prescribed an anti-inflammatory and recommended that Duckton go out, have fun, and get "fresh air." A local politician has given Duckton tickets to a popular sporting event and Duckton has accepted the invitation to go.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Hecot Smithly Hailed as a Hero

Mayor Hecot Smithly has managed to do the impossible. He has rescued both Emma Gamma and Doctor Reginald Gamma from the Communist Island of Cuba, where they were both stuck. Emma Gamma was held by the Gringos at Guantanamo Bay Detention Facility and Dr Reginald Gamma was held as an "employee" of the Cuban government, where he had to save Fidel Castro's life repeatedly.

Finally mother and son are together. They made their announcement at the inauguration of the new "Linen n Things" in Mulch Park, Nebraska.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Otherworldly Insect Bites Bill Duckton

Bill Duckton felt woozy after being bitten by an otherworldly insect while sitting on a benchlike sitting place with one of the creatures in the center of the Earth.

Duckton reports: "We were sitting on a bench and talking to this guy and I think he was beginning to understand me. Then all of the sudden this otherworldly insect injected me with some kind of venom that made me feel woozy. It looked like an ant, but it wasn't an ant. I will send you a picture to prove it. Oh boy, I am starting to feel woozy."

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Duckton Criticizes Products in Center of Earth

Magma Can Not Compete With Hickory Charcoal Grill

Pluitzer Prize nominated reporter Bill Duckton has an eye and a nose for detail. He reports that the products and foods in the center of the Earth are clever copies of originals on the surface of the Earth, but with something missing. Duckton's report follows:

Bill Duckton here. They have bookshelves and bicycles and cars here, but they don't seem as good as the ones we have on the surface of the Earth. And the food? Forget it. I had a T-bone steak here the other day and it tasted like a porterhouse steak. And the rice tastes like mashed potatoes. And try to get some salt and you are liable to open up a torrent of gibberish followed by something in a odd bottle that looks like Coca-Cola, but will make you gag when you chug it cause it is so salty.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

News is Overwhelming Bluegreenplant Newsroom

A committee from The Braintrust of America has nominited Bill Duckton for the Pluitzer Prize for the year 2008. This is perhaps the highest honor for a reporter and would be a slam-dunk for the Blue Green Power Plant. What pride just to be nominated.

A transmission from the center of the Earth was rather garbled, perhaps from radiation from the Earth's molten core says one expert, but it seemed to say that Ace reporter Bill Duckton has been adopted by a family in the center of the Earth and they took him shopping at an Ikea store in the center of the Earth. Bluegreenplant has requested clarification.

Mayor Hecot Smithly, Duckton's guide for travel into the center of the Earth who somehow got separated from Duckton after the two explorers fought about a jacket, has been captured by guards at Guantanamo Bay Detention Center in Cuba where he is being accused of trying to rescue Emma Gamma, the mother of Dr. Reginald Gamma. Dr. Reginald Gamma saved Hecot Smithly from being absorbed into a towel and stuck in another dimension.

In the meantime, that old skinflint, William Towelamp, refuses to abandon his stakeout at the hole that goes to the center of the Earth. He is quoted as saying, "I am making no bones about it. He has to climb out of that hole sometime and when he does I am going to serve him with a can of whoop ass." Towelamp is accompanied by a group of toughs and Scouts.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Duckton Snaps Photo of King of Center of The Earth!!!

The king of the center of the Earth

Crackerjack reporter, Bill Duckton, has transmitted a remarkably clear photo of the King of the creatures that live in the center of the Earth. What follows is Duckton's story, according to Duckton,

"He seemed to be a beloved and fair king. I asked the creatures to take me to their leader when I first met them and that is exactly what they did. I feel very important to be the first embassador from the Earth's crust to make contact with these people. I think I am on the verge of negotiating a treaty with them."

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

William Towelamp Getting Madder

William Towelamp and his hired possee, who are waiting at the opening of the hole in Nebraska that goes to the center of the Earth so they can beat up The Mayor of Mulch Park, Nebraska for destroying Towelamp's vacation home, are getting annoyed with reports that Mayor Smithly has surfaced in Cuba, the communist island.

Towelamp cursed under his breath and uttered, "It's a red herring and you idiots at the press are just encouraging his deception. I know he has to come out of this hole and I will stay waiting here until Hell freezes over."

Friday, June 13, 2008

Bill Duckton Disses Hecot Smithly

When Bluegreenplant headquarters informed Bill Duckton that his misplaced travel companion, Hecot Smithly, was safe and sound and in Cuba, Duckton had a rather selfish response: "Why don't you focus on me. I am in the center of the Earth. He is just in some commie island."

Duckton's comments were considered offensive and were censored in the Republic of Cuba.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Earth Explorer Hecot Smithly Appears on Cuban Television

Marta Piedras Del Rio

Hecot Smithly, the mayor of Mulch Park, Nebraska, the explorer who got mysteriously separated from his traveling companion, Bluegreenplant ace reporter Bill Duckton, has surfaced in Cuba.

Communist television personality Marta Piedras Del Rio interviewed Smithly in a Havana television studio after patrolling troops found him swimming in a river known to be crocodile infested and dangerous. This river, known as the Matasanas River, is fed by springs which emerge from myriad underground caverns.

Piedras Del Rio seemed very excited to have this exclusive interview. She must have felt dejected disappointment when the cheap Soviet era power plant went off line and all the electricty went off. All she was able to arrive at was one question:

"Are you the Yankee who traveled to the center of the Earth?"
Hecot Smithly shifted and replied, "There is no center of the Earth. It doesn't exist."

Just then, the lights wimpered and televisions went dead all over the island.

The Blue Green Power Plant viewed the recording courtesy of a Tivo recording provided by thee Dominican sports fisherman in the Carribbean under the condition that their names be mentioned in this report: Samuel Garcia de Lamento, Oscar Garcia de Lamento, and Paul Jacobo de los Santos Rivero.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Bill Duckton Feared Going Nuts

Billl Duckton filed the following report, which has raised some concern among his co-workers, especially the Bluegreenplant custodian, who used to be a psychiatrist in Chile. If he is not losing his mind, this is the story of the century.

Bill Cluckton, I mean Duckton, here. There is another sun in the center of the Earth. And there is a sky in the center of the Earth. Almost as big as the sky back home. And the people here are not weird creatures. They are nice and they gave me food that tasted like chicken. They are hardly creepy at all. Man that sun in the center of the Earth is bright!

No photographic evidence accompanied this report, filed by Bill Duckton sometime last night.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Duckton Fights off Weird Creature

Bill Duckton, Bluegreenplant's crackerjack reporter, sent this rather terse and laconic report earlier today:

scary and creepy. the creature is coming at me. ouch! tripped over a rock. damn i wish i had a jacket! Ahhhh! it is trying to get me. Must find a ROCk. found one easily. I scared the monster away. Tank god. sory for errors, typing fast. I think I hit the creature with that rock. It wont be back. Ahh! wHat was that???!!!

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Bill Duckton Takes Creepy Picture of Creature In Center Of Earth

The above image was just received from Bill Duckton, our Bluegreenplant reporter who is traveling in the center of the Earth. According to the Blue Green Power Plant archivist, Angela Ramos, it is, "So creepy."

Nobody can recall any image that was creepier than this one.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Duckton Reports Humanoid Creatures Living In the Center of the Earth

Bill Duckton, who has been exploring the center of the Earth all alone since being somehow separated from his guide, Mayor Hecot Smithly, has found a cure for his loneliness. He reports that he has encountered Humanoid beings in the center of the Earth. His report follows:

Bill Duckton here. Nobody will believe it, but I will send photographic proof as soon as I can figure out the camera. There are tons of people in the center of the Earth and they wear clothes. They are very shy and I think I am bigger than them. They look pretty clean, but speak gibberish when they talk. They just stare at me and back up when I move toward them. Then they move toward me when I back up. It is so creepy. I wish Hecot Smithly were with me. I never expected to encounter something like this alone.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

State Troopers Stop Towelamp in His Tracks

State troopers from Nebraska stopped William Towelamp from entering the hole that goes to the center of the Earth, but forgot to confiscate his guns or arrest him for violating his probation.

At this moment, Towelamp and his hired army are waiting at the entrance to the hole to the center of the Earth. "When he comes out, he is going to have a greeting party. And remember, it is Sir William Towelamp," stated Towelamp.

Friday, May 09, 2008

Duckton is OK!!! First Message in a Long Time

Transmission Receiver

The transmission receiver at Bluegreenplant headquarters has decoded a message from our ace reporter, Bill Duckton, who is traveling to the center of the Earth with the mayor of Mulch Park, Nebraska, Hecot Smithly. Bluegreenplant employees are overjoyed to hear that he is OK. This is the report he filed:

Bill Duckton here. We heard a sloshing sound and we looked up, which is now down, and were splattered with globules of wet cement. Smithly screamed like a girl, but I maintained my composure. Soon the onslaught of masonry material ceased and as I turned, Smithly was not there anymore. Somehow we got separated. I have no idea where he is. It is too quiet and creepy down here. Still, my GPS thing is useless. And the magma is highly overrated. Another reporter might be scared, but I am not afraid.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Bluegreenplant Reader Summons State Troopers

An avid and astute Blue Green Power Plant reader has alerted Nebraska state troopers as to the doings-on of Sir William Towelamp and the police squads are rushing to arrest him for violating his probation at this very moment.

Lassiter Vega of Umpton Park Michigan placed the call which set the operation in motion. "I didn't have a good feeling about Towelamp rescuing Smithly and Duckton. A few years ago when Smithly was trapped because he was absorbed into a towel, Towelamp was making millions of dollars by selling towels with Smithly's image on them," said Vega. "It was totally creepy. I know because I am one of the people who was tricked into buying one. And why does he need all those guns and baby oil? It doesn't make any sense."

Unfortunately, no word has been heard from our reporter Bill Duckton, who is in the center of the Earth, for over a week.


Sunday, April 27, 2008

Sir William Towelamp To The Rescue

The gallant and valiant Sir William Towelamp is mounting a rescue effort to save Bluegreenplant reporter Bill Duckton and Mayor Hecot Smithly, who are trapped in the center of the Earth. He was slathering industrial strength baby oil on his jumpsuit and puffy jacket as Towelamp told a reporter, "As soon as we gather enough guns and ammunition, we are heading down the hole. We'll take care of everything so the world will be happy again."

Truly a Knight in shining armor.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Crafty Lawyers Get William Towelamp out on Bail

William Towelamp, who was arrested last night for trespassing on land he used to own, is free on bail after serving less than eleven minutes in County Jail. He was arrested for entering the property with a cement truck and attempting to seal the hole that goes to the center of the Earth. He was caught by a security guard who finally woke up after hearing the noise of the truck. "I thought it was a monster, then I realized I was dreaming, man, and I stopped that crazy guy," said Cecil B. Toppinger of Moonstone Security Company.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Duckton Says Smithly is Too Bossy

Transmitting from the hole that goes through the Earth's mantle, to the center of the Earth, Bill Duckton, Bluegreenplant's cracker-jack reporter has filed a new report, which has set some of his co-workers at The Blue Green Power Plant on the edge of concern:

Bill Duckton here. As we get closer to the magma which surrounds the Earth's core, it is really heating up. My guide and exploring buddy, Mayor Hecot Smithly, is still sporting a puffy jacket which makes him hot and bothered. He is very bossy and obnoxious. Why are some people so talkative?! He talks so much that he doesn't hear what I am saying. The air down here miles under the Earth's crust is very earthy. It is like breathing in a deep hole way under ground. I would write more, but Smithly, the precious Renaissance Mayor, is blocking my light with his damn jacket and I am getting pissed off.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Duckton Jittery, but Insists He Needs No Rescue

Brave and valient Blue Green Power Plant reporter, Bill Duckton, has filed his latest report from over a mile under the Earth's crust. He insists that everything is fine and describes some strange things "where no man has gone before."

"Bill Duckton here. I should have brought a warmer jacket. My companion and guide, Hecot Smithly, is wearing a very puffy jacket which, although it keeps him warm, blocks my vision of what is coming up as we go down down towards the center of the earth. I brought a GPS thing and it is completely useless. I guess I will return it for a refund when I return to the surface."

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Bluegreenplant Reporter in Over His Head

The Blue Green Power Plant reporter who is traveling to the center of the Earth with the mayor of Mulch Park, Nebraska has filed a report that will knock your socks off:

What we see of our past trail is a diminishing circle of light from a sun that is farther away from us than it has ever been. In front of us, a somber flashlight limping on two double D batteries illuminates what no man has seen before.

It is cold in the inside of the earth and we can hear a grinding sound, presumably the sound of the Earth spinning on its increasingly unlubricated axis. Hecot Smithly is getting on my nerves; he talks about himself a lot. If I hear anything more about his adventure of being absorbed into a towel...I will go nuts.

I want everyone to know I love them.

-----Bill Duckton, Reporter and Journalist

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Duckton Describes Earth's Crust

Bluegreenplant Reporter Bill Duckton has filed his first report on his journey with Hecot Smithly to the center of the Earth:
"The Earth's crust is aptly named, resembling a pie crust. I wish you guys could see it.
We have observed worm-like organisms and there is quite a bit of pressure in our
ears. Have to admit, I am a little nervous, but Mayor Hecot Smithly, my partner and guide, is
an excellent conversationalists."

Bill Duckton

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Bluegreenplant Reporter Chosen From Volunteerbox

A Blue Green Power Plant reporter has been chosen from the volunteer box at Blue green Power Plant Headquarters. As you will recall, a suggestion box was placed outside the restroom (between the men's and women's restrooms) and reporters submitted their names in order to volunteer to accompany Mayor Hecot Smithly on his journey to the center of the Earth. The name was to be chosen completely at random.

This reporter will have a ground-breaking story, a lot of risk, and a lot of glory.

This just in; the reporter chosen in the volunteer box lottery is Bill Duckton.

Congratulations Bill.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Towelamp Lawsuit Falls Flat as a Pancake

No Nebraskan Lawyer for William Towelamp

William Towelamp's lawsuit to reclaim the land which was confiscated by the city of Mulch Park, Nebraska in order to drill a hole to the center of the Earth, seems to be a no-go. "There is not a lawyer in the tri-state region who will tackle that case. Nobody wants to get on the bad side of Mayor Hecot Smithly. There are rumors about the White House," stated a famous lawyer with a white beard and tortoise-shell glasses who waved his cane and with his unique Northumbrian accent requested to be anonymous.

A British child rides a Philatilus doll in a European advertisement for the doomed product

In a completely unrelated story, an investor in the US has filed for chapter 11 bankruptcy protection after blowing his huge inheritance on investments into a company selling stuffed tiger dolls, modeled after Philatilus, the British tiger who was killed by Hero-Boy, the self-defending goat. "Nobody wants to buy them. I thought they would fly off the shelves," said the poor fool investor, Raymond Plankton-James.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Announcing Another Blue Green Power Plant Exclusive

Once again--at the right place at the right time-- a Bluegreenplant reporter has gotten an exclusive which may just be the scoop of the century. The mayor of Mulch Park, Hecot Smithly, has invited a Bluegreenplant reporter to accompany him on his journey to the center of the Earth, set to take place as soon as the giant ladder is fully in place.

A volunteer box has been placed outside the lavatories at Bluegreenplant Headquarters and reporters will enter their names. After three days, the winner will be chosen raffle style.

"This will be a tremendous opportunity for some great journalism. I wouldn't be surprised if the reporter who wins this coverage wins a national news prize as well," stated Milo Ottenger, a spokesman for The Blue Green Power Plant who was standing next to the place where the volunteer box will be placed.

Mayor Smithly has rejected bids from CNN, Fox News, and the three major networks because they are, he says, Johnny come latelys.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Mayor Smithly Reaches Center of Earth

A roving poet overheard Renaissance Mayor Hecot Smithly of Mulch Park, Nebraska in a coffee shop bragging to a young waitress that he had reached the center of the Eath with his giant drill. The poet immediately wrote down the information and passed it on to a Bluegreen Plant reporter who was playing miniature golf across the street. The report went like this:

Nothing on Verne
Malakov drillbit 5-4-3-2-One,
Blasting off and almost done,
Chopping end of rainbow pots all day,
Our beloved mayor gives away,
Now Mulch Park is very rich and expansive
which is good cause the coffee is god-damned expensive!
A waitress winks, he spills the beans
Lets the cat out of the bag
Leans back in the booth predicted scenes
He's sat since birth with this tag:
To the center of the Earth!!!

Tory Brandigan

Monday, March 17, 2008

Once Majestic Tiger Taken to the Cleaners

The cadaver of Philatilis, the former majestic tiger at the Soapington Zoo in Soapington, England, has been shipped to a tiger cleaning service in Westerdfordshire. The owner of the service told a Bluegreenplant reporter, "They are going to stuff him and set him up somewhere with a plaque which tells the story of the goat who did him in just by defending himself. That's what I think."

Meanwhile, school children have submitted the name "Hero Boy" as a suggestion for the no-name goat at the zoo, who is more popular than ever.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Renaissance Mayor Hecot Smithly's Popularity Skyrockets

Renaissance Mayor Hecot Smithly has rewarded persistent reporters and onlookers at his giant drilling project by giving everyone in the city of Mulch Park a pot of gold. The gold was apparently accidently mined while drilling on the condemned Towelamp Estate.

A spokesman for Mayor Smithly put it this way: "We are not interested in gold. We plan to go much further than that! Keep it."

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Tiger Slaying Goat is Number One Attraction

The no-name goat which, in a fit of self-defense, slayed Philatilis, the most expensive tiger in the Soapington Zoo, is now a number one attraction at the Zoo. "He's our prime attraction," stated Rod Wellington, the zoo's animal-media relations expert. "That little bloke is bringing in more money than that bloody tiger ever did. Long live the goat!!!"

As the goat basks in the sun, Philatilis's cadaver is now on ice while the Soapington Zoo Board of Directors decides what to do with the defeated former attraction.

Monday, March 03, 2008

City of Mulch Park Drilling on Condemned Towelamp Estate

The city of Mulch Park, Nebraska has set up a giant drill in the spot of the lot which used to be occupied by the fancy vacation home of William Towelamp. When asked about the drill a technician looked from side to side and then whispered to a Bluegreenplant reporter, "This is a Malakov IV, a super-sized version of the Malakov III." The technician then nodded and edged away secretly.

After deep investigation into recently opened Soviet files, Bluegreenplant verified that the Malakov IV is the most powerful drill in the world. Its brochure claims that it is capable of reaching the center of the earth.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

William Towelamp Fires Dr. Gamma's Mom's Lawyer

Billionaire William Towelamp has fired the top-notch lawyer of Emma Gamma, the mother of the famous hero, Dr. Reginald Gamma. Towelamp procured legal counsel for Mrs. Gamma when she was detained in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba by US Homeland Security Officials who insisted that her behavior was odd.

When asked about his motivation for the sudden firing, Towelamp stated, "You people in the press are so stupid."

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Feeder Goat Kills Expensive Tiger

A goat which was procured by the Municipal Zoo in Soapington, England and intended to be a meal for Philatilus, the bengal tiger, now sits alone in the tiger's cage, on top of an artificial rock. The no-name goat killed Philatilus in mid-pounce with a horn to the heart. The executive governing board of the Zoological Society is in shock. The zoo paid "a record amount of money" for the striped cat in October of last year.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Readers Will Not Believe Real Name of Renaissance Man

A dumbfounded and flabbergasted Blue Green Power Plant reporter sat mutely babbling, like a wheel of fortune contestant who got the puzzle right after the buzzer rang, after just one question with the Renaissance Man, the mayor of Mulch Park.

After three cups of coffee to ward off the Nebraska cold, our reporter playfully inquired to the Renaissance Mayor the question he was previously unable to answer in court due to a jaw injury, "What is your name?"

The Renaissance Mayor took the question seriously. He hesitated and then rubbed his newly un-wired jaw, which doctors say healed nicely. Then he replied, "My name is Hecot Smithly."

A pin was heard dropping on the other side of the room. The Renaissance man is the same man who was absorbed into a towel and trapped in some kind of Nirvana/Twilight Zone until finally rescued by a heroic doctor, who is now missing.

Our Blue Green Power Plant reporter finally gathered his wits for a follow up question, but instead dumbly said, "I thought I'd seen that face before."

The exclusive interview was over.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Renaissance Man's Jaw to be Unwired

When the doctors unwire the mended jaw of the Renaissance man, The Blue Green Power Plant will be there with exclusive rights to interview him. He scrawled the promise on paper as he was supervising a crew that was building some sort of a huge platform at the site of the former vacation home of William Towelamp. That home was destructed after it was condemned by the city of Mulch Park.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Towelamp Hopping Mad

Billionaire William Towelamp is hopping mad since he found a vacant lot where his fancy vacation home once stood. A witness described him as so mad that "he looked at a bird and it burst into flame." The ex-knight of the British Empire stood for three hours as his disbelief became rage and then a semblance of acceptance.

The home had been previously condemned by the city of Mulch Park and the demolition was perfectly legal," said Benny Sunifivich, a lawyer who advises the Blue Green Power Plant on legal matters.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Renaissance Man Freed on Technicality

The Renaissance man enjoyed an ice cream cone and a shot of bourbon at the first ice cream parlor and non-sports bar he could find after being released from the slammer in Omaha. Judge Milo Ottenger was scuttled when a courtroom mopper discovered documents revealing that Ottenger was impersonating a judge. "He wasn't a judge at all," said Lenny Testigo as he sprayed cleaning fluid on an obscene graffiti.

A new judge was assigned to the case, Judge Mercedes Toalla-Linterna. She immediately declared a mistrial and released the Renaissance man on his own recognizance.

When asked for comment, the Renaissance man finger spelled, "I still don't like bourbon very much."

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Renaissance Man Accidentally Makes Obscene Gesture at Judge

Friday, in court, the Renaissance Man accidentally flipped the feathered friend at Judge Milo Ottenger, who quickly slapped him with a three-month sentence for contempt of court.

The Renaissance Man, who recently had his jaw operated on and could not speak, was trying to finger spell his name when asked, "What is your name?"

Witnesses say the judge entered the courtroom already in a bad mood because of his waking up late and his dog eating his breakfast. "The judge was madder than Hell. I knew the Renaissance man was a'goin straight into trouble," said Lenny Testigo, a floor mopper at the courthouse for over 20 years.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Towelamp Seems To Have the Upper Hand

In a space-age teleconference, Billionaire William Towelamp and Judge Milo Ottenger smoked cigars and slapped one another on the back and announced that the judge had filed the following order with the court of the state of Nebraska: If the Renaissance Man does not answer the question put to him on his previous court date, he will be held in contempt of court and relinquish his rights, ergo, he will be fired from his job as mayor of Mulch Park unless he can say his name in his upcoming court date.

His upcoming court date is one day before he is scheduled to have his jaw unwired, one day before he will be able to utter any single word.

When asked if the Renaissance man would be able to get the wiring removed early for the court date, his doctor said, "Absoultely not. I am involved in a golf tournament on that day."

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Renaissance Man's Jaw Wired Shut

A pro-Towelamp judge has slapped a hefty fine for contempt of court upon the poor Renaissance Man, who is recuperating from having a Steinway Baby Grand Acoustic Piano dropped on him from a third floor balcony as he was condemning the vacation home of T-shirt billionaire William Towelamp.

The short-tempered judge, Judge Milo Ottenger, broke his gavel after the Renaissance Man refused to answer one question: "What is your name, sir?"

Tabby Lane, counsel for the Renaissance Man, stated that her client was unable to speak on account of his jaw's being wired shut by doctors following his "blueprint for recovery."

A spokesman for Towelamp's cadre of lawyers responded by getting between Ms. Lane and the television cameras and insisting that the Renaissance Man is, "faking like a dumb schoolboy before a spelling test."

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Towelamp Sues to Impeach Renaissance Man

"It says so right in the state constitution for the state of Nebraska. You can't be mayor of a city if you don't have a name. The Renaissance Man is not a name, therefore he should be dragged through the mud and impeached, then fired!" Those were the harsh words of William Towelamp emanating from the speakers of the television at Metropolitan Hospital in Nebraska, where the Renaissance Man is recuperating from having a piano dropped on him from a third floor balcony.

When contacted for comment, a state of Nebraska constitutional expert reluctantly stated, "This Towelamp guy may have a valid case!"

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Renaissance Mayor Injured By Falling Piano

The Renaissance man was injured by a piano which fell three stories from the balcony of the Towelamp vacation home in Nebraska. Spokesman for the Omaha Metropolitan Hospital, Dr. Milo Ottenger, states that, "He is an excellent patient. Whoever did this to him was a horrible person. Surgeons had to remove 23 piano keys from his thigh. He is a very brave patient, under sedation now."

When asked for a comment, the Mayor just groaned and waved.

Towelamp was spotted eating cereal on the porch of his home. When asked for comment, he seemed in high spirits, "Since I am so rich, I push a piano off the balcony every year to celebrate New Years. I didn't know he was down there. Happy new years!"