Thursday, December 27, 2007

City of Mulch Park Condemns Towelamp Vacation Home

The mayor of Mulch Park, Nebraska has condemned the three-story vacation lodge of billionaire William Towelamp, which occupies a strip of land ceded to Mulch Park by the governor of Nebraska. "He will have to be out of there by new years day or we will drive him out by force!" stated the Renaissance Man, sporting his new mayor sash.

"Him and what army are going to drive me out? This is ridiculous. I will be waiting for him on my balcony with a bucket of boiling tar!" ranted the billionaire as his face became red, then purplish with his rage. "I am going to get my lawyers on that SOB!!!"

When told of Towelamp's threats, the Renaissance man waved them off with a shrug and wished reporters and supporters a very happy new year.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Renaissance Man Wins Pop Election!

This just in: The new mayor of Mulch Park, Nebraska was elected in a pop election.

Exit polls have been confirmed by the official count.
The winner is the Renaissance man.

Exact numbers reveal a landslide. "I feel that the public has spoken. I definitely have a mandate!" said the Renaissance man as the balloons fell.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Governor of Nebraska Accidently Signs off 67,000 Acres

The governor of Nebraska, in a rush to catch a limousine to a Christmas party with one of his assistants, signed documents giving away sixty-seven Thousand acres to the Renaissance Man for his newly incorporated city, Mulch Park.

"I could not believe it. I put it in front of his face as he was getting into a car and he signed it," said the ecstatic Renaissance Man, who is considering running for mayor of his new town.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Renaissance Man Vows to Hold Elections

The Renaissance man has declared his hotel made of dung and buried in magnetic mulch to be the city of Mulch Park, Nebraska and announced that elections for mayor will be upcoming as soon as the bugs are out of the city charter. When asked by a reporter if he would run for the office, the renaissance man was coy, "I won't commit myself to anything until my exploratory committee gives me its report." He was about to leave when he dramatically turned and added, "At least I know what country I am a citizen of. So that's no problem." Reporters snickered at this veiled jab at William Towelamp.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Towelamp Not Delighted to be De-knighted

The queen of England has rescended the knighthood of Sir William Towelamp. Apparently her royal highness recieved an anonymous letter which suggested that a fact-checker evaluate the Canadian citizenship of Towelamp.

A thorough search of public records proved that Towelamp is a citizen of the United States, and only a resident of the British commonwealth. (See Bluegreenplant article dated May 18, 2006). "Now he is only Mister William Towelamp," whispered the queen to a sound engineer in Buckingham Palace.

The only knowledge of the source of the anoymous letter is that it was sent from a post office off Interstate 80 in Nebraska.