Thursday, March 29, 2007

Towelamp Loses His Patience With Patients

William Towelamp, in an uncharacteristic display of furious emotion, fired the patients who had refused to evacuate Metropolitan Hospital, the hospital he has acquired a permit to demolish. He stated, "You are all cured; now get the Hell out of my hospital!"

When protesters outside the hospital began chanting slogans at Towelamp, he used an expletive, threw a handfull of dollars at them from the balcony on the 7th floor, and hacked at them as if he were giving a karate chop. Then he said, "This is your severance pay. You are all fired also!"

Some protesters picked up the money and left. Others stayed.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

William Towelamp Buys Hospital

Canadian Billionaire William Towelamp has purchased Metropolitan Hospital and fired all of its employees, except for the security guard. Unsubstianted rumors are that he has filed for a fast tracked demolition permit and bribed public officials to approve implosion of the "state of the art" hospital.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Dr. Phil Appears on America's Most Wanted

Dr. Phil recorded an appearance on an upcoming segment of America's Most Wanted . The program deals with the disappearance of Rolch Wood, the noted parazoologist who disappeared from Metropolitan Hospital in the middle of the night- WHEN HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN A COMA. The show will be brodcast on Fox and the Animal Planet Channel, because of the interlocking plots of Wood and the Rabbit with a human foot.

For more information, click the below link.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Rabbit Escapes Down Mysterious Hole

The rabbit caught on security video contaminating the sterile germ-free ward of the Metropolitan Hospital escaped down a mysterious hole in the hospital floor shortly before a pair of Canadian trappers arrived bragging about how they would capture the animal.

During the commotion of the rabbit's hospital visit, the hospital's most famous patient, Rolch Wood, the noted parazoologist, disappeared. A spokesman for the hospital, Milo Ottenger, put it this way, "There is no way a rabbit could get into this hospital. The security tapes are wrong. And as for Mr. Wood, he is not lost, only misplaced. Someone probably just took him out for some air or to pray in the hospital chapel."

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Spotted Rabbit Spotted!

Hospital security personnel are hopping mad because cameras have spotted a black and white rabbit hiding and frolicking in the supposedly germ-free ward of the Metropolitan Hospital. This is the same hospital where Rolch Wood is currently vegging out. The rabbit bears an uncanny resemblance to the rabbit with a human foot, the rabbit with whom Wood was communicating when he slipped into a coma.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Bill Duckton is Really Bill Dafferty!

Bluegreenplant has discovered that Bill Duckton and Bill Dafferty are the same person. Whenever Bill Dafferty was unsure of his sources, he utilized the byline Bill Duckton as a way of skirting the blame.

As many readers know, Bill Dafferty was involved in a scandal last year which resulted in his being moved to a smaller office.

We at the Blue Green Power Plant want to acknowledge the seriousness of the situation to which Bill Dafferty has already confessed. He has been scolded and transferred to an even smaller office. On top of that, he will not be receiving any more of Bill Duckton's pay checks. He will only receive one paycheck like everyone else.

"Bill Duckton was one of our most popular writers," an unnamed source for the company stated, ""but he had to go. Bill Dafferty is much better since he returned from re-hab. In time he will work his way out of that tiny office; I'm sure."