Thursday, December 27, 2007

City of Mulch Park Condemns Towelamp Vacation Home


The mayor of Mulch Park, Nebraska has condemned the three-story vacation lodge of billionaire William Towelamp, which occupies a strip of land ceded to Mulch Park by the governor of Nebraska. "He will have to be out of there by new years day or we will drive him out by force!" stated the Renaissance Man, sporting his new mayor sash.

"Him and what army are going to drive me out? This is ridiculous. I will be waiting for him on my balcony with a bucket of boiling tar!" ranted the billionaire as his face became red, then purplish with his rage. "I am going to get my lawyers on that SOB!!!"

When told of Towelamp's threats, the Renaissance man waved them off with a shrug and wished reporters and supporters a very happy new year.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Renaissance Man Wins Pop Election!


This just in: The new mayor of Mulch Park, Nebraska was elected in a pop election.

Exit polls have been confirmed by the official count.
The winner is the Renaissance man.

Exact numbers reveal a landslide. "I feel that the public has spoken. I definitely have a mandate!" said the Renaissance man as the balloons fell.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Governor of Nebraska Accidently Signs off 67,000 Acres

The governor of Nebraska, in a rush to catch a limousine to a Christmas party with one of his assistants, signed documents giving away sixty-seven Thousand acres to the Renaissance Man for his newly incorporated city, Mulch Park.

"I could not believe it. I put it in front of his face as he was getting into a car and he signed it," said the ecstatic Renaissance Man, who is considering running for mayor of his new town.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Renaissance Man Vows to Hold Elections

The Renaissance man has declared his hotel made of dung and buried in magnetic mulch to be the city of Mulch Park, Nebraska and announced that elections for mayor will be upcoming as soon as the bugs are out of the city charter. When asked by a reporter if he would run for the office, the renaissance man was coy, "I won't commit myself to anything until my exploratory committee gives me its report." He was about to leave when he dramatically turned and added, "At least I know what country I am a citizen of. So that's no problem." Reporters snickered at this veiled jab at William Towelamp.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Towelamp Not Delighted to be De-knighted

The queen of England has rescended the knighthood of Sir William Towelamp. Apparently her royal highness recieved an anonymous letter which suggested that a fact-checker evaluate the Canadian citizenship of Towelamp.

A thorough search of public records proved that Towelamp is a citizen of the United States, and only a resident of the British commonwealth. (See Bluegreenplant article dated May 18, 2006). "Now he is only Mister William Towelamp," whispered the queen to a sound engineer in Buckingham Palace.

The only knowledge of the source of the anoymous letter is that it was sent from a post office off Interstate 80 in Nebraska.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Renaissance Man Released by Judge Judy Look-alike


A Judge who resembled television judge "Judge Judy" proclaimed the Vatican Police out of juristiction in Nebraska and the Renaissance Man was released. "Get out! You're a free man,"
she said. Reporters applauded, since it seemed that the Renaissance Man had no family or friends in the courtroom.

After the proceeding, a spokesman for the Pope said, "This is not over until it reaches the highest court of Heaven. We know he will be condemned in that court."

Renaissance man plans to return to his illegally built hotel on Interstate 80 in Nebraska. "I don't care if it is burried in mulch," he said, "I like it there."

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Pope Requests That Renaissance Man Be Sent to Guantanamo


In a convoluted Latin statement amended to the conclusion of mass today in Vatican City, the Pope requested that his followers all over the world pray that U.S. President Bush follow his holy request that the Renaissance Man be sent to the US prison in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

The Pope made his supplication to the US leader by using a "American figure of speech." The official text reads as follows, "Mr. President Bush, The Renaissance man is a terrorist. We must make an end run around the US Justice system by using your handy prison camp in the only part of Cuba that is free!"

President Bush responded, "If he is a terrorist, we will lock him up and throw away a key."

U.S. Vice President, Lon Chaney, however, seemed to contradict what the president said, "We don't take orders from the Pope," he sneered today on Face the Nation.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Renaissance Man Calls Sir William Towelamp a "Chump"

It looks like the renaissance man of Interstate 80 in Nebraska will spend the Thanksgiving holiday in jail. Today during a preliminary hearing about his charges of obstructing the Vatican Police, Judge Milo Ottenger asked the Renaissance man his name and he refused to divulge it. Dozens of news cameras were rolling as he puffed up his chest and responded, "William Towelamp is a chump!"

The wrathful judge pounded his gavel and the bailif escorted the Renaissance man out of the courtroom.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Renaissance Man Arrested By Vatican Police


The Interstate 80 squatter who self-describes himself as a Renaissance man was arrested by the Vatican Police today and taken to an undisclosed location. Sources say that he is being charged with "obstructing the Pope's reporter."

When the Pope's reporter was interviewing Sir William Towelamp about his philanthropism for a Catholic News Channel, the renaissance man ran into the area where the video was being shot and threw dung, sod, or mulch at Towelamp, who appeared disgruntled. The renaissance man grabbed the microphone from the holy journalist and began ranting about magnetic mulch being dumped illegally on his hotel.

Spokesmen for Towelamp responded with a quip: "The Renaissance man didn't own this land anyway."

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Towelamp Cited for Illegally Dumping Magnetic Mulch


The Food and Drug Administration has cited Billionaire William Towelamp for illegally dumping tons of magnetic mulch on the side of a highway in Nebraska, USA.

Thomas Clonderman, assistant to the chief of the F.D.A. told a group of reporters that there will be no "coddling nor pollywoggling of polluters." He went on to say, "We are going to come down on this man with the full force of the law. We won't tolerate anyone assaulting the environment!"

Towelamp has paid his $500.00 fine and apologized for his actions. He has assured that it will not happen again. Several linear miles along Interstate 80 in Nebraska have been closed and declared a superfund cleanup site.

Several private companies are bidding on construction of the new bypass to route traffic around the site, including a company owned by Towelamp.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

William Towelamp now Sir William Towelamp


In recognition for his generosity to the people of the earth, William Towelamp has been knighted by the queen of England. Sir William Towelamp is an entrepreneur who made millions and recently bought up all the dangerous mulch and disposed of it in order to protect the public from its insidiously harmful magnetic forces.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Billionaire Buys Up Excess Mulch

A Canadian millionaire named William Towelamp has purchased all remaining stores of the mulch which was made from the magnetic tree that had a jawboneless skeleton in it. This mulch has been implicated in the disappearance of teenagers and in incidents of animals going crazy and attacking their handlers.

The mulch was previously sold on Home Shopping Network by the famous actress, Sarah Ponmingontl.

A spokesman for Mr. Towelamp states that the mulch is dangerous and will be destroyed to protect the public "from doom."

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Elephant Kills Trainer


Trixie, the elephant at the Kit Carson Wild Animal Park in Johnstown, Tennessee, went crazy when her trainer started adding new mulch to her enclosure.

"She picked up the man with her trunk and he flew over, over, over and landed in the tigers' place!" said little three-year old Timmy Tomblinson, the only witness to the horrible accident. "The whale (sic) got so mad when he dumped garbage (sic) around the cage (sic)," he wimpered traumatically.

The Blue Green Power Plant reporter tried to get more details, but the child was whisked away by his impatient parents, who looked too young to raise a three-year-old.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Scientist Postulates on Lost Teenagers

A group of teenagers got lost and were unable to find their homes even though they lived only one block from the playground where they were last seen. Timmy Clampton and Callie Tipton were picked up on the outskirts of their hometown in Borneo, Ohio, where they attend Borneo High School Adjunct.

The police officer who rescued them said, "They didn't seem to be on drugs or nothing. They were just weirdly lost, like a homing pigeon who has accidently flown smack dab into a cars windshield and survived, shaken and embarrassed."

A scientist from California offered another explanation for the odd occurrance: "The playground was just lined with mulch from that giant South Carolinian Tree. The magnetism in the mulch must have messed up those kids inner compasses. The parents shouldn't punish them for curfew violation this time."

In spite of the scientist's warnings, the playground remains open.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Ancient Tree being Sold on Home Shopping Network


The ancient tree whose branches revealed a mysterious skeleton, once believed to be that of the mythical Bill Duckton, has been ground up into mulch and is being sold in home convenience centers and on Home Shopping Network.

Sandra Ponmingontl, who played Carrie on the popular sitcom "Cheers," has been singing praises of the mulch. "It works wonders on alkaline soil," she touted, "That is why I let them put my picture on the bag."

Bags go for $10.95, plus shipping.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Public Official Doesn't Care About "Renaissance Man"

When it was reported by reporters to a public official of the state of Nebraska that a Squatter had built a hotel on a public highway with the intent of opening it for business, the official stated, "I don't care. That is all wasteland out there anyway."

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Squatter Entrepeneur Occupies Land


A hobo-type character describing himself as a "renaissance man," has built a motor hotel on Interstate 80 in Nebraska. The hotel, made of sod and animal dung with glass windows, has yet to receive any guests, but the unnamed "renaissance man" is confident that he will eventually get some business. He said, "All this land belongs to nobody. Well I hearby declare that I am nobody and this is my nobody empire. Take this voucher for a discount."

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Dafferty Receives Stern Repremand

In contrast to the effusive mood he demonstrated only one week ago, Bill Dafferty sat stoically in a euclid green faux leather chair as the members of the board of directors of The Blue Green Power Plant scolded him for inventing the personage of Bill Duckton, a reporter who never existed.

Astute reader, Julius M. Horkner, pointed out that a previous Bluegreenplant article documented the sham in detail, about Dafferty making up Duckton in order to collect more paychecks, get a corner office, and win the Pluitzer Prize.

Dafferty admitted that it was wrong to lie and said that he was sorry.

The Blue Green Power Plant salutes Bill Dafferty for his honesty and candor. It takes a true man to admit when he is wrong.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Jawbone found by Person Sitting in Garden


The possible jawbone of Bill Duckton was located accidently when a Mrs. Billy Cardamon of Sea Hills, Kentucky, sat down to do some weeding in her garden. "I sat down and wham! That thing came up and bit me! I was screaming in pain, afraid of finding the rest of the corpse, then I remembered I read about this on the innernet (sic) and called the authorities from the university."

It was a dog resembling Mrs. Cardamon's that was last seen running away with the jawbone. Researcher were very grateful for the return of the mandible and they bought an ice cream cake for Mrs. Cardamon as a token of gratitude.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

DAFFERTY WINS PLUITZER PRIZE!!!


The staff at The Blue Green Power Plant is overwhelmed with pride now that our own Bill Dafferty has won the Pluitzer Prize for Media Journalism for the year 2007. Special accolades were bestowed upon him for his written series and multimedia projects. His video: "Where is Bill Duckton?" has reached cult status with surfers of the internet. In this video, he synthesizes a huge volume of research done by other reporters for The Blue Green Power Plant.

Congratulations Bill! You really deserve it.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

CSI Gets Sloppy

"They took the jawbone! They took the jawbone!" Those were the shouts of researchers at California State University's Magno-lab and Science Structure Studies Department as a black and white canine trotted off with the mandible of a skeleton possibly belonging to missing Bluegreenplant reporter Bill Duckton. The toothy smiled character was found at the top of a tree which is slated to be removed for a development in South Carolina.

"If we don't get that jawbone, we don't have a fucking chance of finding out who is the owner of that skeleton," said Randy Oldfeld, the janitor at the University, the only employee available for comment before the deadline of this report.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Skeleton Identified, Possibly



The skeleton found at the top of the magnetic tree which is fighting its removal has been identified by California Skeletonologist, Ogeen Becker, as someone the same height and weight and dental history as missing Bluegreenplant reporter Bill Duckton!

The United States Government has promised to get into the investigation by bankrolling research and development for Halliburton Corporation to construct a truck large enough to uproot the tree.

Duckton's next of kin will be notified as soon as the skeleton's identity is verified.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Skeleton Found at Top of Tree

A human skeleton was found in a tree which was slated to be cut down for a housing development in South Carolina. Investigators called in from California discovered that the skeleton had been wearing steel handcuffs and that the tree's magnetic core trapped the poor victim as its magnetism clutched the handcuffs. "He or she had no chance of escaping. This tree is more powerful than an electromagnet at the Cal-Tech Magnetic Studies lab," said Dr. Phillip Rainswold, lead researcher on the project.

Local authorities are going through records of chain gang escapees for the past hundred years in an effort to identify the skeleton.

The skeleton had a pocket watch, which was stuck to the tree as well. Engraved on the watch were the words, "To My Love. Stay out of Trouble. Love, Millie." The watch could be another clue to his identity, I suppose," said a local.

Friday, August 31, 2007

Rival Reporter Claims Bill Duckton Never Existed!

An envious reporter for a rival website and print periodical which shall not be named has reported that Bill Dafferty, the nominee for a prestigious prize, fabricated Bill Duckton in order to gain prestige by reporting on his disappearance. Bluegreen plant is dubious about her claims.

Angela Ramos, a former Bluegreenplant reporter, jealously claimed that, "Dafferty invented Duckton in order to collect two paychecks. The award nomination was just a by-product of his scheme. The proof is in your own damn archives dated March third 2007."

The Blue Green Power Plant does not approve of her foul language. For the record, Angela Ramos resigned from the Blue Green Power Plant when she couldn't keep up with her deadlines.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Giant Magnet Found inside of Tree

Landscapers in Moss Springs, South Carolina, discovered a magnetic rod the thickness of a human arm inside of a ten thousand year old tree that they were cutting down to make room for a housing development and golf course. When scientists in South Carolina declined to investigate, other scientists from more educated states were invited to investigate the phenomena.

Bill Ridgely, a scientist from California State University, has obtained an order to cease cutting the tree until it can be examined.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Euclid Green Tops The Charts

Bluegreen Plant readers have spoken. Bill Dafferty's new corner office will be painted Euclid Green. "I am very happy with euclid green," said crackerjack reporter Bill Dafferty when asked his opinion of the color.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Corner Office Remodeling Has Begun

The public is thrilled to be able to vote on their choice of three colors to repaint the corner office for Bill Dafferty, Bluegreenplant's crackerjack and award nominated reporter. "I want nothing but the best," stated interior designer Strum Bullartson, "I am going to include a shrine to the late Bill Duckton in the corner, and therefore feel it is completely appropriate to use the funds from the Bill Ducton Memorial. It is the right thing to do."

To vote for your favorite color, just click the link below and your vote will be registered. Thank you.

I choose Ocean Mist
I choose Euclid Green

I choose Mambury Panic

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Bill Dafferty Gets Corner Office

The Old Office and the New One: Dafferty is Moving on Up!

In recognition for his crackerjack reporting and constant concern and support for his colleagues, Bill Dafferty had been promoted to a corner office which is much better then the office that he used to have, which was reported on August 11, 2006.

We congratulate Bill Dafferty on his promotion. He deserves it. In the meantime, Staff at BluegreenPlant is very excited about the upcoming announcement of who will win the Plutzer Prize for this year, 2007. Our man, BillDafferty, is highly favorited, due to his bravery in reporting the "Where is Bill Duckton" series.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Dafferty Hosts Memorial for Fallen Colleague


Bill Dafferty is hosting a memorial service for MIA Bluegreenplant reporter, Bill Duckton, who was sucked down a rabbit hole with a whoosh of debris.

People of all races and orientations are welcome.

It will be held at the Bluegreenplant Headquarters in Miami, Fl. (Formerly Burger King University).

There is a $20.00 cover charge. Those unable to attend can send their donations to Bill Duckton Memorial Fund/ Care of Bill Dafferty/ Bluegreenplant Headquarters/ Miami Florida/ 184 Old Cutler Road /33186

Friday, July 13, 2007

Dafferty Nominated for Prize

Bill Dafferty of Bluegreenplant has been nominated for the Pluitzer Prize for his reporting on the disappearance of Bill Duckton. We salute and congratulate him.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Dafferty Tops Himself!

In record time, Bill Dafferty has put together a documentary that explains and clarifies the complex timeline of News Stories Reported in The Blue Green Power Plant. We hope you enjoy it.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Concern For Bill Duckton


A stampede of bill collectors have converged on the BlueGreenPowerPlant's headquarters claiming the last paycheck of Bill Duckton. Officials at the Blue Green Power Plant have no plans to hand his check over to anyone until Mr. Duckton's death has been certified.

Reactions to Duckton's disappearance down the rabbit hole vary.

"He's dead for sure. Nothing could live in that horrible hole of death," said Oscar Derwilligar of White Plaines, NY, who was visiting the site of Metropolitan Hospital's demolition.

"I am sure that he is fine. I can feel it in my bones," said Amanda Derwilligar, no relation to Oscar Derwilligar, who was walking to a Pinto's Donut Shop across from the site of Metropolitan Hospital's demolition.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Dafferty Makes his Deadline for Timeline in Record Time!

This is my flowchart to explain the mysterious incidents of the dog cat and ferret.
Bluegreen Plant hires me (Yours truely)---->Some guy gets stuck in towel --->before that (I almost forgot) some animals are shot into space --->Dr Somebody saves the guy form the towel--->THat doctor went to Cuba for some reason (LoL)--->Some rabbit excapes from a lab somewhere --->It comes to America and digs a hole in a h0spital which they blew up__---> Then Duckton goes down the hole like a stupid asshole that he is --->A technician here at this place (who gets paid more than me!) separates the sounds of the animals who were shot into space in the 1950 or 60's-->Someone puts my name in the damn suggestion box--->you read this and say how cool I am.--->Then Hammersmith hits his thumb with his own hammer, LoL.

If you are smart enough, this explains the whole thing, so enjoy your damn flowchart.

Byline: Bill Dafferty

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Bill Dafferty Volunteers for Assignment

After an astute reader of The Blue Green Power Plant left a comment requesting a timeline or flow chart to explain the complicated mystery of the Cat, Dog, and Ferret, that keep appearing as a tenaciously unifying and ubiquitous factor in news stories which at first seem totally unrelated, cracker-jack reporter Bill Dafferty's name was found in the suggestion box and he was given the assignment.

Said Dafferty, "I suppose I will have to go into the archives to do that so I will need someone to teach me how to read the archives."

He has been given a deadline to finish the project.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Cryptic Message From Inside Rabbit Hole!

Analysis of a recording made by Bill Duckton, a Bluegreenplant reporter who fell down a bottomless rabbit hole, has been decrypted by scientists from the Maldive Islands who moved to New Zealand because of water intrusion problems in their original and favorite laboratory.

Tyler F. Ruskets has separated the distinct sounds of four animals from the humming cacophony in the background of Duckton's broadcast. The animals are: a dog, a cat, and a ferret, combined with Duckton's gibbering.

It should be noted that, on Friday, January 12, 2007, a dog a cat, and a ferret, played a puzzling role in the horrific ordeal of Hecot
Smithly, who was trapped in a towel and mentioned in this blog.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Bluegreenplant Reporter Transmits from Rabbit Hole

Bill Duckton, one of The Bluegreen Power Plant's only reporters who has never won any sort of award, and who was demoted recently, may finally win recognition for crackerjack reporting, ironically for being stupid!

Duckton foolishly walked into an area where a rabbit hole was sucking. In his last report he announced that he had been "absorbed into the hole." No picture accompanied the audio that was transmitted, in spite of the fact that a fully equipped camera crew accompanied Duckton.

One witness verified the story. "I took one swig of my juice that I got here, then I lowered the bottle and that reporter was gone!" said a homeless man who lived near the hospital ruins before they disappeared.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Hospital Debris Sucked down Rabbit Hole

All of the debris from the demolished Metropolitan Hospital has disappeared. Officials can not account for any of it. A homeless veteran, who was sleeping near the site of the demolition, told a Blue Green Power Plant news reporter that, "it all was absorbed into the earth, sucked down that rabbit hole." He sketched a crude map in the ground, showing the way for the reporter to get to the rabbit hole. "I am not going near that hole after what I seen," he said nervously.

Our Bluegreenplant reporter will file a follow-up report as soon as he returns from his investigation of the rabbit hole.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Geraldo Rivera Blows Rescue Plan

Rivera at Varadero Beach, Mapping Plan Next to one of Cuba's Vendors
An intricate rescue plan, formulated by the brilliant mind of Dr. Reginald Gamma in order to rescue his mother, has been scrapped after a reporter revealed details of the plan on his cable TV show in an effort to reverse his plummeting ratings

Geraldo Rivera actually dressed up like a doctor after drawing a diagram of the plan in the sand at Varadero Beach and before "saving" a manniquin which represented Emma Gamma, the prisoner held unjustly by US forces in Guantanamo Bay Detention Center.

"The plan was perfect," said Manny Javier Mojica, a former member of Cuba's elite Brigada Libertad (Liberty Brigade), "We were going in there with the cover of mercenaries from Blackwater. We were going to extract her and paint a few slogans and that's it."

Captain Manny Javier Mojica was interviewed on a dock in Key West, Florida, where he had been dropped of by smugglers. He wanted to get the record straight with reporters before interviewing with INS/homeland security and becomming a US citizen. "We were going to save a nice old lady and then get the hell out. But that stupid Geraldo Rivera screwed everything up to hell."

Captain Mojica also mentioned that the Cuban Military is now at Gamma's "beck and call" since Dr. Gamma saved the life of Fidel Castro, Communist Cuba's infamous leader.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Reginald Gamma Photographed Dancing with Commies

Screen shot from Cuban Government Website
Digital photographs posted on the Cuban government's official website definitely show Reginald Gamma "dancing with a worker from the Cuban Communist Party," Cuban exiles in Miami asserted. "What's more he is wearing a stethoscope and dancing a tango while all the other dancers are doing salsa moves," another exile asserted. "To go from prison to the dance floor in the government palace in a matter of months, that is incredible. Usually it is the other way around," stated an old timer whose domino game was interrupted by a reporter in Little Havana.

Reginald Gamma, the doctor who was hailed as a hero for saving Hecot Smithly from being trapped in a towel in the USA, was captured in Cuba while trying to rescue his mother who is, ironically, being held by US forces in Guantanamo Bay Detention Center in the United States Naval Base in Cuba.


Saturday, April 28, 2007

President Refers to Reginald Gamma Without Saying his Name

Miami Dade Community College
In a speech in the drizzling rain at Miami Dade Community College, with protesters drinking lattes in a distant perimeter, President Bush received applause from a contingent of Cuban exiles when he took a jab at Doctor Reginald Gamma, Fidel Castro's doctor. Said Bush, "Someone who helps a dictator and has a name like a monster from a Japanese monster movie I mean from the 1960's has got to recognize that we are recognizing that that is just not the way it is done. And it is not the way to be on the side of freedom!"

Bluegreen plant must add that Dr. Gamma was captured by Cuban forces while trying to rescue his mother from Guantanamo Bay Detention Facility and now may be working against his will.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Commuters Disappointed

The Percy and Plankton Morning Show has been cancelled by the company which owns the station because of "a listener complaint." Commuters in Tacoma and other syndication areas are said to be confused by the change.

Dr. Reginald Gamma Works Another Miracle!

Dr. Reginald Gamma has appeared on TV in Cuba, speaking flawlessly in Spanish about the constantly improving condition of his number one patient, Fidel Castro. He stated to a Cuban Government interviewer, "Fidel is so strong now that he can pick up a rock. His improvement is noteworthy. Also, I might add, that I condemn the way they are blowing up hospitals in the US in order to hide the tracks of rabbits that escaped into the floor holes. Hospitals are for curing infirmities! They are not money making sideshows!"

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Shockjockey acuses Towelamp of Murder!




A radio shockjock has accused Billionaire William Towelamp of murder for ordering the demolition of Metropolitan Hospital while some patients were still inside. Percy Temptation, the immensely syndicated disc jockey (who doesn't play records/he only talks) of the Percy and Plankton Morning Show of Tacoma Washington urged listeners to write e-mails insisting that the DA (district Attorney) press charges against Towelamp for burying sick people under "tons of rubble."


The District Attorney, when questioned about the e-mail campaign, stated that "I have not recieved a single e-mail. And Mister Towelamp seems to have procured all the required permits."


A chill wind is blowing in Toronto.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Towelamp Loses His Patience With Patients

William Towelamp, in an uncharacteristic display of furious emotion, fired the patients who had refused to evacuate Metropolitan Hospital, the hospital he has acquired a permit to demolish. He stated, "You are all cured; now get the Hell out of my hospital!"

When protesters outside the hospital began chanting slogans at Towelamp, he used an expletive, threw a handfull of dollars at them from the balcony on the 7th floor, and hacked at them as if he were giving a karate chop. Then he said, "This is your severance pay. You are all fired also!"

Some protesters picked up the money and left. Others stayed.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

William Towelamp Buys Hospital

Canadian Billionaire William Towelamp has purchased Metropolitan Hospital and fired all of its employees, except for the security guard. Unsubstianted rumors are that he has filed for a fast tracked demolition permit and bribed public officials to approve implosion of the "state of the art" hospital.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Dr. Phil Appears on America's Most Wanted



Dr. Phil recorded an appearance on an upcoming segment of America's Most Wanted . The program deals with the disappearance of Rolch Wood, the noted parazoologist who disappeared from Metropolitan Hospital in the middle of the night- WHEN HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN A COMA. The show will be brodcast on Fox and the Animal Planet Channel, because of the interlocking plots of Wood and the Rabbit with a human foot.


For more information, click the below link.



Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Rabbit Escapes Down Mysterious Hole

The rabbit caught on security video contaminating the sterile germ-free ward of the Metropolitan Hospital escaped down a mysterious hole in the hospital floor shortly before a pair of Canadian trappers arrived bragging about how they would capture the animal.

During the commotion of the rabbit's hospital visit, the hospital's most famous patient, Rolch Wood, the noted parazoologist, disappeared. A spokesman for the hospital, Milo Ottenger, put it this way, "There is no way a rabbit could get into this hospital. The security tapes are wrong. And as for Mr. Wood, he is not lost, only misplaced. Someone probably just took him out for some air or to pray in the hospital chapel."

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Spotted Rabbit Spotted!

Hospital security personnel are hopping mad because cameras have spotted a black and white rabbit hiding and frolicking in the supposedly germ-free ward of the Metropolitan Hospital. This is the same hospital where Rolch Wood is currently vegging out. The rabbit bears an uncanny resemblance to the rabbit with a human foot, the rabbit with whom Wood was communicating when he slipped into a coma.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Bill Duckton is Really Bill Dafferty!


Bluegreenplant has discovered that Bill Duckton and Bill Dafferty are the same person. Whenever Bill Dafferty was unsure of his sources, he utilized the byline Bill Duckton as a way of skirting the blame.

As many readers know, Bill Dafferty was involved in a scandal last year which resulted in his being moved to a smaller office.

We at the Blue Green Power Plant want to acknowledge the seriousness of the situation to which Bill Dafferty has already confessed. He has been scolded and transferred to an even smaller office. On top of that, he will not be receiving any more of Bill Duckton's pay checks. He will only receive one paycheck like everyone else.

"Bill Duckton was one of our most popular writers," an unnamed source for the company stated, ""but he had to go. Bill Dafferty is much better since he returned from re-hab. In time he will work his way out of that tiny office; I'm sure."

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Hecot Smithly Seen Visiting Rolch Wood in Hospital

Hecot Smithly, the man who was absorbed by a towel, was seen visiting and leaving flowers and fresh vegetables in the room of Rolch Wood, noted parazoologist. When nurses inquired as to whether or not he was a relative, he claimed he was a "brother in spirit" and that, "we must realize that Wood is not saying these things about being dead, the rabbit is making him talk."

Smithly refused to talk to reporters, but the nurses on that floor gave reporters an "earfull." They claimed that Smithly was chattering for over an hour with the patient, and that the patient was not speaking English all the time.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Rolch Wood Scribbles Cryptic Message

During his late-night romp through the hospital, security cameras caught Rolch Wood scribbling on the walls of the snack room. The message he wrote is baffling investigators. It reads as follows: "I am an abomination; let me die."

A hospital spokesman, Dr. Milo Ottenger, has stated, "I don't care if he dies. He is graffiting up the hospital. "

Wood's wife appeared in front of TV cameras on the front steps of the hospital. She insisted that the words are obviously not her husband's because he never used semi colons.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Rolch Wood Slips Out of Coma


A hospital security camera has caught Rolch Wood, the parazoologist who slipped into a coma while honing in on a fugitive cloned and human-footed rabbit which escaped from a lab in New Zealand after someone left the door ajar, roaming around the hospital at night, while the watch nurses were sleeping. A local TV station has aired the video which clearly shows wood sliding on the newly waxed floor in a pair of hospital booties and shaking a candy machine.


Doctors insist that the video is a hoax and that Wood is still in the coma.


The night nursing staff insists that they were awake through their shift and that they are insulted by the insinuations of the TV news reporter.


Wood has been in the hospital since a campaign by readers of this blog pressured his insurance company to "do the right thing" and cover his claim.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Teacher Suspended For Killing Turkey in front Of Children

Turkey in Schoolyard
A third grade teacher in Astoria, Oregon was put on paid leave for killing a turkey in front of a group of students, who were very upset. Said the teacher's lawyer, Upton Duncan, "It was a very aggressive turkey, so Ms. Aldonis defended her students, who were being pecked and were screaming."
Ms. Aldonis, it is alleged, killed the turkey with a 44mm handgun which she kept in her purse.
Little Jimmy Soapington commented on the Oprah show in an interview earlier today, "She blow the sh** out of that damn turkey. She says I'll turn ya into soup an' she did."
According to Jimmy Soapington, the turkey was pecking his friend, Rey Tut, who was too traumatized to go on the Oprah Show.
Investigators say the turkey escaped from a poultry plane which had been flying over the city moments before.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Rolch Wood Speaking in Tongues

Still stuck in a coma, brought on by brain wave activity from a rabbit he had been tracking mentally, Rolch Wood has been recorded speaking in tongues. Although the Canadian Parazoologist is bilingual in English and French, he is recorded as saying utterances in Latin, Aerolian, and Spanish. The Blue Green Power Plant hired a professional linguist to analyze the recordings and these are the utterances and English translations below:

"Tempesta fugit"--time flies
"Mustela putorius fugit"--The ferret flies
"Lhkpntupan ocuebth bvito"--Don't talk, I'm thinking my way out of this
"Estoy en el centro de la tierra con unos bestias--I am in the dirty shopping center with teenagers

Friday, January 26, 2007

Reginald Gamma Mentioned in State of the Union Address

Last week in the State of the Union address, President Bush disparaged Dr. Gamma as: "The son of a terrorist and a regular Dr. Frankenstein, resurrecting a monster like in the movie."

It has been reported in the Cuban press that since Dr. Reginald Gamma has begun practicing as Fidel Castro's doctor, the disliked dictator has gone from death's door to a dashing picture of health. Hugo Chavez, Castro's only buddy and the president of Venezuela, has stated that Fidel is now "jogging around the hospital."

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Fidel Castro Gets Sniffles


Word from operatives in Havana, Cuba, is that there is nothing wrong with Fidel Castro other than a case of the sniffles. The Communist Party of Cuba has hired Dr. Reginald Gamma simply as a precaution to cure the sniffles that the President on hiatus has at the present time.


The Sniffles

Monday, January 15, 2007

Reginald Gamma Pardoned by Raul Castro

Fidel and Raul Castro during healthier times

Good news and bad news. First the good news. Dr. Reginald Gamma is no longer in the bowels of a Cuban prison. Because of the pressure of a letter writing and email mailing campaign from the readers of The Blue Green Power Plant, acting president Raul Castro has decided to grant a full pardon to Dr. Reginald Gamma for illegally entering territorial waters of the sovereign nation of Cuba.

The bad news is that Gamma has been contracted as the new personal physician of Fidel Castro, the ailing ex-leader of Cuba. Word around the coffee houses on Guanabacoa Avenue in Havana are ones of pity and dread. Said one Cuban national who requested anonymity, "He would be better off in the prison. Now, if Fidel dies, he dies. And Fidel doesn't look so good."

Dr. Gamma is desperately needed in the USA, as it is common knowledge in the medical community that he is the only doctor who can pull Rolch Wood, noted parazoologist, out of his coma, a coma which was induced by brain waves from a malicious rabbit with a human foot he had been "honing in on."

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Horrible News: Reginald Gamma is a Prisoner in Cuba

Dr Reginald Gamma, the doctor who is being sought to extricate Rolch Wood from his coma, is reported to be in the bowels of one of the Castro regime prisons. Several ex-political prisoners, who are now working at a Little Havana K-Mart in Miami, Florida, claim to have learned their first English utterances from their cellmate, Dr. Gamma. "We also learned a few Maldivian curse words," one of them added.

Apparently Dr. Gamma was detained while entering Cuban waters in a "fast boat." Gamma told Cuban government officials that he was on a fishing trip and got lost.

The Blue Green Power Plant believes that Dr. Gamma was detained in an attempt to rescue his mother, who is being held prisoner in Cuba, but by U.S. forces in Guantanamo Bay.

This situation was predicted by a bluegreenplant reporter who spotted Gamma at a boat show
http://thebluegreenpowerplant.blogspot.com/2006/10/dr-reginald-gamma-spotted-shopping-for.html

Dr Gamma is needed here. A grassroots letter writing campaign has sprung up to pressure the Cuban "Commies" for his release. Those who wish to participate can write:

Raul Castro
Guanabacoa Mansion
Havana, Cuba

or email in care of this station: http://www.radiorebelde.com.cu/

Friday, January 12, 2007

Dr. Reginald Gamma Sought to Save Rolch Wood

Two dogs, two cats and a ferret were launched into space over 40 years ago. Could there be a connection between them and the rabbit with a human foot?
Dr Reginald Gamma, the Maldivian-American institution, the hero who recovered from Amnesia only to find out that his mother was imprisoned in Guantanamo bay, Cuba, is being sought as the only feasible candidate to pull Rolch Wood out of his coma.

Hospital spokesman, Milo Ottenger has stated that analyses of the utterances made by Rolch Wood while in the coma seem to mirror those reported by a previous patient of Gamma who was in a similar situation. "When Hecot Smithly was absorbed into a towel, he mentioned ferrets, dogs and cats. Rolch Wood seems to be mentioning the same animals. It could be a coincidence, but we have a responsibility to our patient to investigate and therefore find a loophole which will commit the insurance company to helping him."


There was not comment from the insurance company spokesman, who appeared uninformed when quizzed by Bluegreenplant.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Rolch Wood's Insurance Company Sends Him Home

The health insurance company of Rolch Wood, the parazoologist who had been communicating with the rabbit with a human foot, has released Wood from the hospital even though he is still in a coma.

An executive from a national leading HMO said, "If he were a parabiologist, we could get him treatment, but but he is a parazoologist and therefore is not covered. His policy clearly states that if he is talking, he is not in what we define as a coma. He needs to be at home.

Rolch wood has periodically began jibbering about animals, as if talking in his sleep. He is quoted as saying, "Two dogs, two cats and a ferret. They are menacing me."

Woods former employer, Dr. Phil has stated that he would like to help Wood, "But I don't have any idea where to begin."