Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Rolch Wood Gets Woozy and Slips into a Coma!

Famed parazoologist Rolch Wood was warming up an audience at the Dr. Phil Show in Los Angeles California, when, in response to a question about the whereabouts of the human-footed rabbit, he suddenly grabbed his head, said "Gee, I am feeling feedback from that darn rabbit, and I don't like it." He has been in a coma ever since.

For the past two days Wood has been working as a warm up act for Dr. Phil, telling audience members what their animals are doing by tracking their psychic energy.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Parazoologist Fired By Rich Billionaire

Blue Green Power Plant has information from reliable sources that Rolch Wood, the noted parazoologist, was fired on Christmas day as he was opening his presents. The man who hired him, Canadian Billionaire William Towelamp, dismissed Wood over the phone as he was opening a "stretchy character." Wood said that he does not care about the money, he will zero in on the fugitive rabbit. "I don't care about the money. I will zero in on that fugitive rabbit," he said.

The laconic Towelamp had only 4 words when asked why he fired the red-hot parazoologist: "Loose lips sink ships."

A reporter from Jamaica who had spoken with Rolch Wood at a holiday party reported in the Priestmans River Times

that Rolchman had confided in him his concerns that Towelamp was planning to give the rabbit to his 3-year-old granddaughter and she might mistreat the animal, as if it were a toy.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Parazoologist Now Zeroing in on Fugitive Rabbit

A Canadian billionaire has revealed that a parazoologist is working in conjunction with trackers to find the escaped rabbit with a human foot. "I have guaranteed the resources to finance them in whatever way they need. If they need a blank check, hell, I will give them one Goddammit! I want that rabbit!"

The parazoologist, a Mr. Rolch Wood, has been making progress in tracking down the rabbit. "Miami is a red herring. Everyone can stop looking in Miami," he stated before being dressed down by his billionaire boss for giving too much information to the press. "I am sorry, but my boss says I can't reveal anything more except that I am honing in on the animal's signals at an exponential level."

We should add the disclaimer that the Canadian billionaire, William Towelamp, has donated money and commented on this blog previously since its inception.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Parazoologist Picks up Signals from Rabbit

Rolch Wood, the noted parazoologist, has published a memo stating that the rabbit with a human foot is not in Tacoma, Washington. "That rabbit can not hide from me. It is sending out signals, which I can hone in on and it is definitely not in Tacoma. Don't waste your time nosing around Washington."

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Elusive Rabbit Reported in Five Cities

Since over a month ago when it was videotaped in Chicago, the elusive rabbit with a human foot has been reported in Five different cities: Detroit, Michigan; Eureka, California; Miami, Florida; Tacoma, Washington; and Michoacan, Mexico. Rolch Wood, parazoologist, commented on the situation when he was sought out by Bluegreenplant: "The public is in a frenzy about this rabbit. It is unlike anything I have ever seen before. It is like when we got the koalas at our zoo, people kept seeing them move, while really they were just sleeping all the time. It is impossible for that rabbit to be in all of those cities at the same time. Everyone wants to spot that rabbit, so they see a slipper and their brain makes them think it is the rabbit."

The Blue Green Power Plant is investigating the most promising leads.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

English Professor Snubs the White House

Washington D.C.

An English Professor who was to be showcased at the White House with the president waxed poetic as he announced that his conscience would not let him accept the Medal of Freedom. Dr. Willard Alacran Johnson PHD stated to the press: "I refuse my medal as long as Emma Gamma is being held prisoner without charges-- like Hotspur's brother-in-law Mortimer in Henry IV." The crowd at Harvard College erupted into applause.

It was an awkward moment for the president when a reporter from The Blue Green Power Plant asked him about Dr. Alacran Johnson. As he attempted to respond to the question, handlers rushed him out of the White House press room before he could complete his assertion of the guilt of Mrs. Gamma, the mother of the heroic doctor, Reginald Gamma. The president jabbed his finger into the air above the podium and stated, "both Emma Gamma and Mortimer are a terrorist and there's a secret file to prove it."

Friday, December 08, 2006

Trackers Stymied by Fast Footwork of Human Rabbit

A pair of enthusiastic Canadian trackers were deflated to find after a 22 hour flight from Toronto to Aukland, New Zealand, that the animal they were supposed to track had been spotted in Chicago, the toddling town. Two of the best trackers in the world and a bloodhound named Hermes were forced to catch a plane back to the Americas as the trail got colder and colder. No sign of the escaped lab rabbit with a human foot has been noted since the past month when a Cubs fan with a cell phone filmed the fuzzy little guy in a box of dalmations in front of a market in Chicago.

(See the preceding article for a link to amazing footage of the rabbit with a human foot).