Friday, February 17, 2006

Government Worker Sues Cereal Company

The Indiana Government worker who tried to put out the fire with the towel that absorbed a man refused to take the blame for the tragedy. He stated, through his lawyer spokesman, that the cereal company is responsible for the "mishap."

"The cereal I was eating spontaneously combusted when I poured on the milk," he stated. When the reporter from The Blue Green Power Plant noticed the worker's brightly colored twill shirt, he inquired as to whether any milk had spilled on the shirt. The Government worker stated that. "Yes," and also that he got the shirt from a kiosk in an airport in the Maldive Islands. The shirt was made from orlon and a drugless native hemp.

Scientists seem to back the potential veracity of his claim.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Towel That Absorbed Man Compromised

The towel that absorbed a man was used to put out a kitchen fire in a law enforcement laboratory in a federal office in Indiana, USA. The towel was in a humidity chamber next to the kitchen when an officer, who was described by a cleaning woman as "panicked," grabbed the towel and used it to extinguish a fire. The cleaning woman, Maggie Price, was very eager to tell a reporter from The Blue Green Power Plant her story. She said, "I told him to get the extinguisher and he run (sic) over to the other room where he had no business and grabbed the towel Officer Martin was always telling us not to touch! Everybody know (sic) the damn extinguisher is over there." She pointed to an extinguisher in the wall of the kitchen. "So then I get (sic) the extinguisher and I put out all the fire, single handed."

When asked the condition of the towel, Ms. Price said, "The way he was slapping it all over the place, I wouldn't be at all surprised if it was (sic) damaged all to Hell.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Towel Absorbs Man

A man in Indiana, USA was absorbed into a towel as he dried himself off after a swim in a lake near his new home. The home, which was constructed on a landfill, is purported to be haunted by the souls of 5 pets who were sent into space by an amature astronomer in 1963 and 1964. Although all of these animals survived the launch and were reunited with their owner, two of them seemed to drastically change in personality after the experience and the owner/scientist was found dead and mauled in the same bathroom where Hecot Smithly was absorbed into the towel. Authorities are maintaining the moisture level of the towel to a constant, in order to preserve the man's life, should he still be alive.