Saturday, December 31, 2005

Scout for Football Team Injured

A doberman named Skippy is now in quarantine after biting a scout for one of the professional football teams of the United States. The scout, Roger Romel, who claims to have been trying to sign the famous Morris Bigby of Turnberry University and Queensland United Soccer Clubs, was shot by a security guard and then bitten in the leg when he tried to force his way into the observatory of Turnberry University.

In an unusual twist, prosecutors say that Romel is not being allowed to speak to the press or his family because he is to be investigated as an international terrorist. "The prisoner is to be held indefinitely, I believe," said the veterinarian for Skippy, the only authority who The Blue Green Plant could find to comment on the case.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Press Mistakes Homeless Man for Public Official

Mainstream press widely reported stories which were concocted by a homeless man who had entered the Ministry of Intelligence building in Ottawa, Canada. Several major newspapers and Internet news agencies published stories on flying objects and time fissures. This man, William Towelamp, is now in custody and this article is to set the record straight; it is not part of a cover-up. Said the homeless man, "I just wanted to enter the building long enough to warm up and write a haiku, then all of you press people started bothering me, so I had to say something."

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Changes in Climate attributed to Time Traveling Shenanigans

Investigators for the Canadian Secret Intelligence Service have leaked a memo which offers an alternative view of the climate changes which have put the earth through so much meteorological turmoil. It seems that pollution may indeed be the culprit. Not the pollution from contemporary humankind, but rather pollution from a not so welcome visitor from the future. The text of the memo follows:

Officer Straduck of the Ojibwa Tribal Police reported to this officer, Robert Cranberry of the Canadian Secret Intelligence Service, that he witnessed bright lights in the southern sky over the Postummuth Resevoir. He investigated the lights with a small motor boat and found himself under a "fissure in the sky." He claimed that the fissure rapidly closed as he dropped anchor below it and left an eeerie silence. After all seemed still and Officer Straduck was pulling up anchor and he noticed something in the water. When he pulled it up to his boat he noticed that it was a newspaper dated "January 5th, 2040."

Professor Troy Clannahan of the Canadian Secret Intelligence Service has the newspaper in his possession in a vaccuum sealed room. Preliminary tests indicate it authentic. Further tests pending. Clannahan states that if the evidence holds up, "It is obvious that someone from the future is dumping garbage in our ecosystems, which undeniably would have a noquious effect upon our weather."

This memo is not to be released to the public. It is to be marked top secret.

The Blue Green Power Plant feels that this memo speaks for itself. Our sources promise more to come.