Saturday, December 31, 2005

Scout for Football Team Injured

A doberman named Skippy is now in quarantine after biting a scout for one of the professional football teams of the United States. The scout, Roger Romel, who claims to have been trying to sign the famous Morris Bigby of Turnberry University and Queensland United Soccer Clubs, was shot by a security guard and then bitten in the leg when he tried to force his way into the observatory of Turnberry University.

In an unusual twist, prosecutors say that Romel is not being allowed to speak to the press or his family because he is to be investigated as an international terrorist. "The prisoner is to be held indefinitely, I believe," said the veterinarian for Skippy, the only authority who The Blue Green Plant could find to comment on the case.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Press Mistakes Homeless Man for Public Official

Mainstream press widely reported stories which were concocted by a homeless man who had entered the Ministry of Intelligence building in Ottawa, Canada. Several major newspapers and Internet news agencies published stories on flying objects and time fissures. This man, William Towelamp, is now in custody and this article is to set the record straight; it is not part of a cover-up. Said the homeless man, "I just wanted to enter the building long enough to warm up and write a haiku, then all of you press people started bothering me, so I had to say something."

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Changes in Climate attributed to Time Traveling Shenanigans

Investigators for the Canadian Secret Intelligence Service have leaked a memo which offers an alternative view of the climate changes which have put the earth through so much meteorological turmoil. It seems that pollution may indeed be the culprit. Not the pollution from contemporary humankind, but rather pollution from a not so welcome visitor from the future. The text of the memo follows:

Officer Straduck of the Ojibwa Tribal Police reported to this officer, Robert Cranberry of the Canadian Secret Intelligence Service, that he witnessed bright lights in the southern sky over the Postummuth Resevoir. He investigated the lights with a small motor boat and found himself under a "fissure in the sky." He claimed that the fissure rapidly closed as he dropped anchor below it and left an eeerie silence. After all seemed still and Officer Straduck was pulling up anchor and he noticed something in the water. When he pulled it up to his boat he noticed that it was a newspaper dated "January 5th, 2040."

Professor Troy Clannahan of the Canadian Secret Intelligence Service has the newspaper in his possession in a vaccuum sealed room. Preliminary tests indicate it authentic. Further tests pending. Clannahan states that if the evidence holds up, "It is obvious that someone from the future is dumping garbage in our ecosystems, which undeniably would have a noquious effect upon our weather."

This memo is not to be released to the public. It is to be marked top secret.

The Blue Green Power Plant feels that this memo speaks for itself. Our sources promise more to come.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Cereal Combination Causes Brushfire

A woman in a bikini in the Maldive Islands was detained on suspicion of arson last Tuesday, a sunny day. She was released when a chemist who was among a group of "gawkers" stepped forward and informed the police that the cereal she had been eating, when combined with the native flora, created a spontaneous combustion situation. The chemist, Alvaro McMontey, stated, "I am happy to help and I hold no resentment that she didn't say thank you to me. She just left."

Tourism and other government officials are said to be planning to act quickly to curtail the imports of the cereal, which we can not name in this blog for fear of legal action, which spontaneously combusted.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Ancient Money found inside of Turtle

A Judge recently declared the legal propriatory rights of Milton Nelson, a fisherman, to the ancient bag of gold and bronze coins which he found while slaughtering an endangered sea turtle in the United States. A small fraction of the coins was sufficient to pay for the fine against the fisherman as punishment for breaking the endangered species act. Said Nelson, "That turtle swam right up to me, so I thank him or her since I didn't check the sex when I was cutting up the meat. But I especially want to thank the judge because now I can get a new outboard motor and a new look." Nelson elaborated that since all of the exposure the case has given him, he is not discarding the idea of cosmetic surgery to alter his appearance so that, "so many tree-huggers" will not stalk him anymore.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Community College project taken over by Turnberry University

Turnberry University in Queensland, Austalia has purchased a controlling majority of seats in the board of directors of Queensland Community College. Read the previous posts and you do the math. This is not good.

Paranoid schizophrenics may be the "Normal" ones!

Researchers in Queensland Community College in Queensland, Australia have been following undiagnosed paranoid schizophrenics around without their permission. (As if they didn't have enough to worry about). For the past four years these researchers, hired as adjuncts to the college, have been charting the behavior of these people, who have been selected in various English speaking countries, including the United States. When not following their subjects, they observe their behavior with a "micro-lensing" technique, a ultra modern, out of the box, spyware which can follow anyone to any place--just as long as there is humidity in the atmosphere. "Micro-lensing" uses tiny droplets of water vapor as lenses for a camera based in a mainframe computer in the college's observatory.

Right to privacy advocates are especially being followed because their opinions have been seen as a threat to the research project.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Warning: Moisture in atmosphere may be used as lenses!

It has come to our attention that the feeling of someone watching us is more than just imagination. The breathing down our necks, the hand on our shoulders, the clearing of a throat in the background when we have just sat down in the lavatory--Are those sentiments pure imagination, mentally preying on us, or is someone actually watching us? Yes, someone is really there.

As it turns out, scientists at Turnberry University in Queensland have discovered that some of the micro-particles of moisture in the air are actually tiny lenses which, although they are lighter than air, flood the atmosphere every place that we go. Our feelings that we are being watched are true feelings.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Some People need to be taught a lesson

Sometimes important things go by and we don't register their weight on history. Their impression doesn't mark our collective memory.

The staff at The Blue Green Power Plant has news for you.
Perhaps we all need to be taught a lesson.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Off and running towards a future tomorrow

We suspect that you believe in fate and that is why you are here. God brought you here. And we will try our gosh-honest damndest to keep you tuning in.