Core Sampler Arrives From Paraguay

Paraguayan scientists expressed jubilation upon the arrival of the asteroid coring machine. "This is like an early Christmas present," they said. "We didn't think it would arrive so fast. You see our country has the most efficient package transport in the world!"

They plan to take a core sample of the asteroid that crashed through the ceiling of the Blue Green Power Plant Headquarters in Miami, Florida right after attending a combination party in their honor/Christmas party.

The festivities begin tomorrow evening. When asked when they would end, Scientist Chen stated, "Who knows?"

Experts Baffled

The team of Paraguayan astronomers summoned to investigate the mysterious asteroid seem baffled by the celestial rock. "It's so heavy, I don't think God could pick it up." said Hector Chen, the leader of the team. We are going to have to take a core sample, which entails sending for a coring device. It could take weeks for the equipment to arrive."

When asked what kind of tests he and his team would be running on the object, he just said, "We are going to Disney World."

Word from DHL, the worldwide distributor of stuff, is that the core sampler machine will arrive from Paraguay in two weeks to a year.

Ice Cream Truck Driver Checks out Asteroid

"Actually it isn't an asteroid at all," proclaimed Manuel Maximo Gomez, an ice cream truck driver who works in the neighborhood where a huge, hot rock from space smashed through the ceiling of the popular headquarters of the publisher of unusual, but true, news stories, The Blue Green Power Plant. Manuel Maximo Gomez was famous in his home country for having published seven pamphlets about astronomy and physics. "It is a meteorite," he concluded.

With great enthusiasm and bluster, he vowed to call in experts who could pick up where he left off on the investigation. An appreciative crowd applauded simultaneously after his announcement that a top Paraguayan astronomer has already been sent for. "I have made so much money selling ice cream to gawkers, that I swear to take this project on as my own personal obsession--to find out what is inside this asteroid, um, meteorite."

A Very Generous Dafferty Indeed

Upon his return from the Thanksgiving Soup Kitchen, where he was serving soup to the impoverished, poor, and homeless, Bill Dafferty announced with much humility and charm that he would bankroll the repair of the roof of the Blue Green Power Plant Headquarters at the site of the old Burger King University in Miami, Florida, USA. The roof and ceiling were shattered when an asteroid plummeted from outer space and hit the building. Dafferty's Thanksgiving cheer really helped the building's occupants to get over their fright from the initial space-time occurrence.

"It was as scary as shit; it's still scary as shit," said a man who identified himself only as Bollenger, who was escorted out of the building--where he didn't belong. "That thing is still hot. Unlike that soup he served us." He pointed at Bill Dafferty, who was covered with confetti and smiles and adulation.

Asteroid Damages BluegreenPlant Building

A rock from space has hurtled into the roof of the Blue Green Power Plant building, shattering a water cooler and melting a candy machine.

"I saw it flying through space and then it sploded!" Said a witness, Barbell Breen, who was working in the area. "I am a roofer, you see, " he added. "I see all kinds of stuff up in the sky with my job."

"It was horrible inside," reported Bill Dafferty, who was in the building at the time. "There were Almond Joys all over the place."

Scientists have cordoned off the area for an analysis of the small boulder.

Government Questions Cash Transfer

Torry English, US representive from a district in Nebraska, has raised questions on the propriety of a cash transfer from the Cayman Islands account of the Blue Green Power Plant and into the personal account of Bill Dafferty.

"What's going on? I thought they were on the brink of bankruptcy and now I see an infusion of capital which is unprecedented in this sector of the economy?" questioned Rep. English on the Cat and Dave Morning Show. "I mean, they cut payroll, terminated more than two employees, and news has leaked out that it is all part of some scheme to make more money to rehire the old employees? Excuse me, but: What in the dickins is going on?"

The Blue Green Power Plant was mum when contacted by one of its few remaining reporters, but the amount of money is considered to be substantial. One of the remaining janitors has cited a crunched up piece of paper from the waste basket of Dafferty with the sum of two-million-seventy-seven dollars scrawled on it in blue ink.

Dafferty is a Hero This Time

Bill Dafferty has discovered an investment opportunity of a life time which will save the Blue Green Power Plant from its budget problems.

"I can't tell you what it is just yet, but it will knock your socks off," said Dafferty, who has agreed to let money managers at the Blue Green Power Plant in on the first floor. If they invest in my product, then they will recoup all the money they lost through mismanagement and we will be able to hire Angela and Tabby and the proofreadres ass well.

So it seems as if the economy is about to take an upturn!