Saturday, November 25, 2017

Confusion at White House

The floodgates of chaos burst open as two supposedly pardoned turkeys were released from a closet where they had been hatched-up since a pre-Thanksgiving ceremony. When the head of security recognized a certain secret service agent in the upstairs bedroom as someone he could not recognize, he hit the panic button.

"Literally," said the head of security. "I have a panel of video feed monitors and I watch them all for suspicious activity. Underneath the little TV's is a button that says panic on it. I pushed it because there was an impostor in the president's bedroom."

The reporter from Blue Green Plant was about to ask another question, but the security head answered it before it could be asked. "Then what..."

"This guy opened the walk-in closet, but he didn't walk in. Instead, two huge white turkeys came barreling out, as if they had to go to the bathroom."

"How do you know they had to..."

"Because after they knocked the guy down, they ran down the hall to the first lady's bedroom and straight into her bathroom, but it was too late. I think the panic siren scared them."

The Bluegreenplant reporter made a joke which the security head obviously did not understand because he did not laugh. "It should be called a walk-out closet, not a walk-in closet!"

"Don't worry. We have a no-bid contract with Halliburton, one of the top companies, to clean the urine smell out of the president's carpet.

"Instead of a walk-in closet it should be called a walk-out closet because turkeys walked out."

"Oh, and don't worry about the impostor." He has been neutralized. He is no longer a threat," he added as an epilogue. The interview was over.

 A presidential spokesman later pointed out that the trespasser probably entered during the previous administration.

The president was not in the White House at the time. He was playing a very short game of golf and then he was off to a full schedule of meetings at the golf resort.

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Golden Domerz Spotted on Plane to Northwest

"We are going out to hunt Bigfoot," exclaimed Billy Plimberton with swagger. The de-facto leader of the Golden Domerz gang, also known as Naptimez Ova, flashed a boarding pass which he printed at the Mulch Park Municipal Library for seventy-five cents.

The reporter for Bluegreenplant was not tricked by the dodgery. "Why really are you going to Washington?" asked the professional reporter, who is more professional than Tabby Lane, because Ms. Lane has been known to interject herself into a story in a vain attempt to shift the focus to herself.

"Just keep your eye on the obituaries!" nodded Plimberton as two of his fellow thugs laughed. "We've tracked him down!"

Apparently Plimberton was referring to his projected victim, actor Clift Barwell, whom he has sworn revenge upon for bad reality-show parenting. When a news outlet interviewing Barwell recently let it slip that the Washington Monument was visible from its secret interview location, Plimberton googled his travel agent for tickets to Seattle. Plimberton apparently is functioning under the false belief that the Washington Monument is in the Pacific Northwest.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Barwell Successfully Escapes Mulch Park

After assurances that his location would remain the utmost secret, actor Clift Barwell agreed to an interview with Bluegreenplant reporter Tabby Lane at the ********* coffee shop in *********. Perhaps he trusted her because of her refined, British accent.

"I escaped with this secret service uniform I got in a halloween store in Mulch Park. They don't have a very good selection there. That's why I had to come here, to (this undisclosed location). It is the only place where I would not look out of place.

"Do you finally feel safe?" asked Lane as she sipped her coffee, the sun appeared eclipsed by the Washington Monument.

"Yes. I finally feel like my living hell is over. It's definitely no fun being in constant danger from a gang of disgusting cowardly thugs who still think they are cute," he replied as he waved an envelope in the air with triumph.

"What is that you are waving around?" asked Lane.
"It's a residual. I am still getting paychecks because that stupid reality show with those kids went into syndication! Ka-ching!" He made a gesture like he was pulling an old-fashioned cash register.

At this point, Tabby Lane, award nominated reporter, had to forgo her legal pad of questions in order to beat the heavy rush-hour beltway traffic.

Monday, October 09, 2017

Clift Barwell Injures Hand While Buying Seven Halloween Costumes

Security video from a costume store shows actor Clift Barwell accidently stapling his hand to a piece of paper while buying seven disguises from a Halloween store in the downtown area of Mulch Park.

"I thought it was a gag. I just feel terrible for laughing," said Mimi Schrader with a light southern drawl and a shrug. "He seemed so nervous. I just thought he was, you know, flirting..."

According to the video, Barwell bought a tiger costume, a Secret Squirrel costume, a secret service agent costume, a turnip costume and two more which were blurry. Experts, after observing the video, assert that he bought the disguises in order to better hide from the Golden Domerz, AKA Naptimez Ova, the scary street gang led by a re-energized Billy Plimberton, who has sworn revenge on Barwell for leaving his reality show when ratings dipped.

When asked where he went, Ms.Schrader pointed to the door. "Just look for the guy with the bunch of coupons in his hand." Video testifies to the veracity of her response to Bluegreenplant reporters.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Judge Cludderman Lets Plimberton off With a Hand Slap

Unemployed actor Clift Barwell has cried foul at the recent judgment which concluded the case of sunglasses thief, Billy Plimberton. "The hunt goes on. The hunt goes on!" spattered Barwell into the previously clean microphone of a Bluegreenplant reporter. "That's what he said as he walked free!" Barwell was referring to the comments of Little Billy Plimberton, the leader of the Golden Domerz street gang who has sworn to travel to the ends of the Earth to get revenge on Barwell, his deadbeat father from a defunct reality show. "I'm in danger! They want to hunt me!"

It seems that Judge Cludderman decided to go easy on Plimberton after he heard testimony about what a rough childhood Plimberton and others had in their orphanage. The judge recounted a story about a fishing hole and Plimberton politely listened. When Plimberton offered to wash the Judge's Cadillac Escalade, the kind country judge's heart melted. "You are hereby absolved of the charges. And you can keep the glasses you allegedly stole," he said with a wink and a blow from the gavel.

Outside the courthouse, in spite of the crowds of reporters, Clift Barwell feared for his life. "Owww!" he shouted in pain.

A newly free Billy Plimberton had just walked past him on the sidewalk and "accidentally" stepped on his foot.

Friday, November 04, 2016

Country Judge to Decide Plimberton Sunglasses Caper

Rumor has it that the first episode of Country Judge, starring formerly disgraced Judge Cludderman, will spotlight Billy Plimberton's case for stealing sunglasses from a rest area. Plimberton was charged recently when he came to Mulch Park to possibly pursue his deadbeat TV dad who had been running from Plimberton's gang, the Golden Domerz.

"I think the best way is to get folksy with the boy, " said Cludderman.  He's gone on the wrong path and I aim to set him streight!"

When Plimberton was asked for comment, he just ignored the reporter and shouted at a nearby guard, "Where's my burger!?"

The new show, Country Judge, is set to air in December. The scuttle in the industry is that it is a sure hit.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Cludderman Signs Contract For Country Judge

Blackballed by the justice system for corruption, Judge Marcus Cludderman has suddenly emerged phoenix-like from the ashes of his disgrace. He is set to begin filming Country Judge for a major media outlet and has described himself as "more content than a pig in a mud waller."

Country Judge is reportedly completely different than anything else on TV. Cludderman describes it to a Bluegreenplant reporter. "There are a lot of judge shows on TV, but ours is completely different. Ours is so different that it will make all the others look the same." Cludderman grinned. "The public is tired of old ladies, Latins, and your run of the mill street-wise African Americans. Our new show will be revolutionary. In it I will decide cases based on testimony of plaintiffs and defendants, but I will incorporate folksy banter which will brighten that courtroom with the light of a spring day. I won't be afraid to mention Jesus, either."

It is not known which case will be first on the show, but America and the world, through syndication, is eager to find out!

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Billy Plimberton Gets into Scuffle While Posing for Mugshot

When Patrolman Danny Perkins politely asked Billy Plimberton, the too-big-for-his-britches leader of the Golden Domerz street gang, to remove his sunglasses for his mug shots at headquarters of Mulch Park Police Department, Plimberton refused and had to be tazed.

"Suspects used to cooperate, now they don't. They just want to make every decision and they expect everyone to bow down to them," said officer Perkins. "I blame it on faulty parenting. Kids are spoiled and they grow up into  adults with a sense of entitlement."

The reporter was about to ask a question, but a piece of gum lodged for a moment in his throat.

Officer Patrolman Danny Perkins. continued, "Really, I think this young man's parents should be prosecuted as well."

Plimberton jittered on the floor and tried unsuccessfully to pick up the loose change which had scattered out of his pockets when he was electrically writhing on the clean floor.

The sunglasses were confiscated as evidence.

Friday, September 02, 2016

Warrant Issued for Plimberton's Arrest

Judge Mark Trounce has issued an arrest warrant for Billy Plimberton, the leader of the street gang, Golden Domerz, for stealing a pair of sunglasses at a rest area on the outskirts of Mulch Park.

"We got an APB and a BOLO and a salad during our lunch break," laughed a Mulch Park Police officer who held his hand over his name tag during an interview with Bluegreenplant. "What? Are you kidding me?! A warrant over a pair of glasses? The judge who issued that is stupider than Judge Cludderman."

The Bluegreenplant reporter then pointed out that The Golden Domerz may very well be in town to hunt down and murder a beloved Emmy winner. The reporter bent down and squinted, "What is your badge number?"

The officer quickly covered his badge, too. "No further comment," he suddenly sat stone-faced.

But it was too late. The Bluegreenplant reporter had seen the badge. Number 073, Patrolman Danny Perkins.

Thursday, September 01, 2016

Golden Domerz Reported on Outskirts of Mulch Park

The thuggish youth gang known as the "Golden Domerz" aka "Naptimez ova!" has been spotted in a highway rest area on the outskirts of Mulch Park. The leader of the gang, Billy Plimberton, posted selfies with other gang members on Twitter under the hashtag: "#IT'S FATHERS' DAY!"

This has led more than one weary traveler to mumble into his doughnuts and fried chicken that something bad is going to happen. Marcus Cludderman, former judge observed, "I just know that those young men are here for revenge. I used to watch that TV show, where Barwell made so many promises to those kids. Then he just up and abandoned them when he got a better offer. Those kids are young and nobody can hold a grudge like a youngster wronged. They'll just use the excuse that they are traumatized."

"What do you exactly mean?" asked the Bluegreenplant reporter.

"I mean, after they kill him, they'll bribe some sorry-ass-judge and get off scott free!" It's worth noting that Marcus Cludderman was recently unbenched when he lost his bid for re-election after a scandal involving bribery. He has procured an agent and is peddling a reality show called Country Judge starring himself.

"I bow to your knowledge and experience," said the Bluegreenplant reporter.

Just then, a ruckus was heard on the far side of the rest area. A shopkeeper rushed into the breezeway. "Hey, that guy stole a pair of sunglasses!"

"Who me?" asked a man whose dog had just finished deficating.

"No, not you," shouted the shopkeeper. "That guy." He pointed.

It was unmistakable. Billy Plimberton  looked back at the merchant, adjusted his glasses, then got in a black Kia and burned rubber.

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Duckton Kicks Barwell out of Center of Earth

Runaway actor Clift Barwell has appeared in a cafe in Mulch Park where he claims to have been bullied out of his safe-haven in the Center of the Earth. 

The Plankton and More natural foods cafe is situated right next to a cave, which Barwell claims leads to a hole which leads to the Center of the Earth. "That's one hell of a hike," Barwell was quoted as saying. "The escalator was out," he chortled, confusing onlookers as to whether he was joking or not.

As he munched on an oozing burrito, Barwell became animated. "I directly charge Bill Duckton with my death if I die in the future!"

A female busboy poured him some iced green tea. He took a sip and continued. "I was safe in the Center of the Earth! Duckton accused me of ridiculous charges and turned my hosts in the Center of the Earth against me. Then he pulled out a giant eraser and tried to erase my entry visa. A cop escorted me to the nearest border exit on a scooter."

The female busboy whispered something in his ear and he paused to pick at a leaf which was jammed in his front tooth. "Now I am here and I got nothing! I don't even have my wallet."

"Interview's over," announced the owner of the cafe, Suzi Pershanse. "Meal's over, too!" Pershanse gave a nod and slid the plate away from the deadbeat customer as the female busboy pried the burrito from Barwell's grip.

Before Duckton came out of semi-retirement to pursue the story, he revealed a certain animosity towards Barwell and accused him of mistreating and abandoning his reality-show family during the third season of his reality show.

Saturday, August 06, 2016

Barwell Possibly Brainwashing Duckton To Stay in Center of Earth

It seems that Bill Duckton has done a complete 180 and now claims that he wants to stay in the center of the Earth. He has often been refered to as the second best reporter at The Blue Green Power Plant, after Bill Dafferty. "He definitelly would be missed," said Dafferty as he walked out of the bathroom drying his hands with a handkerchief. "Duckton is like a brother to me. I think that Barwell is brainwashing him. What's more, I bet the Odd Prowler is in on this as well." As the conspiracy theory elapsed in this reporter's and another observer's minds, Dafferty rolled the damp handkerchief into a ball and tucked it into his breast pocket, next to his heart.

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Duckton Finds Clift Barwell in Center of Earth--ALIVE!!!

Crackerjack reporter Bill Duckton has located absconded actor Clift Barwell in the Center of the Earth where he fled in order to escape the wrath of thugs who used to be his family on a reality show.

Duckton used an old-fashioned strategy known as journalism to find Barwell. "I just kept asking questions. As I dug deeper, I eventually found myself in the Center of the Earth and bingo!" said Duckton.

Duckton says he will triumphantly return Barwell to the surface as soon as he can prove to him it is safe.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Blue Green Power Plant Raking in the Dough

The Blue Green Power Plant (disclaimer, this article is about this website) is raking in record profits since publishing its Clickstarter campaign's Declaration of Independence. "It is a hit so big that it serves as a true tribute to America and our news service. We haven't had so many hits since we were the only major news outlet to cover the reverse-meteorite phenomenon," said Bill Dafferty, who answered the phone when we called for a statement.

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Monday, February 15, 2016

Blue Green Plant Finds New Financing Paradigm!

The Blue Green Power Plant has decided to solicit funding from The People's Republic of China to fund it's Clickstarter campaign, since funds from the USA have fallen short.

"We received a couple of bad checks, probably from people who just wanted free t-shirts," said a Bluegreenplant representative, who shrugged and chortled nostrilly.  "The joke was on them," he continued. "Our policy is not to send any t-shirts until checks clear."

The Bluegreenplant reporter thought the Bluegreenplant representative was finished and began to pack up the microphone. 

The representative continued talking, "So the joke was on them!"

The reporter laughed and the representative stopped him from unplugging the mic. "Since there are billions of people in China, it was determined to be an excellent source of revenue for Bluegreenplant's salute to the Declaration of Independence and the USA."

The reporter mentioned that it was a good idea, then an electronic pop was heard as the microphone was disconnected.

Monday, September 07, 2015

Blue Green Power Plant Employee Leaks Embarassing Information

Blue Green Power Plant investigators have turned the tables and are now investigating themselves in order to find out who leaked information which could be embarrassing to a billionaire who is currently running for president of the USA.

It seems that a check to BGPP's popular and patriotic Clickstarter account bounced and a big mouthed reporter spilled the beans to an an employee at a frozen yoghurt place on the way home from the bank. She, in turn, put it out on Twitter, where all the traditional media outlets picked it up.

"It had to have been Bill Dafferty," stated Bill Duckton. "He kept talking about it to everyone and even misused the word ironic."

When internal investigators sought out Bill Dafferty, he was no where to be found. When the candidate's Campaign office was contacted, the employee who answered the phone promised to send another check, however no check has yet been received at the time this story went to publication.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Bluegreenplant's Clickstarter Campaign Raking in the Dough

Apparently, there are still many who love the USA. Checks and cash from all four corners of the globe have poured into the Clickstarter account started by Jerry, the Bluegreenplant spokesman.

"There's no limit on how much I will collect," stated Jerry. "The more money I get, the more of a shebang the celebration will be! Ha ha ha!"

Jerry made his case for a salute to the USA in verse and poetry less than a month ago at:

Hershel Terseman, the statistician for the internet has stated that he never knew of such a quick and successful beginning for a Clickstarter Campaign.

Sgt. Craus "Muscles" Rochmun Breaks into Police Headquarters to Prove a Point

Sgt. Craus "Muscles" Rochmun's image has been caught on surveillance video at the evidence room of the Paraguyan National Police Headquarters where he was apparently snooping around after squeezing in through a bathroom window at the top of a ladder-like drainpipe on the second floor.

Authorities have been unable to locate Rochmun, but on his Twitter Blog he admits that his investigations led him on a wild goose chase with a dead end. "I zeroed in on the signal of what I thought was Jerik the Dolphin Trainer. It turned out to be nothing but a dried up hot dog in an evidence locker."

Rochman has expressed to friends and neighbors a desire to immigrate to the United States, and some of the scatter around Asunción is that he has left Paraguay with his head drooping in shame. 

Monday, June 22, 2015

Award Winning Actor Located by Rogue Cop!

A Paraguayan police sergeant--who was  placed on unpaid leave for making an off-color jokes and punching the jaw of a young upstart druggie who turned out to be the mayor's nephew--has dropped a bombshell in Asuncion. He refused to let his investigation take a day off and continued examining clues from his makeshift lab in his garage. Sgt. Craus "Muscles" Rochmun has pinpointed the location of Actor Clift Barwell, who disappeared recently.

"He is in the evidence room of the National Police Headquarters," he said. "If my co-workers would just let me in the building, I would lead you right to him." He waved a pair of pliers and an antenna made of wire coat hangers. "They've got to let me return to work at headquarters! I have solved this case and ..."

Just then, the power went off and the mayor, with his contingent of bodyguards, appeared. One of the guards was holding an unplugged power cord. The mayor straightened his tie and announced, "That crooked cop is not getting his job back." He looked at the sergeant, pointed at his feet, and laughed derisively, "Ha-ha; nice bedroom slippers!"

The bodyguards laughed as well.

Monday, May 25, 2015

Horrific Object found in Hotdog

A vendor in Asuncion Paraguay has been slapped with a fine after one of his line of products failed inspection epically.

A microchip almost chipped the tooth of Oscar Gonzalez-Gonzalez when he bit into the steaming snack from a street food vendor. After removing the unknown electronic object from his mouth, he wiped it off, examined it, and decided to bring it into the national police crime lab where he works as a security guard.

One of the lab techincians agreed to inspect the chip and discovered that it was a homing chip which had been implanted into actor Clift Barwell's left shoulder just days before he fled the USA amidst death threats.

When confronted with the evidence by The Blue Green Power Plant, the hot dog vendor stated, "I don't make the hot dogs, I just sell them." When pressed for further information, he deadpanned, "It looks like that Bartwell has gone to the dogs."

Monday, January 19, 2015

Semi-Retired Bluegreenplant Reporter to Come Out of Semi-Retirement

Bill Duckton is back. When reporters all over the world failed miserably to recognize the importance of the news story about actor Clift Barwell's GPS signaling from the Center of the Earth, Duckton got out of his plush recliner and declared an investigation was in action. "I don't appreciate how news agencies the world over just glazed over this story.  It is of intense importance that we maintain connection with the people in the Center of the Earth, and Clift Barwell is not dead--he is in the Center of the Earth!

As everyone knows, it is crackerjack reporter, Bill Duckton, who penned an exclusive report from the Center of the Earth in 2008, and even snapped a photo of its king. Before returning to his corner office, Duckton couldn't resist a little editorializing: "This Barwell is bad news; we all saw how he treated those kids! We don't want his kind in the Center of the Earth!"

You heard it right here on Bluegreenplant.  Bill Duckton is back!

Sunday, December 07, 2014

Mars Rover spotted stalking Mars rover!

"I'm giving this to you for free because I love your website and I know that you have too much integrity to pay for news articles," said our unnamed anonymous source, who may or may not work at NASA in the Control Center for the Mars Rover Project, Classified Section. "Plus," he slapped his knee and hooted a laugh, "nobody will ever believe you."

The contact from The Blue Green Power Plant accepted the manila envelope with the enclosed photo of some kind of a creature following behind the Mars rover. "Thanks. What the heck do you think it is?"

Our unnamed source responded with a sudden nervousness which came over him like a paranoid itch, "All I know is that the State Department wants to quell the project now. They are afraid it will spread panic." He began to edge out of the room.

"What about the President? What does he think?" added the BGP reporter.

"The president?" He looked from side to side. "The president doesn't know about this. I told you it's top secret!"

The Following picture was taken by the Mars Rover Project and transmitted to Earth in November of 2014.  It was copied by our source before all the files were ordered destroyed.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Actual Video Footage of UFO

Some working class fellows won the lottery in the state of Florida. The first time they went out on their 50 foot yacht was the last. "It scared the Hell out of me," stated Nathan Hodge, of Sarasota and Long Island. "First we don't have any idea how we wantered (sic) into the Atlantic. Then we see this freaking thing up in the sky! Forget it! I staying on land from now on!"

Monday, September 01, 2014

Is Clift Barwell Still Alive?

A GPS device used by a private detective literally exploded as he attempted to locate some of the remains of Actor Clift Barwell, whose vacation bungalow was exploded by the Golden Domerz street gang and then thrown over the waterfalls between Paraguay and Brazil.

The detective had just about pinpointed traces of the Emmy winning actor, famous for his role as Jerik the Dolphin Trainer and as the loving dad in the reality show Children Who Need Help Golden Dome Orphanage.

The street gang, who hired the detective to verify the certainty of Barwell's death, formed as the kids from Barwell's TV family were abandoned by Barwell as ratings plummeted. As they aged-out of the orphanage, they formed the Golden Domerz, also known as Naptimez Ova.

Private Dick Richard Clofterman burned his hand when the GPS device exploded into a thousand bits. "The thing must have mal-functioned," he cursed. "Before it blew up, I could almost swear that it said Barwell was in the Center of the Earth!"

Sears has offered to replace the defective GPS device. "Nobody could be in the center of the earth," stated a Sears spokeswoman.