An ominous note and a burning bag of horse excrement that were left on the doorstep of famed director Steven Speigleman have been confiscated as evidence by LAPD cops.
"Unfortunately for him, but lucky for us, Mr. Speigleman extinguished the fire, so it was not a problem to collect the evidence," said Officer Lieutenant Belinda Caraballo of the logistics squad last Sunday evening. "My colleagues back at the station might not like it, but this is going to go into an evidence locker so it can be inspected for clues."
"What did the note say?" asked a Bluegreenplant reporter.
Officer Caraballo became tightlipped. "I am unable to comment about an ongoing investigation."
"Ah, c'mon! Was the note signed?"
Officer Caraballo took on an annoyed expression and began to walk away.
The Bluegreenplant reporter then reached into his journalist's bag of tricks and used psychology to get some information. "I bet you didn't even read the note, did you?"
Officer Caraballo stopped in her tracks.
"Who signed the note?"
She turned, narrowed her eyes, glowered at the reporter, and pointed at the reporter's face with her index finger. "I'll tell you who signed the note. It was signed by Naptimez Ova! OK!?"
With a pivot, and ignoring Bluegreenplant's follow-up question, her high heels clicked off into the distance.
Bystanders on the street outside of the California police facility pointed out that all clues seem to indicate that Naptimez Ova! is in South Florida and it would be impossible for them to commit this crime since they are on the opposite side of the country.