Monday, June 11, 2018

Change of Venue Awarded to Estelita Case

The total disappearance of Judge Plankton G. Smith after his house, with him inside, was unceremoniously consumed by a sinkhole has resulted in authorities getting creative to maintain the case's momentum.

At a church service to pray for the soul of Judge Smith, court officials took advantage of the gaggles of news cameras to announce that the case of Estelita would go on. "It has already been handed off to Country Judge," said bailiff, Ronald Hines, after his boss, the county clerk, took ill from some bad croquettes in the hot Miami sun. "We are sure that Judge Cludderman will provide the justice we need." He was referring to the star of the hit reality show Country Judge.

Hours later, a mysterious posting appeared on Estelita's social media. It read: All the planets are aligned.

People are hoping that this change of venue will lead to progress in the search for Billy Plimberton and his terrorist gang. Estelita has admitted that she knows of their whereabouts, but she refused to speak to Judge Smith, the jurist who was sucked in to the ground, God rest his soul.

Friday, June 08, 2018

New Fad Complicates Search for Terrorist Fugitives

A group of middle schoolers is sitting in a park relaxing with their cell phones. A reporter approaches them and asks, "Which one of you is Billy Plimberton?" Sure enough, all of them raise their hands.

A new fad is sweeping youth culture lately. It is called The Naptimez Ova! Challenge and it involves impersonating the Naptimez Ova! youth gang and strutting around in public.

Videos posted on YouTube have shown teenagers impersonating the youth gang known as Naptimez Ova!, and taunting police officers. One particularly grisly video of police body-cam footage shows a youth in Texas with an especially realistic Billy Plimberton costume being pulverized by five cops.

School district and government officials around the US are spreading the word, telling young people not to participate in this dangerous fad.

Wednesday, June 06, 2018

Judge in Charge of Estelita Case Disappears

Last night, a bull-headed jurist, exhausted from a full docket of court cases, Judge Plankton G. Smith, told his wife he wanted nothing more than to brush his teeth and curl up in bed with a good John Decure Novel.

It was the end of a stress-filled day, peppered with questions from the press-- questions about the case of Estelita, a psychic accused of helping Naptimez Ova!, a street gang which has been declared a terrorist organization.

His wife described his sleep as restless. She reported, "He kept shouting in his sleep, You're out of order! You're out of order! --He kept flailing his arms and when he woke me up for the third time, I couldn't fall asleep again. I was having horrible thoughts. I was so mad at him, but now I am grateful because he saved my life. I feel bad for nursing that fantasy about killing him for jerking around so much."

"You must really miss him now," consoled the Bluegreenplant reporter. "Please, recount, how did he save your life?"

She composed herself, took some kind of tranquilizer pill and continued. "I got up for some hot milk. Next thing I know, the microwave is crawling away. I thought it was the neighbor's cat! And I hear this creaking sound; or maybe it was like a bear growling?"

"Did the microwave go into the sinkhole?" asked the Bluegreenplant reporter, trying to keep her on track.

"Oh yeah, with my mug of milk inside. I followed it a while, but then it disappeared. And then I heard an enormous crash; I said oh my stars! And can you believe it? I looked up and I saw stars. The gosh-darn roof was gone! Five minutes before, I felt safe in that bed! Now it's gone! The whole half of the house wasn't there! I had told him before to look at that sinkhole. We should stay in a hotel! But he didn't want to spend the money. And he didn't want that psychic woman to think he was intimidated by her."

At this point, the pill took effect and the interview was over. At sunrise, rescue crews found no sign of Judge Plankton G. Smith. The only thing that rescuers managed to salvage was Smith's copy of He Said She Said, by John Decure. A carefully positioned bookmark stated wordlessly that he had not reached the book's surprise ending.

Monday, June 04, 2018

Rescue Searchers Searched for and Rescued

Members of the Mulch Park, Nebraska delegation of volunteer searchers, also known as the Mulch Park Posse, panicked as they accidentally dropped their cell phones into Everglades muck one by one while trying to call 911.

"We took a wrong turn at Buffalo Tiger's Air-boat Rides and got stuck in quicksand," stated a shirtless man whose torso was a grid of red scratch marks punctuated by pink mosquito bites. "We almost died. I used all my ammo when I saw a anaconda and a gator coming towards my wife. Scary shit! But I keep my cool always." He flashed a Luger handgun with the words Stand Your Ground  engraved on the side.

The vigilante's wife, unimpressed with the heroic tale, gave off a vibe that she and her partner were in the middle of a domestic quarrel. She had a mild sunburn, but did not sport the cross-hatching nor the itchy bug bites that her partner did. "Well, it really wasn't quicksand. It's just that my genius husband, Brad, here is so out of shape--" She rolled her eyes. "He doesn't have the strength to pull himself out of that mud." She surreptitiously sprayed herself with insect repellent and added, "And the gator and snake turned out to just be a stick and a log."

When the Blue Green Power Plant reporter left them, they were being hosed off by their rescuer, a swamp buggy operator named Clint. He announced that he would take them to the Miccosukee Indian Cafe for soft drinks and fried dough balls.

Sunday, June 03, 2018

With Still No Sign of Barwell or Plimberton, Estelita Decides to Talk

Exactly one hour after a sinkhole opened up under the property of Miami-Dade County Judge Plankton G. Smith, famed psychic, Estelita, who has been in custody under contempt of court charges and charges of helping a terrorist organization, has agreed to testify in court, but only under certain conditions.

Estelita, without access to a computer or cell phone, once again posted on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. She posted the following cryptic comment: I told you!. Then she added that she was ready to cooperate. She specifically requested a change of venue--"I will never answer a question from Plankton G. Smith." She announced that she would only speak in the court of Judge Cludderman, the star of the highly rated reality show, Country Judge.

When contacted for comment, Judge Cludderman announced that he would be happy to help and he had not been so pleased since earlier that week when he had bacon fried to perfection in a skillet of possum fat.

Investigative geologists from a private company contracted by the state of Florida described the sinkhole as a golf divot and nothing to worry about. It was easily repaired with a state-of-the-art stucco/epoxy compound.

Friday, June 01, 2018

Estelita Says She Knows Where Naptimez Ova! is

Famed psychic, Estelita, stated in court that she knew exactly where the Naptimez Ova! street gang was hiding out, but when Judge Plankton G. Smith ordered her to reveal the location, she refused to tell. "I know exactly where they are, Judge. I see them in my mind's eye. But I will not tell you."

Then the judge brought out the big guns. "You will tell the court their location or you will be held on charges of contempt." He pointed at her with the handle of his gavel.

"I contempt you, Judge." With that she stood up and instructed bailiff Ronny Hines to escort her back to the jail.

In the meantime, police forces on both the local and federal levels are using sensing equipment to locate the street gang known as Naptimez Ova! The city of Mulch Park, Nebraska has also sent a group of men and women wearing black  t-shirts with the words search party on them.