Tuesday, May 22, 2018
Fisticuffs at Magic City Casino
"It seems that Naptimez Ova! found out about Clift Barwell's location by hiring Estelita and having their tarot cards read," said officer Honrado Gomez, as he put a cotton swab with DNA into a Ziploc bag. The Naptimez Ova! youth gang has been tracking Barwell in order to exact revenge for his being a deadbeat father on their defunct reality show, The Children Who Need Help Orphanage. Officer Gomez continued, "You see, they got lost and only stopped because they ran out of highway in Key West. As a result, they came back here and decided to pool their funds and hire a psychic for twenty dollars. She told them Barwell's exact location and they ambushed him. That psychic's better than a GPS. And it looks like somebody gave someone a bloody nose." He raised the bag with the blood- stained swab in the air with officiality. "We'll get to the bottom of this. No more fights on my watch!"
Although Naptimez Ova! and Barwell scattered from the scene of the rumble, Miami Police are pleased to have Estelita in custody. "She's guilty as sin," stated Gomez as he jingled his extra pair of handcuffs. "How else could they have found him? And you know what? If we get her to talk we will know everything." He clapped his hands. "Everything!"