Sunday, December 07, 2008

Towelamp Abandons Vigil

William Towelamp, the millionaire who used to be a billionaire before the financial crisis, has abandoned his vigil at the hole that leads to the Center of the Earth in Mulch Park, Nebraska. He can't be seen hanging around there and eating from the lunch wagon, as has been the case for many months now, since he got up and left in a huff after a reporter's suggestion that the scary gorilla that accosted Towelamp wasn't a real gorilla, but was Mayor Hecot Smithly, the guy whose ass Towelamp was waiting to kick because the ex-billionaire insisted that Smithly was still down the hole.

Bluegreenplant reported some time ago that Smithly had surfaced through a cave in the bottom of a spring in Cuba, but Towelamp called it a "ruse."

Towelamp was last reported to be at the Mulch Park Airport, boarding his private Learjet with the destination of Ronald Reagan Airport in Washington D.C.


Anonymous said...

Well, it's about time he left that god-forsaken hole!
He is going to DC? Does he think he is going to stake a place for the inauguration?
What a loser.

-Pamela Fishburne

Anonymous said...

Towelamp is not a loser, as evidenced by this anecdote:

When Towelamp got hungry waiting at the mouth of the hole to the center the Earth, he said, "Oh Hell I will just buy a lunchtruck." And that is exactly what he did!!!

What a great guy.

Dan Hinny
Fort Collins,
(Someday I will be righ like Bill Towelamp)

Sirwilliamtowelamp said...


Sir William Towelamp

poetlaureate4me said...

Sir William Towelamp, is no longer a billionaire.

or my verse rival Robert Bly

However my pants are still on fire

Typography gets me down, but lets me fly

Sir William Towelamp left the hole and has flown to DC

So wind some tape around your hand,

Reality is a staircase leading nowhere.

Spam, Spam you don't taste that bland

-Steve, the Poet