Saturday, January 12, 2008

Renaissance Man's Jaw Wired Shut

A pro-Towelamp judge has slapped a hefty fine for contempt of court upon the poor Renaissance Man, who is recuperating from having a Steinway Baby Grand Acoustic Piano dropped on him from a third floor balcony as he was condemning the vacation home of T-shirt billionaire William Towelamp.

The short-tempered judge, Judge Milo Ottenger, broke his gavel after the Renaissance Man refused to answer one question: "What is your name, sir?"

Tabby Lane, counsel for the Renaissance Man, stated that her client was unable to speak on account of his jaw's being wired shut by doctors following his "blueprint for recovery."

A spokesman for Towelamp's cadre of lawyers responded by getting between Ms. Lane and the television cameras and insisting that the Renaissance Man is, "faking like a dumb schoolboy before a spelling test."


poetlaureate4me said...

What a crock of s**t! Total conspiracy against the Renaissance Man, who is innocent. My faith in humanity has been destroyed.

Who can I complain to?

-Steve, the Poet

We respect your opinion said...

Click the following link to register complaints.

Anonymous said...

A Jew wired shut? Why in the name of God would someone wire a Jew shut?

I am appalled and more than offended.

-Xavier Goldstein

Anonymous said...

Someone is very confused.

-E. Grunion

Jawwiredshut said...

It is a surgical technique which can save the Renaissance Man's smile and speechmaking abilities for the future.