Thursday, November 08, 2007

Towelamp Cited for Illegally Dumping Magnetic Mulch

The Food and Drug Administration has cited Billionaire William Towelamp for illegally dumping tons of magnetic mulch on the side of a highway in Nebraska, USA.

Thomas Clonderman, assistant to the chief of the F.D.A. told a group of reporters that there will be no "coddling nor pollywoggling of polluters." He went on to say, "We are going to come down on this man with the full force of the law. We won't tolerate anyone assaulting the environment!"

Towelamp has paid his $500.00 fine and apologized for his actions. He has assured that it will not happen again. Several linear miles along Interstate 80 in Nebraska have been closed and declared a superfund cleanup site.

Several private companies are bidding on construction of the new bypass to route traffic around the site, including a company owned by Towelamp.


Anonymous said...

That's more like it!

-Steve, the poet

Average Joe said...

I knew Towelamp was a dirty dog! Too bad he is so rich...


Anonymous said...

What is this world coming to?

-Dr. Margaret Atkins

Anonymous said...

Please refer to me as Sir William Towelamp.

Sir William Towelamp

Anonymous said...

I think your knighted status will be revoked soon. Don't get too used to the title.

-Chandra Latinsky