Saturday, November 03, 2007

Billionaire Buys Up Excess Mulch

A Canadian millionaire named William Towelamp has purchased all remaining stores of the mulch which was made from the magnetic tree that had a jawboneless skeleton in it. This mulch has been implicated in the disappearance of teenagers and in incidents of animals going crazy and attacking their handlers.

The mulch was previously sold on Home Shopping Network by the famous actress, Sarah Ponmingontl.

A spokesman for Mr. Towelamp states that the mulch is dangerous and will be destroyed to protect the public "from doom."


Anonymous said...

I think that Mr. Towelamp is going to use this mulch for his pot plants. I think that is where Mr. Towelamp has made his wealth, and now he has found an incredibly potent mulch for his shit.
That is what I think.

-Amanda, Steve's girlfriend

Anonymous said...

I am sorry little fellow. (Yes, I know it is you, Steve, because a low life whippersnapper pothead like you is probably a complete dullard and loser and could never get a girlfriend.) I made my money honestly on the open market. You need to go on the Maury Povich show. Maybe they will streighten you out.

Then you will be able to get a real girlfriend!

William Towelamp

bluegreenplant said...

William Towelamp made his money selling articles with the visage of Hecot Smithly, the man who was absorbed into a towel and in real estate investments:

Please don't be offended by his rant. This is a free forum and we have known Mr. Towelamp since he was a homeless bum. It seems that being a billionaire has gone to his head. We know that if you read this column, you are not the total loser he accuses you of being.

Anonymous said...

William Towelamp, the former useless bum

stones tapping underfoot like rice crispies going pop

I longed to vox the voder. Hear the silent rushing hum.

Great lumps of green stuff in my barley pop

-Steve, the poet (as edited and approved by the beautiful and intelligent Amanda)