The Blue Green Power Plant

Hecot Smithly Comes out of Woodwork

2011-12-29T22:42:00.003-05:00

As a Bluegreenplant reporter wandered from shop to shop on Frontage Road in search of someone to interview about the mysterious disappearance of William Towelamp, there was a blast from the past.

Hecot Smithly, the man who was absorbed by a towel, bumped into the reporter and immediately apologized for stepping on her stylish pumps with two inch heels. "I am sorry about your new shoes," he said, "but I want to say something about Towelamp's disappearance." The encounter was in front of Fernpod's Woodworking Shop.

Tabby Lane, our reporter, handed Smithly the microphone while she brushed off her shoes. Later, when she checked the recording, she discovered this recorded message: "Towelamp sucks. He made all that money selling T-shirts about my unfortunate absorption into a towel. He sold towels too!" A pause. "He deserved to disappear. The world is better without him."

Police are naming Hecot Smithly as a person of interest and want to talk to him.

Towelamp Disappeared from Face of Earth

2011-12-13T19:44:00.001-05:00

A Blue Green Power Plant investigative investigation has not been able to locate a single shred of evidence that suggests that William Towelamp still exists says a recent report in the Blue Green Power Plant.

"There has been no activity on his credit card," says Louie Simplepaw, owner of the Shell station on Frontage Road.

Neither have they seen him at the food court or the bank. It is as if he disappeared from the face of the earth!

This report by Bluegreenplant.

Paparazzi Find Towelamp Missing

2011-12-08T16:23:00.004-05:00

It turns out that William Towelamp is not in Metropolitan Hospital after all. A paparazzi team known as The Brave Boys has infiltrated the hospital penthouse and found no occupants, zero.

A female nurse said, "I told you so."

Little Billy Plimberton, when contacted for comment said, "I think he is afraid to face us in court."

Deja Vu--Odd Rabbit Spotted at Metropolitan Hospital Two

2011-11-19T22:44:00.004-05:00

An odd looking rabbit was captured on security camera at Metropolitan Hospital II, the hospital built by Sir William Towelamp after he imploded the *irst Metropolitan Hospital.

"I don't know if any of you *uckers remember," said an upset looking man who was carrying a medium sized dog, "but after they imploded that hospital it all disappeared down a hole. A rabbit hole they say it was."

"Why are you carrying that dog?" asked a Bluegreenplant reporter.

"If you must know, he rolled in something. Hey, are you listening to me? That rabbit with a human foot from New Zealand was never captured."

"Why don't you put the dog down?"

"Would you *ocus on the damned important news story!"

It is worth noting that William Towelamp is rumored to be staying in Metropolitan Hospital II presently, ever since being hit by a reverse meteorite at a carwash for charity.

Towelamp Look-alike Seen at Window

2011-11-16T20:00:00.002-05:00

A William Towelamp look-alike was seen at the window of Metropolitan Hospital's penthouse suite, where billionaire William Towelamp has been reported to be in a coma.

"Why would his double be in the same room? They are obviously bringing in an impostor to pretend to be Towelamp in court," said Sister Elenor "Jinx" McFarlane of the Children Who Need Help charity. Her charity is in a court battle with Towelamp over damage to a car during a carwash.

Children Jetison Milk in Favor of Takeover Bid

2011-10-07T21:30:00.005-05:00

The Children Who Need Help charity has foregone it's weekly milk bid at the Farmer's Market. Instead of milk, they have invested funds in The Blue Green Power Plant.

"It was all little Billy's idea," stated Sister Carla Mary as she swung a rosary around her index finger, then caught the crucifix expertly in her palm. "Little Billy and the other tots." She patted the little one's shoulder.

When approached for comment, little Billy Plimberton played the numbskull and remained mum.

Independent analysis indicates, however, that one percent of the company may carry quite a symbolic counterweight to Towelamp's fifty-one percent interest in the company at the next board of directors' meeting.

In the meantime, two lawsuits are chugging through the courts. The Charity is suing the millionaire for gobbling up their funds. Towelamp is suing the children for damaging his car. Two cases on a collision course.

Billionaire Rock and Roller!

2011-09-28T19:07:00.005-05:00

William Towelamp has been posed in a semi-recumbent position with the top of his head wrapped up like a mummy. That is the report from Marta Sotolongatogo, nurses's assistant at Metropolitan Hospital II. Bluegreenplant received exclusive report of the situation even though Mister Towelamp's condition has been kept under wraps.

"I risk my job as healthcare worker, you know? But you pay for this information. Isn't that so?" She inquired after providing her report to the Blue Green Power Plant. Unfortunately, Bluegreenplant has a policy of not paying sources for information. The above photograph was taken by Ms. Sotolongatogo with her cell phone camera and is courtesy of her.

It seems that Towelamp pulled his car into Jake's Tender Fenderz on Frontage Road and a rock swooped down from the sky and knocked him out cold sending him rolling and then splayed across the parking lot. "I seen the whole thing. The poor son of a bitch didn't have no chance at all. The craziest thing is how the rock just kept on going after it hit him." Jake scratched his bald head, which was slightly splattered with blue auto enamel. Then he added, "It was as if somebody was driving that thing."

The official word from the hospital is that, although Sir William Towelamp is a patient and donor, they have not seen him on the premises for years and he is not in that room."

Towelamp Threatens another Lawsuit

2011-09-19T19:47:00.004-05:00

"Look. Look right there," growled Sir William Towelamp as he pointed at the fender of his beige Rolls Royce. "Those damn kids dented it." He was complaining of the job done at the First Annual Orphan's Car Wash, which was being held to raise money to pay debts at the Children Who Need Help charity organization.

"It's not our fault," retorted little Billy to a group of newspeople when told of the accusations by Towelamp. Then little Billy began to ball up his fists and rub his eyes--as if they could absorb an ocean of tears.

"My lawyer is going to make mincemeat pie out of those brats!" shouted Towelamp from across the parking lot which had a sheen of wet asphalt. "How can you possibly explain that dent?"

Billy gathered himself and looked into the cameras as a sign of his telling the truth. Then he said matter-of-factly: "I don't care if anyone believes me or not. A rock came flying down out of the sky, like it was from outer space or something. It hit the car and then it flew away again. Into the sky!"

Reporters had a good laugh, until one serious guy, Pluitzer Prize winner Bill Duckton of The Blue Green Power Plant, gave Billy a comforting pat on the shoulder. He held up his hand and--as if blanketing all the foolish reporters with silence--he whispered, "I believe you Billy. You saw something very rare today."

The hush was palpable. Even Towelamp's corner of the lot was still.

Duckton muttered, "Reverse meteorite."

Towelamp Threatened With Lawsuit

2011-08-26T21:01:00.003-05:00

The Children Who Need Help charity has threatened to sue William Towelamp, who doubled his investment when he bankrolled a Blue Green Power Plant Commercial which won a substantial prize. He had promised a portion of his profits to the charity, but the kids ended up with zilch.

"I am really sorry," stated Towelamp. "After taking my cut, a modest profit, we actually were slightly in the red. In the spirit of our deal, I sent to the charity exactly what was due."

Little Billy Plimberton was hoping to receive a check in the mail to help him buy milk at school. Instead he got a surprising surprise. "I got a bill. I couldn't believe it. Me and some other kids each owe Mister Towelamp a hundred dollars!"

One of the nuns at the orphanage has suggested a meeting to discuss some kind of a fund raiser to pay lawyers' fees.

Blue Green Power Plant Shares Money

2011-08-11T17:38:00.002-05:00

The Blue Green Power Plant has decided to equally divide up a share of its profits among employees with a portion going to the Children Who Need Help charity. This was decided in a meeting where it was revealed that the new Bluegreenplant commercial, which is making waves on the Internet, is this year's winner of the Plankton and Simmons Prize.

I am pleased," stated William Towelamp, who bankrolled the production of the first class production. "Now perhaps more of my tips will be taken seriously about what news to report." Then he thought somberly and added, "Read The Blue Green Power Plant, not because I own it, but to help the children."

Pooch is OK

2011-08-06T19:16:00.004-05:00

Both of Hector Chin's ex wives are contemplating legal action for the custody of Pooch, the dog who came back to life.
"He's not my dog, so they can't sue me for him," stated Hector Chen over the phone in a conversation with Bluegreen Plant reporter Tabby Lane.
As if on cue, the cute little canine gave Mr. Chen a huge-tongued sloppy kiss, demonstrating tremendous appreciation that only a dog could show.
Picture: Pooch frolicks in the garden of the park near Hector Chen's apartment.

Hector Chen Makes Plea Bargain

2011-05-07T22:07:00.002-05:00

When The Odd Prowler mentioned the tragic case of Hector Chen on Entertainment Tonite, wheels were set in motion to unleash his eventual freedom.

In an unusual plea bargain, Hector Chen will be allowed to go free, provided he brings Pooch, the stand-in for Charlestheactordog.com back to life. Chen is the first man convicted of giving rabies to a dog when the dog who pooch was standing in for bit the vector.

"It's just another case of what he does. He makes promises and doesn't keep them," said his ex wife at her mansion on the Paraguay River.

"I couldn't agree with her more," said his other ex-wife, who was sipping a coconut with a straw in it.

"

Towelamp Seized at Royal Wedding

2011-05-01T14:41:00.005-05:00

A small commotion at the British wedding recently went all but unnoticed when William Towelamp became irate and began cursing in English. "Bloody hell. I am supposed to sit here!" he shouted as red-coated soldiers attempted to extract him from a seat next to Sir Elton John in the section reserved for Knights of the Empire.

The millionaire Canadian industrialist showed a card that indeed vouched for his knighthood, but then a background check performed by a diligent bobby from Bermuda, verified that all rights to knighthood had been subsequently revoked.

"This sucks," summed up the Odd Prowler when he saw soldiers carting Towelamp away in a carriage. "He doesn't deserve to be treated this way."

After he was gone, the festivities continued, festivities which included two royal kisses.

Hector Chen on Death Row!!

2011-04-09T09:47:00.004-05:00

Supreme Court Judge, Oscar Tyler-Gomez, has condemned Hector Chen for murder and now he is on death row!

Pooch, the stand-in for Charlestheactordog.com has died of rabies, and due to a mix-up in court papers, Hector Chen was found guilty for the crime.

"I severely doubt that dog had rabies before biting the accused. He, after all, is a star!" said the Maria Tyler-Gomez, the prosecutor, who clicked her stiletto heels where the exclamation point went in the previous sentence.

Hector Chen's lawyer looked at the ice melting in his glass of rye whiskey, waved his hand as if the air were jello, and said, "No questions, judge."

The courtroom gasped, but knew that someone had to pay for the crime.

Dog that Bit Hector Chen Quarantined

2011-03-15T10:29:00.003-05:00

Due to the publicity generated when a dog actor nipped the hand of Hector Chen, scientist slash actor, and it swelled up, Charlesthedogactor.com has been quarantined for rabies.

The animal whined moanfully as an animal shelter worker did an interview with Bluegreenplant reporter, Angela Ramos. "If that dog dies, then Mister Chen dies. That's all there is to it!"

"But isn't there a treatment for rabies? A series of painful injections into the abdomen with a foot-long needle?" Her beautiful black locks wafted in the air, scented with Lysol and animal grime.

"You know," replied the animal control worker. "We don't have many women as beautiful as you coming in here. I must be a little flustered." He shrugged and grinned. "Sure there's a cure. I guess we could give that to the dog."

Ms. Ramos, even the more gorgeous deflecting the flattery, responded, "Oh, I mean for Mister Chen."

"I suppose we could get some shots for Mister Chen as well." He smiled as the terrific reporter made kissing sounds toward the cowering Charlesthedogactor.com, who cowered in the corner of the kennel.

Hector Chen Suffers Dog Bite

2011-03-02T21:29:00.003-05:00

"Our tragic hero has hit rock bottom," announced the voice solemnly on the steps of the cafeteria at the Hotel Chiguiro in Downtown Asunsion, Paraguay. Then the microphone reverberated as Hector Chen received a supportive pat on the back performed by the Odd Prowler.

Next, it was the turn of Hector Chen to take the mic with the shaky grip of his bandaged hand. "I want to sincerely thank..." He rubbed a tear from his eye for effect. "I want to sincerely thank the Odd Prowler for saving my life." At this point, Hector Chen began blubbering. Then he continued, "...not one time, but twice."

The Odd Prowler smiled at the cameras, then ducked inside when a shouted voice in the crowd asked him about his immigration status.

Hector Chen to film Dogfood Commercial

2011-02-22T20:32:00.004-05:00

Sources say that Hector Chen, Paraguayan Scientist and hero bigamist and illegal alien up north, has signed a contract to film a dog food commercial. It seems that he needs to replenish his coffers ever since losing in a double divorce trial and getting his nose bloodied in court by bailif, Tintin Coraje a short time ago.

"He must really need the dough," said the source, "because I hear that the dog-actor he is working with is a real unstable canine."

His two ex-wives have opened a windsurfing school and day-orphanage on the Paraguay river with their settlement. At least Chen's money is going to a good cause.

Hector Chen Denied Passport Renewal

2011-02-14T19:12:00.004-05:00

In an unprecedented over-stretch of authority, a Paraguayan federal judge has denied Hector Chen's passport renewal application. Judge Oscar Tyler-Gomez of Asuncion has labeled Chen a risky traveler and stamped his file with his enormous gavel. "Why would he want a passport? Isn't Paraguay good enough for him?" said the judges spokesman, Bailif Tintin Coraje, an obvious patriot. "He wouldn't be trying to flee any upcoming court proceedings, would he?"

When contacted for comment, Chen replied, "It's ridiculous. I have nothing to fear from the court system. I respect the honorable judge, but as for his spokesman, he is a bedbug full of venereal infection and should be squashed. Wait, wait! Don't print that. It was off the record!!!"

Hector Chen Photographed Hiding Fixtures

2011-02-09T19:20:00.003-05:00

A Paraguayan parparazzi caught a series of photos of Hector Chen, scientist, hero and two-timing bigimist, removing fixtures from his residence and hiding them in an undisclosed location. Speculators have speculated that he is stripping the house in anticipation of losing it in his double-divorce trial.

Mary Tyler Gomez, lawyer for the two wives, has sought help from a psychic to locate the fixtures.

Tree Grows Leaves in one Day

2011-01-31T19:30:00.002-05:00

A tree with no leaves mysteriously sprouted huge, green leaves overnight. This happened in Asunsion, Paraguay, where locals insisted it was a miracle.

"It's a miracle," stated a local with both palms on the side of his face.

Still other murmurings suggest that it has something to do with the Odd Prowler's appearance in the country.

"I think the Odd Prowler has something to do with this," murmured a figure who did not wish to be identified.

It was definitely a wild time.

Byline: Hector Chen, Scientist and new staff writer

Hector Chen Forced into Dilemma

2011-01-24T20:29:00.002-05:00

After bonding over a couple of bottles of Paraguayan beer, two women claiming to be the wife of Hector Chen, national hero, have decided to divorce him in a class-action suit and buy a mansion to share on the Paraguay River.

They will be represented by a famous female lawyer, Maria Tyler-Gomez, who claims, "It is an open and shut case."

When asked to comment, Chen just stood with his jaw dropped and unblinking eyes.

Fisticuffs in Tickertape Parade

2011-01-16T20:49:00.002-05:00

News photographers aimed and focused on the negative during a ticker-tape parade to honor the returned Paraguayan Scientific heroes. When two buxom ladies began swinging carefully manicured punches at one another, it was reported that each one claimed to be the wife of Hector Chen, the more vociferous of the two heroes.

When asked to clear up the confusion, Mr. Chen took the microphone in his hand and shouted, "Have you ever seen a parade like this?"

The confetti continued to fall.

Ticker Tape Parade in Asuncion

2011-01-07T22:48:00.003-05:00

With a tap-tap of a surveyor's hammer, the two encased Paraguayan scientists were freed from their lava shells. "I am so grateful for this release!" shouted Hector Chen, the more vociferous of the two scientists. "Thank God for the Odd Prowler, who saved us from Limbo and oblivion!"

Everyone in the makeshift media circus at the foot of the rumbling volcano clapped. Some tears were shed.

When a media reporter from CNN rudely butted in front of a Bluegreenplant reporter who was already asking questions, the scientists were given the opportunty to speak their minds. "What are you thinking right now?" asked the CNN reporter as he jabbed a spitty microphone in the exhausted heros' faces.

"Um. What year is it?" asked one of the scientists while the other one nodded.

When told it was 2o11, the pair turned pale and the audience reached a reverse crescendo of a hush. "We went in there in 2010," said Hector Chen. "Now it's 2011. So we were in there for a whole year!"

Odd Prowler Reinstates Christmas

2010-12-26T20:05:00.003-05:00

The Odd Prowler announced today on The Blue Green Power Plant that Christmas can be celebrated after all. When the general public insisted that to celebrate Christmas would dishonor the memory of the Paraguayan Scientists who perished sadly in the volcano, The Odd Prowler let out an awkward guffaw and said, "You mean these guys?" and gestured to two statues of lava, which bore uncanny resemblances to the dearly departed scientists.

A hush was heard throughout the trailer where the briefing was held.

Then the Odd Prowler continued in impeccable English, "They fell down into the Center of the Earth. We caught them. They are safe and sound."

Then a little girl, the daughter of one of the camera operators, said something in a tiny, high voice, "How can they be still alive if they are in rock statues." Out of the mouths of babes....

The Odd Prowler handed her a Baby Ruth bar and scruffled the hair on her head. "Don't fret little one. It is just like carbonite. We will crack them open with a hammer and they'll be ready for a celebration because Christmas is back!!!!!!!

With the announcement, the Dow Jones Industrials shot back up to pre-cancellation levels.

Gruff Voice Identified

2010-12-22T13:04:00.002-05:00

Scientific voice print animations were run through an anemometer in the lab at Charles Berkeley Labs in order to nail down the producer of the gruff voice which canceled Christmas on Earth within the past 48 hours. "This computer machine is state of the art. It will get down to identifying where those sound waves came from, ha ha ha," stated Charles Berkeley as he turned some dials. "I sympathize with those scientists who fell in the volcano. I once burned my hand in simulated lava and it hurt like a..."

Just then some beeping started and Dr. Berkeley excitedly grabbed a tongue of paper which extended from a slot in the machine. "Oh, my. It can't be," he uttered with disbelief.

The reporter for the Blue green Power plant requested specification. "CAn't be whom?"

With one hundred percent accuracy, that voice has been identified. Christmas was canceled by...The Odd Prowler!" Just then the doctor became faint and needed a Cup-o-soup.

Christmas Canceled

2010-12-20T09:14:00.006-05:00

"It is no time to have any kind of gift-giving, dancing, feasting, caroling, or contributing to charity events. Christmas is officially canceled," a gruff voice announced through simultaneous media outlets. "In place of the traditional holidays, residents of Earth are ordered to stay home and mourn the two Hero Paraguayan Scientists, who tragically tipped into a lava-spewing volcano." The voice appeared in all the countries of the world on all the televisions and radios that were turned on. "You are ordered to stay home and eat nothing more than popcorn, their favorite food."

"The voice had a slightly biblical accent," reported Tillie Tottington, a Broadway actress who knows more than three-hundred accents.

Starry-eyed tots and merchants stood with their mouths agape at the powerful announcement as parents and other consumers nodded in agreement and headed for their respective parking lots.

Hero Squad--Not So Heroic

2010-12-11T20:04:00.002-05:00

A hero squad of crackerjack mercenaries sent by a private security firm in the USA accidentally toppled the limousine with two famous scientists into a volcano when it maneuvered to rescue the trapped Paraguayans.

"Shit shit shit," said Sir William Towelamp, the head of the security firm. "I knew I would have been better off with Canadians!" He really looked upset as he pounded his fist like a overtightened ball of meat on the fiberboard podium. A microphone squeeked and reporters shuddered.

On the streets of Asunsion, the previously planned welcoming ceremony will be changed to a funeral procession.

"This is a sad turn of events," stated Bill Duckton, who came out of seclusion to comment.

Everyone is sad.

Limousine Wheels Go Round and Round

2010-11-20T21:06:00.003-05:00

The limousine with two scientists inside is perched on the rim of a volcano in such a way that the wheels are just spinning. They no longer contact the ground. "The thing is so precariously balanced there, if a feather or a speck of volcanic dust lands on the front end, the whole thing may tip into the gaping mouth of the fiery volcano's fury," said Trevor Clint, an aspiring novelist who is biking around South America. "I witnessed the whole thing."

Analysts hired by the Blue Green Power Plant have studied both home videos sent by Clint and live feed from Google Earth and they have another completely different assessment of the situation. "After careful analysis, we are sure that the novelist is wrong. It would take at least twenty specks of dust to tip them into the volcano."

Authorities have cut off the limousine's access to news reports so that the scientists will not get scared.

The Pope Gets Stoned!!!

2010-11-13T21:15:00.004-05:00

In a crazy Biblical twist, just as the Pope quoted the famous scripture, "May he who is without sin cast the first stone," a rock appeared from out of nowhere and hit his tall hat, which gripped his skull with velcro fasteners as he went off-balance and an unforgiving gravity pulled him to the floor.

He sang in a sing-song Latin, "I am OK," then was said to curse in German after four body guards piled on top of him to protect him from further projectiles. Vatican Doctors say that this pileup caused a hairline fracture in his spare rib.

Analysis of video from twenty seven angles has revealed the culprit in the attack. It was a reverse meteorite.

Pope Mentions Paraguayan Scientists in Sunday Mass

2010-11-07T19:27:00.002-05:00

The Pope of Rome singled out the Paraguayan Scientists who are sitting in a limousine precariously upturned at the edge of the opening of an active volcano. He suggested that all Catholics and Heathens from other religions pray to the Virgin Mary to save the scientists, who appear to be too scared to try to open the car door.

"We are living off the vast stores of snack foods and liquor here in the limo," Hector Chang, the taller of the two scientists whispered in an interview over the limo-phone. "Don't worry. We have a bathroom and everything in here." Then after an awkward silence, the man who had dedicated his life to godless-science blurted out: "Pray for us!"

As the Pope mentioned the two scientists, he cringed and showed tension in his shoulders.

Oscar Tollenger Randomly Attacked by Reverse Meteorite

2010-10-28T18:33:00.003-05:00

A CIA agent posing for over twenty years as a llama farmer in Iquitos, Peru has suffered scratches and severe embarrassment after the outhouse he was using was smashed into smithereens by the same reverse meteorite he had photographed attacking a limousine containing two Paraguayan scientists.

That story was reported in a previous Bluegreenplant story.

"I couldn't believe it," said his native Peruvian butler. "It was tenacious, obsessed, almost as if it was angry at him. I know it sounds crazy, but there seemed to be an intelligence behind it. The crazy flying rock kept on attacking until my boss ran into those piranha-infested waters which, by the way, is a tributary into the Amazon."

So far Agent Tollenger is still missing.

Peruvian Limousine Attacked by Reverse Meteorite

2010-10-23T22:38:00.004-05:00

The Peruvian limousine which fancily shuttled the two Paraguayan scientists who were deported by the United States for soliciting a job at a fast food place, was attacked by an object which was eventually identified as a reverse meteorite.

"Holy f****!" said a bystander who saw the whole thing. "Just don't use my name or picture cause I don't wanna get on that d**** thing's bad side! No pictures man!" said Oscar Tollenger of Iquitos Peru as he waved his hands in front of the camera.

Raw video taken by Tollenger with his cell phone suggests that it may be the same reverse meteorite that attacked the plane the scientists were riding in.

The Peruvian limousine is now upside down and on the edge of a volcano opening.

It seems as if the scientists are in peril.

Paraguayan Scientists Criticize American Culture

2010-10-14T19:41:00.002-05:00

It looks like the two Paraguayan scientists whose plane crashed in the Andes Mountains will arrive in their homeland in style. A Peruvian limosine service has volunteered to shuttle them through the Amazonian Basin and across the vicuña-sprinkled plains into Asunción, their capital city.

"We've been through a lot," said the taller of the two scientists. "But we are proud of the work we have done."

Then the shorter scientist nodded.

Before they got in the fancy limo, they were asked for a final statement and they both shouted in unison: "Everyone Loves Raymond sucks!"

The vehicle sped off on a bumpy cloud of dust before the reporter, who rolled his eyes and shook his head, could correct them. It is Everybody Loves Raymond.

Paraguayan Scientists Spotted on Google Earth

2010-10-06T20:40:00.002-05:00

A Russian university student procrastinating his studies has been credited with possibly saving the lives of two hopelessly lost scientists who fled into the jungle after being shot at by Colombian troops in a case of mistaken identity. They found themselves in the jungle after their deportation plane crash landed after being attacked by a reverse meteorite.

Ivan Sunavivich spotted the panickers sprinting across a clearing in the rain forest--and still wearing their headphones from their first class seats on the plane. "I was messing around with the Google Earth when I saw them." He tapped his pencil on his face in an idiosyncratic gesture. "I saw them running and knew it was those guys I read about on the Bluegreenplant. I immediately called the Paraguayan Embassy and the janitor told me that a rescue was in the works." He smiled. "So I guess I am a hero."

Conflict in Andes Almost Kills Survivors of Crash

2010-09-28T20:16:00.002-05:00

A Colombian rescue party opened fire on an Ecuadoran rescue team when they met face to face on a ridge between the two countries.

"We thought they were guerrillas. Who would have known that a small,minor country like Ecuador would send out a team to rescue those scientists who were attacked by the reverse meteorite," said a Colombian rescuer.

"If we are a minor country, then how come we got there first?" shouted a short little guy with a cap that said Quito on it. "Those guys were almost rescued, then these jerks...." he pointed at the Colombian leader. "...these jerks started shooting and scared them away."

The good news is that the scientists appeared to be in good condition when they ran away and disappeared into the jungle-laden hills.

Reverse Meteorite Attacks Plane

2010-09-19T13:15:00.004-05:00

A reverse meteorite has attacked a plane where three distinguished Paraguayan scientists were enjoying a movie in first class. The movie, more accurately described as an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" with the racy scenes edited out for a general audience, was curtailed when the plane slipped off of radar screens and slipped into an unexplored section of the South American Andes.

A middle school student in Saskatchewan, Canada reported a wrong number in his math class at approximately 2:15 Canada time. "I got this call and I answered it cause I thought it might be my mum. It turns out to be this guy screaming that an asteroid was attacking his plane and he just said that they were going down down. Then I got a detention for using my phone in class."

Ecuador, Colombia, and Chile have offered to send out search parties.

Paraguayan Scientists Get Free Ticket

2010-09-14T18:47:00.006-05:00

Paraguayan scientists who overstayed their work visas are looking forward to enjoying a first-class flight home to their South American homeland. "I suspect that we will be welcomed as heroes," said Hector Chen, the leader of the scientific team who discovered a creature living inside of a reverse asteroid/meteorite. "All of us on the team are homesick. Besides, it is impossible to find a job nowadays in the USA."

The scientific team was sponsored by Manuel Maximo-Gomez, an ice-cream truck driver who is renowned for publishing pamphlets on physics and hygiene. The carefully orchestrated investigation crumbled when a disgruntled fast-food employee revealed that none of the scientists was working for Maximo-Gomez, and one of them had actually applied and was hired to replace the employee who had been caught on videotape giving away free apple pies.

"Anyway, our job is done here. We have done the leg work. The rest is up to your NASA etc." smiled Dr. Chen.

Reverse Meteorite Stops at Fast Food Restaurant

2010-08-13T14:19:00.004-05:00

It turns out that the reverse meteorite which shot into space from the surface of the Earth did not burn up, as regular meteorites do. Actually, it returned to the surface by making a pinpoint landing in a McDonald's parking lot.

"I didn't see anything," reported a customer who was there at the time.

"I didn't see anything either," added a manager who was working the shift.

Analysts have posited that the meteorite, which has been called an asteroid by some, may have emitted some kind of force which erased the memories of the people in the restaurant.

"This is like science fiction, but it is non-fiction," quipped the cousin of one of the analysts. Then he turned and continued, "Two apple pies, please."

Reverse Meteorite Spotted

2010-07-26T06:02:00.003-05:00

"Instead of falling towards the Earth, the meteor shot from somewhere on the surface of the Earth and out into space," said a man who was so shocked that he could not remember his own name. "It just goes beyond the rules of science and turns everything upside down!"

The middle aged scientist with tie-dyed blonde hair was referring to an unnatural occurence that occured in front of a large bussload of tourists in Alabama. One of the tourists, Maggie Price, described the incident. A giant rock came out of the ocean and flew out into space. Scary as hell."

Experts have speculated that it was a reverse asteroid.

Probe Confirms Sugar Crystals on Moon

2010-06-23T22:40:00.002-05:00

Librarian Matthew Probe has confirmed that an article in a NASA publication has documented the existence of sugar crystals on the moon. "Portugal has approached Kenya to pool resources and send a rocket ship up there ASAP," read Probe as he thumbed through the New York Times.

Mister Probe has been a librarian at his current location for over thirty-seven years.

Sugar Crystals found on Moon

2010-06-14T21:05:00.002-05:00

Scientists at the NASA Observatory have verified that sand on the moon is actually silica, a kind of sugar used on toast in Kenya and Portugal. Experts are at a loss as to how the strange manifestation has come to pass and it has been posited that the sugar has been there since the beginning of time.

The director of the Space Investigation Agency has schedueled a press conference to explain how much they have figured out and to answer any question from the press.

"This is so weird," said Tammy Salmander, a self-proclaimed groupie for the scientists at NASA.

Alien Destroys Robot on Sea Floor

2010-05-17T18:55:00.002-05:00

An Alien that looks like Jesus, only smaller, has destroyed an expensive robot with some kind of gunk-ray, perhaps because it did not want to be photographed on the sea floor.

Tarooush Buckingham of South Calcutta, India, described the encounter. "I was remotely operating the robot, as per my job instructions. I work for a large American company at a remote computer console. Well, I was looking through the camera of the robot, you know with my computer monitor, and suddenly, sploosh! We were covered with black and brown goo. It was disgusting."

The science division of Robotor Drilling Corporation has alerted the US Department of Homeland Security to inform of the sudden onset of hostility from the alien.

Robot Spots Alien on Sea Floor

2010-05-07T22:32:00.003-05:00

Images beamed from one of the giant robots sent to investigate a leak where a huge oil rig sprung a leak making fiasco an understatement, have revealed the image of an peculiar creature over a mile below sea level. "It might sound crazy, but at first I thought the image was Jesus," said researcher Phillip Conway of BP oil company. "Then we enhanced the photo and I posted it on my facebook. Someone from South Florida had seen it in a McDonald's Restaurant."

Nobody can explain why or how it traveled into the Gulf of Mexico, but one observer had a theory. "He is going to plug the hole and save the world," said Annie O'Corlkey of Hampshiretown, New Mexico.

An official at the company formerly known as British Petroleum had another theory. "I think that is the thing that caused the leak," stated Mark Tubledge, a lawyer for the corporation.

Coast Guard Vessel Sinks to Bottom of Ocean

2010-04-23T17:07:00.003-05:00

A coast guard vessel which confiscated an asteroid with a creature inside has sunk to the bottom of the ocean. According to a major drydock contractor, there is no reason for the fast-boat to have sunk.

"I swear that my company earns every penny that we get from the US government. We inspected that boat and found it to be totally sound," said Shandly Tonslindale, president of Tinkletown, a company that sub-contracts with the United States Government to plug up holes in Coast Guard vessels and bathtubs and toilets. "If that thing sunk, it was not our fault."

The crew of the vessel were rescued by ocean voyager, Tyler Plomo, who, while cruising in his houseboat, spotted the three guys and one gal floundering around in phosphorescent life rings.

Bystanders on the docks expressed concern for the creature in the asteroid. Bababji Smith, ten years old, stated, "I sure hope that creature can hold its breath. Ha ha."

This reporter wanted to procure more comments on the situation, but had to meet a deadline.

Coast Guard Intercepts Asteroid

2010-04-19T20:04:00.002-05:00

The United States Coast Guard has stopped a fleeing houseboat with an asteroid aboard. Creatures are living in the asteroid and it has been claimed by various individuals, including a trash digger's friend.

More details will be provided as they become available.

Asteroid Eclipses Ignot

2010-04-04T17:13:00.004-05:00

All news stories about Bill Duckton exploiting his fame and popularity to help his friend, Bill Dafferty to legally steal an ignot that he doesn't deserve from a poor trash digger have been chucked onto the back burner of the newsroom now that someone has found the asteroid with an otherworldly creature in it.

"I found this weird thing and at first I thought it was Jesus inside a rock, but then someone at the McDonald's told me they heard about it on the news and it wasn't Jesus," said Tyler Plomo of The Ocean. "It captured great interest at first, then everyone from the McDonald's cleared out and I was the only customer. The girl talked me into buying two apple pies and I only wanted one. Then she said she would give me coffee for free if I took my asteroid outside. I got a large."

Tyler Plomo lives on a yacht and is a self-proclaimed traveler of the hemisphere looking for interesting objects in garbage dumps.

Dafferty Esctatic About Ignot

2010-03-22T18:24:00.002-05:00

Bill Dafferty has radioed from an undisclosed location that he is as pleased as punch that he won the court case to get his hands on the gold ignot which was found by a guy accompanying another guy who was looking for something else.

Word is that Dafferty may send his lawyer, Bill Duckton, to claim the treasured treasure.

Judge Makes Ruling: Dafferty to Get Ignot

2010-03-13T22:46:00.002-05:00

A South Florida District judge has ruled in favor of Bill Duckton, acting as attorney for the absent Bill Dafferty, granting possession of the gold ignot found in a garbage dump by a friend of a lazy employee who was looking for a tiny character who lives inside an asteroid who is not Jesus and was accidently thrown out by an overworked cleaning woman.

"Since the personnel cuts," said the cleaning woman, "I have had to do the work of two people. It's impossible to keep track of everything."

In response, a supervisor at the Blue Green Power Plant remarked, "She should just be glad she has a job!"

Employer Sues Trash Digger For Gold Ignot

2010-03-07T00:01:00.002-05:00

Bill Duckton, claiming power of attorney for Bill Dafferty, has filed suit claiming rights to the gold ignot which was found by a sub-contractor who was hanging around Mount Trashmore with a man hired by Dafferty to find an asteroid with a tiny creature inside.

"It's my gold!" he stated at the yacht show earlier. "I was hired by Thistle anyway. Finders keepers. That's the rule from childhood."

Leon Thistle has not made claim for the gold, possibly due to embarrassment because he found it but was too lazy to pick it up.

Trash Digger Ecstatic

2010-03-03T21:20:00.003-05:00

A bum who was employed to search for a discarded asteroid by digging through Mount Trashmore in Non-incorporated Miami-Dade County is dancing around in circles even though he isn't Irish.

After a long day of searching through the grime of his fellow residents, Leon Thistle found something bright and shiny, which looked like a bar of gold. He tried to pick it up, but found it to be very heavy so he moved on.

Then Mikey Gorgleson went to the same place and managed to pick up the object, albeit gruntingly. He took it to a pawn shop and was surprised to hear that it was a real gold ignot--made of real gold.

When asked what his plans were now that he is a rich man he responded, "I quit." He looked into a reporter's camera. "Do you hear me boss?" Also I would like to buy a big house, like the one that Towelamp guy has.

Investigators Down in the Dumps

2010-02-25T18:05:00.002-05:00

Investigators are sifting through garbage at "Mount Trashmore" in non-incorporated Miami Dade County in search of the asteroid with a waving creature inside which was accidentally thrown out by a cleaning person.

"So far we found a baby carriage with three wheels and my partner found a shoebox fulla gold coins. He ain't here any more," said Leon Thistle, who is now lead investigator. "I'm gonna keep on looking. I found some lottery tickets, but they were no good."

Asteroid Accidently Thrown Out

2010-02-19T22:38:00.002-05:00

The asteroid with a waving creature inside was accidentally thrown out with the garbage while security guards were watching a Venezuelan soap opera's concluding episode on Univision. Apparently, a newly hired cleaning lady chucked the chunk of space rock into the dumpster behind the Blue Green Power Plant Building and automated garbage trucks picked it up as a beautiful sunrise emerged from the dawn to meet a new day.

"It was terrible, a terrible mistake," said Roncho Gomez, head of security at Blue Green Power Plant. "Angie married trevor only to find out that his true love was still alive and had escaped through a secret passage way in the coffin, but misunderstood that he was not really her brother after all." He sniffed. "But it all turned out well in the end. They got married."

Tiny Thing Inside of Asteroid is Not Jesus

2010-02-12T21:19:00.003-05:00

Paraguayan astronomers have used strategy to verify that the tiny creature seen moving about in a hollow inside of an asteroid which crashed through the roof of a prodigious News Gathering agency is not the baby Jesus. as previously thought.

"We turned the tables on ourselves and used a microscope instead of a telescope," said one of the astronomers in a drunken stupor. "We didn't care what our colleagues were going to say. We wanted to find out what it was."

When they looked inside, they saw a creature waving, but it didn't look anything like the baby Jesus, as it was misidentified around Christmas time.

More studies and details are forthcoming, according to a maintenance man who was watching over the sleeping scientists.

Duckton Disappearance Raises Rumors On Internet

2010-02-08T20:18:00.002-05:00

Chat groups and blobs on the internet are humming with rumors as to the whereabouts of Bill Dafferty, fugitive. It appears that he has escaped into a hole which was left by the Odd Prowler--a hole to the Center of the Earth.

Newly re-hired reporters Angela Ramos and Tabby Lane have been assigned the job of picking up the work left behind by Dafferty's absence.

"It's a damn shame," said Tabby Lane with her English accent. "And they are not raising our salaries a penny!"

High-Powered Lawyer Reports Escape

2010-01-31T19:35:00.002-05:00

A high-powered lawyer who was hired by William Towelamp to assure the prosecution of Bill Dafferty on charges of racketeering discovered something that will surprise the readers of this blog.

He said, "I went to his jail cell to taunt Dafferty a little bit, you know, make him crack. It's a technique I learned in law school for making those dirtbags confess. Anyhoo, I got to the cell and he had escaped. There was a hole in the bottom of the cell and not even his toothbrush was still in the cell. He would not run unless he were guilty."

A Blue Green Power Plant reporter on the scene, the recently rehired Angela Ramos, noticed that it was the same cell which held the Odd Prowler about a year ago--the one he escaped from. When court maintenance records were checked, they showed that nobody had repaired the hole."

Irish Cop Arrests Bill Dafferty

2010-01-19T17:03:00.002-05:00

A corrupt Irish cop has arrested Bill Dafferty while he was monitoring the line of pilgrims who were visiting the tiny baby Jesus inside of the asteroid which smashed into a candy machine when it came zooming out of the sky. "I'm placing you under arrest for runnin a numbers racket and cheatin all of these people out of their money." The cop seemed to be very serious.

All the people in the line insisted that he let him go. "We won't press charges," they insisted.

The cop seemed to lighten up after he was given a Mars bar. He got out the key to the handcuffs and jingled them in anticipation of releasing the prisoner.

"I want to press charges!" shouted a voice.

That is why Bill Dafferty is now in the pokie. Behind bars.

And who was that voice? William Towelamp, who had just arrived in Miami on his private Jet.

Tabby Lane and Angela Ramos Rehired

2010-01-08T22:49:00.002-05:00

Due to an increase in funding on various levels, the Blue Green Power Plant has been able to re-hire the beautiful Tabby Lane, who was weighing bids from Fox News and Gauntlie's Blog which are rumored to be in the six figure catagory. "I became a reporter to inform people. That is why I return to the Blue Green Power Plant. Even though they mistreated me by giving other reporters corner offices while I was brutally let go, I appreciate that it is the only place in modern media that tells the untold stories," she said in her poetic, seductive and yet commanding voice.

On a side-note, Angela Ramos was also rehired.

Byline: Tabby Lane

Dafferty Raises Price of Asteroid Viewing

2010-01-05T21:48:00.003-05:00

Bill Dafferty has raised the price of viewing the Asteroid with the baby Jesus vision inside from Fifteen dollars to twenty seven dollars and 99 cents. Grumbling pilgrims had a conniption fit, but continued to shell out the dough. A survey, done by the Blue Green Power Plant, has collected data that shows that statistically, everyone who has viewed the Asteroid Miracle has identified the situation as extremely satisfying.

A vegetarian man who works as a butcher, Milbin Zerkseez, has stood in the three-hour line six times with hopes that the experience will bring him good luck. "I really this will help me with my job search." he said grinningly.

Pilgrims Flock to Asteroid

2009-12-30T19:23:00.003-05:00

A long line of religious pilgrims is growing outside of Bluegreenplant Headquarters in Miami, Florida at its location at what used to be Burger King University. All shapes and sizes of characters, some desperate, some funny, some curious, have traveled from all four corners of the globe to witness the baby Jesus in a hole, drilled halfway through an asteroid which hit the roof of the building before destroying a candy machine--scattering Mars bars, Skittles, and other confections all over the floor.

The roof was repaired by Bill Dafferty, who is recouping some of his costs by charging the pilgrims a small fee to wait in a long line and take a look at the baby Jesus.

"If anyone wants to come, they should bring fifteen dollars and no cameras allowed," said Dafferty, who stood next to a Paraguayan scientist who drilled the hole while drunk on hooch. Then Dafferty added, "Are you going to get in line? It's fifteen dollars."

Drunken Scientist Freaks Out

2009-12-24T20:00:00.003-05:00

A drunken Paraguayan scientist has gone rogue on the rest of his crew and began taking a core sample from an asteroid which sits next to a vending machine at the headquarters of the Blue Green Power Plant. He drilled a perfect vipterl (sample) and upon placing it under the microscope, proceeded to scream that he, "saw the baby Jesus."

A spokesman asked the press to note that it was Christmas Eve and that he had been drinking a South American concoction known as "Hooch."

Core Sampler Arrives From Paraguay

2009-12-18T22:36:00.002-05:00

Paraguayan scientists expressed jubilation upon the arrival of the asteroid coring machine. "This is like an early Christmas present," they said. "We didn't think it would arrive so fast. You see our country has the most efficient package transport in the world!"

They plan to take a core sample of the asteroid that crashed through the ceiling of the Blue Green Power Plant Headquarters in Miami, Florida right after attending a combination party in their honor/Christmas party.

The festivities begin tomorrow evening. When asked when they would end, Scientist Chen stated, "Who knows?"

Experts Baffled

2009-12-10T22:15:00.002-05:00

The team of Paraguayan astronomers summoned to investigate the mysterious asteroid seem baffled by the celestial rock. "It's so heavy, I don't think God could pick it up." said Hector Chen, the leader of the team. We are going to have to take a core sample, which entails sending for a coring device. It could take weeks for the equipment to arrive."

When asked what kind of tests he and his team would be running on the object, he just said, "We are going to Disney World."

Word from DHL, the worldwide distributor of stuff, is that the core sampler machine will arrive from Paraguay in two weeks to a year.

Ice Cream Truck Driver Checks out Asteroid

2009-12-05T12:54:00.003-05:00

"Actually it isn't an asteroid at all," proclaimed Manuel Maximo Gomez, an ice cream truck driver who works in the neighborhood where a huge, hot rock from space smashed through the ceiling of the popular headquarters of the publisher of unusual, but true, news stories, The Blue Green Power Plant. Manuel Maximo Gomez was famous in his home country for having published seven pamphlets about astronomy and physics. "It is a meteorite," he concluded.

With great enthusiasm and bluster, he vowed to call in experts who could pick up where he left off on the investigation. An appreciative crowd applauded simultaneously after his announcement that a top Paraguayan astronomer has already been sent for. "I have made so much money selling ice cream to gawkers, that I swear to take this project on as my own personal obsession--to find out what is inside this asteroid, um, meteorite."

A Very Generous Dafferty Indeed

2009-11-27T12:22:00.003-05:00

Upon his return from the Thanksgiving Soup Kitchen, where he was serving soup to the impoverished, poor, and homeless, Bill Dafferty announced with much humility and charm that he would bankroll the repair of the roof of the Blue Green Power Plant Headquarters at the site of the old Burger King University in Miami, Florida, USA. The roof and ceiling were shattered when an asteroid plummeted from outer space and hit the building. Dafferty's Thanksgiving cheer really helped the building's occupants to get over their fright from the initial space-time occurrence.

"It was as scary as shit; it's still scary as shit," said a man who identified himself only as Bollenger, who was escorted out of the building--where he didn't belong. "That thing is still hot. Unlike that soup he served us." He pointed at Bill Dafferty, who was covered with confetti and smiles and adulation.

Asteroid Damages BluegreenPlant Building

2009-11-13T23:00:00.002-05:00

A rock from space has hurtled into the roof of the Blue Green Power Plant building, shattering a water cooler and melting a candy machine.

"I saw it flying through space and then it sploded!" Said a witness, Barbell Breen, who was working in the area. "I am a roofer, you see, " he added. "I see all kinds of stuff up in the sky with my job."

"It was horrible inside," reported Bill Dafferty, who was in the building at the time. "There were Almond Joys all over the place."

Scientists have cordoned off the area for an analysis of the small boulder.

Government Questions Cash Transfer

2009-10-24T10:19:00.002-05:00

Torry English, US representive from a district in Nebraska, has raised questions on the propriety of a cash transfer from the Cayman Islands account of the Blue Green Power Plant and into the personal account of Bill Dafferty.

"What's going on? I thought they were on the brink of bankruptcy and now I see an infusion of capital which is unprecedented in this sector of the economy?" questioned Rep. English on the Cat and Dave Morning Show. "I mean, they cut payroll, terminated more than two employees, and news has leaked out that it is all part of some scheme to make more money to rehire the old employees? Excuse me, but: What in the dickins is going on?"

The Blue Green Power Plant was mum when contacted by one of its few remaining reporters, but the amount of money is considered to be substantial. One of the remaining janitors has cited a crunched up piece of paper from the waste basket of Dafferty with the sum of two-million-seventy-seven dollars scrawled on it in blue ink.

Dafferty is a Hero This Time

2009-10-16T21:59:00.003-05:00

Bill Dafferty has discovered an investment opportunity of a life time which will save the Blue Green Power Plant from its budget problems.

"I can't tell you what it is just yet, but it will knock your socks off," said Dafferty, who has agreed to let money managers at the Blue Green Power Plant in on the first floor. If they invest in my product, then they will recoup all the money they lost through mismanagement and we will be able to hire Angela and Tabby and the proofreadres ass well.

So it seems as if the economy is about to take an upturn!

Dafferty Complains of Pay Cut

2009-10-02T22:43:00.003-05:00

Budget cuts at the Blue Green Power Plant have hit everyone but the most talented reporters. Bill Dafferty narrowly avoided joining the ranks of unemployed, such as Angela Ramos, Tabby Lane, and various proofreaders, by taking a slight pay cut and losing his life insurance.

"If I die, I'm worth nothing," quipped Dafferty. "But at least I have a job."

His boss told him to get back to work.

The only reporter to escape the axe is Bill Duckton, who recently won the Pluitzer Prize for his stories about his travels to the Center of the Earth.

BILL DUCKTON WINS PLUITZER PRIZE AGAIN!!!

2009-09-25T21:25:00.002-05:00

In sharp contrast to the wild antics last year's celebration party, Bill Duckton's congratulatory party consisted of only three people this year. Yes, you heard me right. Bill Duckton has deservedly won the Pluitzer Prize for the year 2009.

It is his second Pluitzer prize in the same number of years. Judges were dazzled by his first-hand reports from the Center of the Earth, which told a tale of how confusion and fear of the unknown evolved into a welcoming embrace from one people to another and eventually a great friendship between him and the Odd Prowler.

Bill Dafferty hosted the congratulatory party. He stated, "This is truly exciting. I have invited over three hundred people to the party." His statement was perhaps a lie.

Of the people who showed up at the party, Bill Dafferty and Bill Duckton were joined by Manny Spencer, an engineer at the Spoonbill's Landing Condiminums.

We congratulate Bill Duckton, our two-timer! We are proud of you.

article written by bill duckton.

The Axe Falls on Bluegreenplant Reporter

2009-09-19T11:42:00.002-05:00

Because of budgeg cuts due to the economic situation, and because the Blue Green POwer plant has vowed never to charge its readers for blog content, staff has been reduced to two reporters, Bill Dafferty and Bill Duckton, and they will have to share the same office.

We are sorry to say that Angela Ramos and Tabby Lane have been let go. The decision had nothing to do with the fact that they were female, the ones who were let go.

Also let go was a male poofreader, so no sexism nor favoritism was involved.

It was suggested that maybe they could sell Mary Kay until the economy upturned.

Ex-Reporter to Get Free Psychiatric Evaluation

2009-09-16T19:25:00.002-05:00

A school counselor from a local middle school in Miami-Dade County has offered his services to evaluate Angela Ramos, the Blue Green Power Plant reporter who has been lost in the Center of the Earth for over a year. Co-workers have reported her as being "grouchy and touchy" ever since her return.

"She seemed especially irritable when informed that she no longer has a job. She refuses to accept that the economy took a downturn while she was gone and she was the first to be laid off," said Mister Morton, school guidance counselor and future PhD candidate. "This is a textbook case of denial."

Mr. Morton will be paid a stipend of $100.00 for his assistance with Angela's case. He will get an additional $50.00 if she tells him whether she saw the Odd Prowler on her way out of the Center of the Earth.

Angela Ramos Blows her Top

2009-09-12T23:07:00.002-05:00

Angela Ramos, the Bluegreenplant reporter who was either thought lost forever or forgotten, and then suddenly reappeared on the surface of the Earth, has given her first interview to explain her ordeal.

When the reporter from a blog called "Discount Calcium Tablets Provide Virility" raised his hand and asked the third question about the Odd Prowler, she hit the ceiling.

"What is this? Why don't you ask about me? All you guys ask about is this Prowler? Holy shit!" And then she stormed off to a waiting Blue Green Power Plant shuttle van driven by Bill Dafferty.

She told a gas station attendant later that she was "pist off" because nobody asked her if she was OK. Everyone wanted to know if she had seen the Odd Prowler on her way up.

She still hasn't answered the question about whether or not she saw the Odd Prowler.

Disappeared Reporter Appears!

2009-09-04T19:44:00.003-05:00

Angela Ramos, the Blue Green Power Plant reporter who disappeared a long time ago when she went to the Center of the Earth to Rescue Bill Duckton, a colleague who she thought was lost, has appeared on the surface of the Earth. She met a weeping mob of humanity who was mourning the loss of the Odd Prowler, even though he is not dead.

"She looks great. She is not even pale," said one witness.
"I was sure she was dead," said another. "It's a miracle."
"She should go back down there and get the Odd Prowler back. He was such a nice guy."

After consuming Coca-cola and Saltines with paramedics, she promised to give an interview to reporters soon. The press is eager to find out what she has been doing all this time in the Center of the Earth, and whether she saw the Odd Prowler going down as she made her way up.

Odd Prowler Turns Up Missing

2009-08-29T18:34:00.003-05:00

You could hear a pin drop in the City of Mulch Park, Nebraska as the Odd Prowler waved goodbye and jumped down the hole that goes to the Center of the Earth.

"He will truly be missed," stated a man dressed as a Roman Centurion and walking a poodle. "I don't know how I will enjoy myself at the costume party tonight, what with the Odd Prowler leaving us. He was such a nice guy."

A beautiful and sexy woman said, "His absence left a hole in my heart. I remember when he smiled at me when we were both in the same line and the cashier left us alone to grab me a pack of cigarettes. I smiled right back at him."

The Odd Prowler left the surface of the Earth because, he said, he was ready to go back home to his chicken farm, which he missed.

Distressed people abounded. A frantic French Canadian was beside himself with grief at the loss of the Odd Prowler. He said, "How can he be gone! He didn't pay his fare!" The middle aged man hid his face against his yellow taxi and let out a diatribe in French, which may have contained a few sobs.

Odd Prowler Promises to Reveal Real Name Before he Goes Home

2009-08-24T19:57:00.002-05:00

Thousands of the inhabitants of the surface of the Earth, also known as superficials, lamented as the news was announced. The beloved children's book author and rescuer of Bill Duckton who brought an era of peace between perpetual feuders, Sir (sic) William Towelamp and Mayor Hecot Smithly has announced that he plans to return home. "I feel I have seen enough of your world and I miss my chicken farm," he stated to a reporter from National Public Radio, who rudely pushed his way past a Bluegreen Power Plant reporter.

He quelled the NPR reporters tedious tears by promising to tell his name to everyone as long as The Blue Green Power Plant reporter was given equal access. The NPR reporter reluctantly shifted to one side and the Bluegreen reporter squeezed through and shoved the microphone in the Odd Prowler's face. The Odd Prowler grinned, gave a thumbs up and said, "My real name is Ding Xiao Chen." Then he added a cryptic, "from Shanghai."

So far, nobody has been able to figure out why he made reference to a Chinese city.

Odd Prowler Makes Peace Between Smithley and Towelamp

2009-08-17T21:29:00.004-05:00

The Odd Prowler has performed the impossible. He has inspired Billionaire William Towelamp and Mayor Hecot Smithley into shaking hands and saying: "No hard feelings." The two mortal enemies, also known as Sir William Towelamp and The Renaissance Man, met on the corner of Chipper Avenue and Gamma Boulevard in Downtown Mulch Park. After shaking hands, the mayor gave Towelamp a key to the city and William Towelamp gave a T-shirt to Mayor Smithley.

"If they can make peace, maybe we can, too," said a Saudi Arabian diplomat who saw an Israeli tourist at Disney World in Florida.

It was an inspirational day, until Smithley unfurled the T-shirt and noticed that it sported a picture of the man who was absorbed into a towel. "That's not funny!" he scolded.

"My bad. My faux paus!" admitted Towelamp, who made his fortune selling the shirts.

Hecot was absorbed by a towel several years ago and his administrative assistant says that "he still hasn't gotten over it completely."

Odd Prowler Disses Bill Duckton

2009-08-09T22:44:00.002-05:00

The Odd Prowler has stated on a Mulch Park radio station that he prefers Mulch Park to Miami, Florida, the city where his host, Bill Duckton, maintains his abode and high-paying job. "I think I will stay here," said the Odd Prowler.

When Duckton was contacted for comment he commented, "That's fine. He deserves a vacation. I hear Mulch Park is nice this time of year."

Odd Prowler Gives Sir William Towelamp Five Stars

2009-08-02T18:31:00.002-05:00

After paying his exorbitant bill with an emergency wire transfer of money from his friend Bill Duckton, the Odd Prowler actually gave Sir William Towelamp the highest number of stars for a restaurant review.

"The service and food were perfect. I had to give it five stars. One problem: a little expensive." That was the comment written by the Odd Prowler on the comment card which he turned in with the check after the meal. "Um; now I have no money and my taxi seems to have disappeared," he added.

It seems that the Odd Prowler is stranded in Mulch Park at the estate of Sir William Towelamp, a man who is on Mayor Hecot Smithly's list of terrorists!

"We are not going to give this guy credit. If you don't send him money, we are going to have to kick him out," said Sir William Towelamp, who is not only the host of the Odd Prowler, but also has been identified as a stockholder in the taxi company that left the Odd Prowler stranded!

Odd Prowler Wires Bill Duckton for Cash

2009-07-25T22:16:00.002-05:00

The Odd Prowler has wired his friend Bill Duckton for Two thousand eighty dollars in cash so that he can pay the bill for staying at William Towelamp's house!

"This is just ridiculous. Ridiculous. It doesn't make any sense!" said a shopper at Piggly Wiggly when asked for her opinion of the situation as she read about it at the checkout counter.

According to Duckton, the Odd Prowler doesn't understand that the bill is inappropriate because he is from another culture, and William Towelamp doesn't realize the impropriety because he is a "goddamn skinflint."

"I wouldn't pay." said the Piggly Wiggly shopper. "Isn't that guy a terrorist anyway?"

Towelamp said via Twitter: "This guy got a huge check so that he wouldn't have to take a plane home. People sent him that money expecting him to spend it. I should get some money back. That's all there is too it."

The Blue Green Power Plant reported recently that William Towelamp was on the donors' list when a collection was made to help the Odd Prowler return to Miami in a non-scary way. "It is just ironic that he got lost," interrupted Bill Dafferty, reporter.

Mayor Hecot Smithly Declares Towelamp a Terrorist

2009-07-19T20:54:00.002-05:00

Mayor Hecot Smithly of Mulch Park, Nebraska has appeared on a TV news program and declared that William Towelamp is a terrorist, qualifying him for special "enhanced" interrogation techniques from law enforcement.

"He has kidnapped the Odd Prowler," he stated with emphasis, "against his will!"

Towelamp, when reached by phone, stated, "Sir William Towelamp can not come to the phone right now. Please leave a message at the sound of the tone."

The Odd Prowler got lost when he tried to take a Canadian taxi back to Miami from an excursion to New York, where he was reading his new book to needy schoolchildren. The taxidriver, who shares the same nationality as Towelamp, claims to have gone off course accidently when ice cream dripped on his GPS device.

Odd Prowler is Guest at Towelamp Estate

2009-07-11T18:50:00.002-05:00

Stimulus package billionaire, William Towelamp, has invited the Odd Prowler into his newly built estate on the outskirts of Mulch Park, Nebraska. The Odd Prowler got lost on his way to Miami Florida when his Canadian taxi driver spilled ice cream into his GPS device.

Sources stated that the Odd Prowler was treated to a dinner of Squab in turquoise sauce, caviar pudding with gold shavings, and a bottle of Amontillado wine which is over one-hundred years old.

Towelamp has been quietly re-establishing himself after his home was condemed by the Mayor of Mulch Park, Hecot Smithly. Towelamp originally planned to kick Mayor Smithly's ass, but refocused his energy when he was unable to ambush Smithly and his efforts proved futile. A source quoted Towelamp as saying, "Life is too short to spend all the time seeking revenge and holding a grudge."

When asked to expand upon his new philosophy, Towelamp told a reporter, "I never said that!"

Odd Prowler Sighting

2009-06-28T23:46:00.004-05:00

On a quiet summer day in the municipality of Mulch Park, Nebraska, a stout Canadian taxi stopped to ask directions. The person giving the directions recognized the passenger as the Odd Prowler and reported it to the FBI missing persons desk helpline.

"Do I get a reward?"

"You don't get any compensation until the individual in the memo is in custody."

"I got a confession to make."

"What is it." Officer Barnett was getting impatient with the caller.

The caller fumbled vocally, "I think I gave him bad directions. I couldn't understand that taxi driver. Sorry."

"We are on the case."

"But it's gonna be all right?"

A dial tone.

GPS Breaks in Odd Prowler's Taxi

2009-06-16T14:57:00.002-05:00

The taxi driver who has been hired by readers of The Blue Green Power Plant to safely drive the Odd Prowler from his successful speaking engagement in New York City to his safehouse, the home of Bill Duckton in Miami Florida, has Twittered that his Global Positioning Device device has floundered due to an ice-cream spill.

"The whole irony of the situation is that we all chipped in so that he would feel safe, after his plane crashed into a luggage cart in La Guardia after taxiing into the tarmac," said Pleasant Sanchez, a reader of The Blue Green Power Plant who donated fifty dollars to help the Odd Prowler get home. "I just wanted him to feel secure and now I can't imagine the terror and anxiety he must feel of being lost on the surface of the Earth."

Bill Duckton made allusions to ET, the Extra Terrestial. "No. He hasn't phoned home," he reported.

Odd Prowler Recieves Huge Check

2009-06-11T06:53:00.003-05:00

A consortium of readers of interesting internet news sources has collected sufficient funds to send the Odd Prowler a check so that he can return to his home in Miami, Florida in a taxi instead of an airplane.

When asked to comment, the Odd Prowler replied in flawless English, "My home is not in Miami. That is Bill Duckton's home. I am from the Center of the Earth."

In spite of his failure to express gratitude, the press is sure that he is grateful.

He will begin his trip on Monday, in Burt's Taxi.

Investigative journalism has uncovered that the check was signed by millionaire, William Towelamp. When contacted for comment, Towelamp responded with gravity, "Air travel just is not safe. What if the plane hit a satellite or something? How did you get my number!?"

Odd Prowler's Plane Crashes!

2009-05-30T16:10:00.001-05:00

Metropolitan Airlines flight 298 from Fort Lauderdale to New York City crashed. This is the same flight that the much loved Odd Prowler bought a ticket on so he could travel to read from his children's book to schoolchildren in an impoverished neighborhood like Queens or Harlem. The most tragic thing is that they saw this coming. A psychic had broken her silence during one of her autoharp concerts to inform the world about her affinity with the Odd Prowler, and a few weeks later she warned him of the plane crash via the Internet.

"This so could have been avoided," Said Eddie Busrekz, an internet junkie who works at New York's La Guardia Airport.

The details are sketchy, but it appears that after a textbook landing on runway sixteen at La Guardia, the plane taxied into the tarmac and smashed into a luggage cart, destroying all kinds of luggage, including a fancy banjo for which the owner had not purchased additional insurance.
Later that day, the Odd Prowler's English was flawless as he presented an awestruck group of kids with an awesome presentation, which those little ones will remember for a lifetime.

Psychic Autoharpist Arrested For Trespassing

2009-05-22T21:56:00.001-05:00

Psychic autoharpist, Mally Branagain, has been arrested for entering a community television station and commandeering broadcasting equipment. Mally Branagain appeared on countless television screens in La Mirada, California and Needles, California pleading for the airlines to ground Metropolitan Flight 298 from Fort Lauderdale to New York.

"It is going to crash. It is going to crash. Do not go on that plane!" she hollered.

This is the same plane that the Odd Prowler is scheduled to take to New York for his presentation to school children. She sounded serious. Very serious.

Major Newspaper Endorses Odd Prowler's Advancement in English Level

2009-05-10T00:17:00.002-05:00

An editorial in the on-line version of the New York Times has thrown the paper's considerable virtual weight behind the movement to promote the Odd Prowler to an intermediate or advanced English as a Second Language class at his school. He was placed for a second time in the beginning level after he refused to answer a nosy question in the placement interview.

As a show of gratitude, the Odd Prowler has given the paper permission to fly him up to New York City, where he will read to school children from his new children's book: Rescue in the Center of the Earth!" In the book, the Odd Prowler relates how he saved Bill Duckton's life in the Center of the Earth. The book was financed by Duckton with his considerable Pluitzer Prize check.

Arnie Notoro, the principal of The Institute for Studies of English, which is where the Odd Prowler is registered, refused to comment after being ridiculed by a Bluegreenplant reporter who called him unfair. "Hey, he flunked. End of story," he said, and then walked out of his office to his Mazda.

Duckton-Dafferty Conflict Washed Away

2009-05-04T19:15:00.000-05:00

It looks like the cleanliness of the Odd Prowler has washed away a simmering feud between Blue Green Power Plant colleagues, Bill Dafferty and Bill Duckton. The two excellent journalists were at odds over a scratch in Duckton's blue car which turned out to be grime.

The two were seen eating ice cream, chuckling, and drinking Old Milwaukee Beer in Duckton's corner office. The Florida Marlins were on the flat screen TV, losing three to seven.

It seems as if everything is "chillin" at the Blue Green Power Plant.

Happy days are here again.

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." From The Internet

Duckton's Car Was Never Scratched

2009-04-25T12:40:00.003-05:00

In flawlessly fluent English, the Odd Prowler cleared the air in ten seconds of a malestrom which had been brewing for months.

When a female (and single) Bluegreenplant reporter was passing through the neighborhood where the Odd Prowler is renting a room from Bill Duckton, she stopped when she saw the Odd Prowler washing and waxing Duckton's proverbial blue car. She decided to give him an impromptu English quiz.

"Where are you from?"

"Why don't you ask old autoharpist?"

"How is it going in ESOL One class?"

"Straight A's."

"Aren't you afraid you are going to get a sunburn out here in the hot sun with no shirt?"

"We have sun in Center of Earth. Um..." He paused.

The clever reporter had tricked him and he knew it. He had admitted that he was from the Center of the Earth.

The Odd Prowler hemmed and hawed and then regained his composure and pointed at the clean car. "Look. No scratch!"

It was true. The car was just fine, no scratch at all. The scratch must have been grime.

Psychic Autoharpist Picks up Vibrations from Odd Prowler

2009-04-22T18:32:00.002-05:00

The infamously shy autoharpist, Mally Branagain, spoke in public for the first time since her traumatic brush with death in 1974.

Her words were music to the ears of audience members during her Pacoima, California, concert just last week. Mally had previously sworn that she would never again talk "patter" between songs at one of her concerts because a yellow New Mexican scorpion attempted to take her life when she was cracking a joke about music notes before a roadie smashed it.

In Pacoima, she halted herself midway through the old classic "Old Bunch o' Keys," grabbed the microphone and shouted, "I know where he is from! I know where he is from! The Odd Prowler is from the Center of the Earth!"

Just then, a string broke on her autoharp and she was rushed off the stage.

Duckton Settles Out of Court

2009-04-12T13:26:00.002-05:00

With a dejected Odd Prowler sustaining an undersized umbrella above him at a press conference in the pouring rain, Pluitzer Prize Winner Bluegreenplant reporter, Bill Duckton, decided to cut his losses and apologize to Bill Dafferty for dragging his name through the mud.

"I am so sorry," he began, "that Bill Dafferty chose to hire this flamboyantly untalented lawyer to threaten me and make my good friend..." He gestured toward the Odd Prowler, who seemed to understand. Then he continued, "He made my friend, someone who saved my life in the Center of the Earth, so nervous that he couldn't pass the ESOL test to the next level."

A concerted gasp was heard from the other reporter in attendance.

"Titstein knows that this guy," He pointed to the Odd Prowler again, "should be in Level Two! Oh, yeah. And I know that Bill Dafferty is an honorable man and I apologize if his lawyer thought I dragged his name through the mudd."

Odd Prowler Flunks ESOL Placement Test

2009-04-07T21:37:00.004-05:00

It was a simple interview, ten questions. The odd prowler had been studying for weeks. Everyone admired how well prepared he was. Confidence guided him to the chair across from the examiner. His mind--sharper than any pencil. The questioning began.

"What is your name?"

Silence.

"What is your name?"

Awkward silence. The odd prowler's lack of comprehension prompted an osmosis of nervous sweat on his forehead.

"What is your name?" and the interview was over. The quizmaster flatly refused to bend the rules a little bit and move on to the next question.

The odd prowler vocalized a non-lexical speech perturbation.

"This interview is over. He is to be remanded to Level One."

So he must repeat Level One English Class, even though this reporter has heard him banter in English. He refused to answer the very first question, and for that reason we shall continue to call him, the odd prowler.

Dafferty Hires Titstein

2009-03-31T10:04:00.003-05:00

Bluegreenplant reporter Bill Dafferty has hired the famous lawyer, Larry Titstein, to represent him in court. He is suing Bill Duckton for scratching his own car and blaming him for it. Said Titstein, "It is an open and shut case. Obviously, that car was scratched by a trophy--a Pluitzer Prize, for example. Bill Dafferty's name has been dragged through the mud enough as it is!"

Duckton was not available for comment, but the Odd Prowler did engage the reporter of this story in some banter in English, and offered tea.

Photo of Odd Prowler

2009-03-26T20:26:00.005-05:00

Bluegreenplant has found only remaining photo of the Odd Prowler. It was taken by a Metropolitan Police photographer who wanted "just one more" after the first two standard mugshots.

Man Who Passed Bar Exam is Puzzled By Duckton

2009-03-23T20:23:00.002-05:00

"I do not understand why Bill Duckton Will not let me represent him in court to sue Bill Dafferty for damages," uttered Larry Titstein, a very famous lawyer who offered to do the work pro-bono if they didn't win the case. "It is an open and shut case. Dafferty has to pay for the damages and we can pin court costs on him as well."

Duckton, who won the Pluitzer Prize, laconically uttered, "Dafferty is an honorable man. I will not sue," when asked by another Bluegreenplant reporter for his take on Titstein's comments.

Duckton was accompanied by the Odd Prowler, who was studying an English as a Second Language book in a beanbag chair.

Dafferty, whose garage was hiding Bill Duckton's blue and scratched car, is nowhere to be found.

Insurance Company Refuses to Cover Scratch in Duckton's Car

2009-03-15T17:21:00.003-05:00

Bill Duckton, Bluegreenplant's Pluitzer Prize winning reporter, got so mad that he dropped his sandwich at the Auto mat and kicked it instead of cleaning it up. "Some guy I don't even know was in front of me in line and he hands me a cell phone and says it is for me." That is how Duckton's tale began. "Then I say hello and a voice says she's from the insurance company and they aren't going to cover my scratch on account of...oh hell; I am still pist off."

The reporter, colleague Tabby Lane, got Duckton a glass of water and after he calmed down he continued.

"She says it was a pre-existing condition. This is a lot of bull!" Duckton cut the interview short in what Ms. Lane described as a "primma-donnish way," and headed out to his scratched car.

The odd prowler cleaned up the sandwich from the floor.

Duckton Vehicle Located in Dafferty Garage

2009-03-01T13:29:00.002-05:00

Blue car owner Bill Duckton, who had left the vehicle parked outside of Blue Green Power Plant World Headquarters while he was away on his journey to the Center Of the Earth, has reported that he received an anonymous call about the whereabouts of his missing car.

The anonymous caller led Duckton, along with a contingent of local police, and the Odd Prowler tagging along, to a garage in the "Spoonbill's Landing" condominiums, where Duckton identified his car. "That's my car. But what the...Where did this scratch come from?" he announced. The parking space was registered to Blue Green Power Plant colleague, Bill Dafferty.

Towelamp Sitting on Bailout Money

2009-02-22T16:02:00.004-05:00

Duncan D, amateur rap and graffiti artist, has posted on his Myspace page, a photo of William Towelamp sitting atop a huge pile of money and laughing harshly. Duncan wrote, in his street-cred dialect: "De dawggg gotz t' mezza pong dalla fo dat e-kon-oh mee." Duncan, a native of Cardiff-by-the Sea, California, lives with his parents, an investment banker and a homemaker, who are having a rough time since the economy has hit the skids.

Towelamp has responded to the embarassing criticism with his own, laconic, one-line post: "I am going to soak a wad of money in water, freeze it solid, and then nail that sonofabitch's forehead when he goes up to accept his Grammy award, cause all the shittiest ones win a grammy!" He posted as a response to the Myspace posting, which has since disappeared from cyberspace.

In other news, nobody seems able to figure out who the odd prowler is and Bill Duckton is still taking taxis.

Odd Prowler Doesn't Appeal to Lawyers

2009-02-15T19:32:00.002-05:00

The Odd Prowler left the emergency room at Metropolitan Hospital Two with his arm in a sling, but no lawyers approached him to encourage him to sue the jail for the fiasco and stampede where he was injured.

When asked if he was planning to sue, the Odd Prowler spouted off a bunch of gibberish and then was rushed off into a taxi by an obviously flustered Bill Duckton. Rain began to fall in droplets as the bold reporter jammed the microphone through the up-going window like an ice cream cone offered to a diabetic kid with just enough time for one question. The brave and good-looking reporter asked, "Congratulations on your Pluitzer Prize. And what exactly is going on here, Mr. Duckton?"

Duckton rubbed his unshaven chin and shouted unnecessarily loudly into the mic, "My car was stolen while I was in the Center of the Earth and now I have to take this taxi."

When it rains it pours.

Fiasco At Duckton Web Interview!!!

2009-02-07T23:36:00.004-05:00

Murphy's Law prevailed at the Bill Duckton World Wide Web Interview, A Chat With the Superficials, in what can only be referred to as a total fiasco!!!

First of all, The Blue Green Power Plant forgot to publicize the day and time of the interview so the general public was unable to join in with their tons of interesting questions. (Disclaimer: You are reading the Blue Green Power Plant right now.)

Then, when Duckton was just about to dramatically introduce the Odd Prowler, he gestured to a hole in the ground at the County Jail and a rabbit popped out of it.

"It was utter chaos. Everyone focused on the rabbit and the Odd Prowler got stepped on by a camera crew. Then someone noticed that the rabbit had a human foot and any remaining semblance of order was lost. I got scared," commented Malachi Plopkin, an out of work rabbi who was situated in a nearby cell due to a trumped-up pickpocketing charge.

The rabbit panicked and disappeared down the hole again.