Hector Chen Denied Passport Renewal

In an unprecedented over-stretch of authority, a Paraguayan federal judge has denied Hector Chen's passport renewal application. Judge Oscar Tyler-Gomez of Asuncion has labeled Chen a risky traveler and stamped his file with his enormous gavel. "Why would he want a passport? Isn't Paraguay good enough for him?" said the judges spokesman, Bailif Tintin Coraje, an obvious patriot. "He wouldn't be trying to flee any upcoming court proceedings, would he?"

When contacted for comment, Chen replied, "It's ridiculous. I have nothing to fear from the court system. I respect the honorable judge, but as for his spokesman, he is a bedbug full of venereal infection and should be squashed. Wait, wait! Don't print that. It was off the record!!!"